This week I spent half an hour on me. In my youth I used to love riding, never very good, but loved it. So having let my career get in the way for a few years, then becoming a step mum totally depriving me of me for about 8 years I decided to get back in the saddle literally and figuratively and take back some control.

2 books I think should be brought to some people's attention.  The Complex PTSD workbook by Arielle Swartz and  Healing the Trauma of Domestic Violence by Edward Cubany.  I know I personally have these issues.  While I may have healed I am still not done healing.  The reason I do allow myself to be treated as less than I deserve is because I do not expect to be treated well by the average person.  We allow what we expect.  I'm slowly setting my standards higher in my expectations of how others treat me.  These books will hopefully help me heal even more.

I am considering going back to couples counseling. My DH and I have been to counseling in the past but it has not been very helpful.  Our past counselors were good listeners but nothing from the sessions really helped us to improve things in our marriage. I felt mostly our sessions were just us both talking about our problems and each defending our point of views. My DH think's mostly he is "right' "correct" about most things and I spend the session time feeling in the position of defending my view or how I see things differently.

Well today the BM was granted unsupervised visits. She and her two daughters (ages 11 and have been participating in chat house therapy for about 6 months. Previously she has had no contact (not court ordered) for 5 years. The oldest shows a lot of hesitation in wanting to go to her house or be around her but I'm not entirely sure if it's a show for her dad and I. I keep encouraging her that it will be okay and it's only from 9am to 6pm.

counseling felt like a waste of time and money.

I like being disengaged from SD13. I like being polite and relaxed. I am able to be that way because I am emotionally disengaged from this child who steals from me.

So it's been a while since I posted. BM had started making all sorts of accusations and demanding the kiddos attend therapy, which is usually the prelude to DH being served for a new custody case or extra child support.

However, I now have to share a good laugh with all of you!

BM insisted on therapy for SD13 and SS11, because "SS11 is dangerous and SD13 is defiant. There must be something wrong with them even though you aren't seeign any of these issues! It's definitely not my lack of parenting."