Narcissism and the Disney Dad
I huge thank you to those who commented on my last post. I've been reading about and watching videos on Narcissistic spouses. I feel a rush of clarity, anxiety, and some grief.
The supply! He's so much nicer when I was doting. I didn't even realize how much I was doting on him now that the skids are not around. I think back about how much I got left out or ignored when the skids came to visit in their younger years. How much they were always out and just went off and left me home. No response to my text or phone calls, etc. It was all about supply! They were the supply in that moment. Let's shop, let's go places, entertain dad. Then someone would set him off by spilling something or not liking something. It didn't fit the perfection. Or he was plain done at the end of the night and wanted time to himself, so he'd ignore everyone. I'm not saying this of all disney dads, but this fits my SO.
Other NPD behaviors I see or have seen:
-Both he and BM would bad mouth each other to the skids.
-The ignoring me then wanting me around.
-The way he'd try not to pay a bill or get me to put something on credit.
-The way he explains away things with so much detail. The detail makes you think its all true, but it's the opposite.
-The way he'd rage about something small, then act like nothing happened later.
He has glimpses of empathy or being considerate, but i truly think its about perception and keeping up a rouse. I don't know that its genuine empathy or genuine love. Sometimes it looks like it, but its not consistant. He doesn't love bomb, so much as he lowers his expectations of everyone, until it all builds again and he's annoyed. BS8 son's room suddenly isn't clean like it should be, even though his room looks the same as it did a week ago. Its like these moods where nothing is the way it should be, then anger. You feel it building and you wait for it to come out.
Just some thoughts I was having today and it feels good to get it out. I'm starting to see some of the effects on BS8 and I've been working on my own parenting and reassurance towards him.
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Comments
Hi Always...
To begin...I want to say your avatar it is great! I love it..unfortunately many of us here are able to relate and feel that way. I no longer have any shame or care about what they think about me.
Cut off his supply from yourself and your son. Protect your little guy as fiercely as you can from this. Empathy is huge...he will not have any left for you or your shared child.
Please take care of yourself and your son.
Find your strength and keep
Find your strength and keep your claws out when it comes to protecting your son.
At the end of the day, all he truly has is you to look out for him and emotional abuse is the worst kind of abuse.
SO is not abusive but I have no issues ripping his head off his shoulders when he steps out of line with DS. I expect DS to be respectful of SO. But I will be damned if SO is going to place higher standards and expectations on DS than his own kids.
I let him know I will handle parenting DS and remind him he needs to tend to his own backyard. SO says something to DS, my response is "Hey don't you have your own kids to parent."