You are here

It’s never ending!

100thestep's picture

Submitted by 100thestep on Mon, 02/03/2020 - 4:57pm

So... DH just received a notice of appearance for court regarding CS. From the looks of it BM is asking for more $$ CS. DH is convinced that she wants to see him in the poor house... then maybe she'll be satisfied. We just had our 2nd baby so adjusting our budget with daycare expenses has been a challenge. I'm seriously contemplating bankruptcy at this point, we are stretched so thin... financial management is neither of our strong points *sad but true* I just don't see how he would be able to give up anymore of his income to her. Skids wear old clothes and hand-me-downs. We've offered to buy new shoes and clothes and she tells him no and threatens to give away what he buys just because it comes from him. 7 more years of this BS youngest turns 18 in 2027. SOB!!!

Comments

thinkthrice's picture

Submitted by thinkthrice on Mon, 02/03/2020 - 7:06pm

those days.  The Gir was getting $350 a week which left Chef $60 after taxes.   plus the 3 ferals were coming over EVERY weekend and demanding toys, eating out, entertainment, mall shopping all on my 40K gross a year salary.  CS goes to 21 here so YSS17 aka the Houseshitter man child has 4 more years.  Chef has been paying out the wazoo since 2004..

still learning's picture

Submitted by still learning on Mon, 02/03/2020 - 9:23pm

Maybe Dh needs to get a second job to support all the kids he keeps having.  

lieutenant_dad's picture

Submitted by lieutenant_dad on Tue, 02/04/2020 - 5:22am

Either she's entitled to more CS or she isn't. If he is paying adequate CS based on state/province/territory calculations, and he pays his other COed "extras", then she doesn't have much of a leg to stand on (in theory). BM could sue him every month and ask for the moon, but that doesn't mean she'll get it.

Now, if DH is in arrears, or if he has gotten plentiful raises or increases in income that aren't reflected in his CS patment, then he's likely due to pay more. That's just part of how CS works.

Regarding not being good with money, that's a poor excuse. It's an adult necessity to know how to manage your household bills. I'd suggest, in addition to coming to STalk for advice, that you also find other blogs on money management and learn from those. Dave Ramsey is a good place to start to learn basics.

BM taking you to court is seperate from you and your DH not being able to manage your resources. Your DH could make half or double his income, and she'd still try to come after it. That's just how some BM's roll. However, your DH being in the poor house is his own doing. He has many kids, a crazy ex, and lacks basic skills to manage finite resources. BM isn't the one putting him in the poor house; he's doing it to himself.

tog redux's picture

Submitted by tog redux on Tue, 02/04/2020 - 5:28am

Thank you. Money management is not hard to learn, it's mostly about delayed gratification.  Adults should know how to not spend more than they make in income. 

100thestep's picture

Submitted by 100thestep on Tue, 02/04/2020 - 12:29pm

Thank you all. Yes I agree financial management doesn't have to be such a burden. I've been paying down my own debts the last few years. DH likes living high on the hog and I've been trying to help him see the error in that. I'm a highly educated person with a decent paying job 48K a year. I know DH tries... no education past high school so it was hard for him to find a job that pays much more than minimum wage. I cut off his access to the money I make so he had to rely solely on his own income to pay for things he is responsible for. I am always willing to provide for us and our kids but skids I refuse to pay for. We made an agreement for next Christmas. No elaborate gifts anymore. I think BM sees me and my kids and how I take care of them and she's under the impression that he's the one bringing home the bacon... no no honey that's me!

lieutenant_dad's picture

Submitted by lieutenant_dad on Tue, 02/04/2020 - 1:00pm

Your DH has two choices: work more or gain a skill. He has 6 kids to support, and he can't do that on minimum wage. If he wants to live high on the hog, then he needs to earn a wage to do that.

There are adult apprenticeship programs where he can get paid while he learns. There are IT schools where he can get his certs in a year and be working somewhere making $35k+. Hospitals need medical assistants and pay $14-16 an hour plus shift differential and overtime. Even learning to operate a forklift could get him a job making $16+.

He can't keep having nice things and babies without having a means to pay for them. It's not easy to go to school and work, but it's doable.

100thestep's picture

Submitted by 100thestep on Thu, 03/26/2020 - 7:58pm

DH had court yesterday... over the phone do to the Covid19 crisis. They upped his CS by $600 a month. According to the opposing legal council he is not financially obligated to our own son because he was born before we were married and paternity was never established through the court. Apparently the birth certificate doesn't hold up if baby is born out of wedlock. So infuriating how the lawyer was talking down to DH telling him our son isn't his in the eyes of the law. After all was said and done and we hung up DH realized that his 2 oldest were born before his first marriage and paternity was never established on them either. He doesn't deny that any of his children but let's be fair if they want to argue that our son "isn't his" then he shouldn't have obligation to the older 2 until paternity is established for them also! It's so crazy. Back to the drawing board to continue this battle SMH