Anniversary dinner out with another man
:jawdrop: Thought that would get your attention.
DH is on business travel this week and yesterday was our 8th anniversary. DH has a childhood pal, Mike, that is part of a close knit group that all grew up together in the same neighborhood, went to school and colleges together. After college Mike married his DW, also part of the group. They are still very happily married over 30 years later. Mike contacted us last week to say that he'd be in town for work (he's here about 4 times a year). I asked if he would meet me for dinner at our favorite restaurant on my and DH anniversary and it was a deal. Since our marriage I've noticed that Mike has made jabs here and there about BM (aka Sexless). Even Mike's DW has voiced an opinion. I sensed that Mike would happily tell all once he had me away from DH and Mike certainly did. Mie's story was-
Mike and DW only met BM at the wedding since BM was a bit younger than their group. The years following DH and Sexless drifted out of contact but Mike remained very close to DH's family so they knew where he was. 15 years ago Mike and his DW take a vaca and reached out to DH to meet up again. DH and Sexless had a huge home and DH wanted his old pals to stay there. Mike said this was the first, and the last, time that he was ever around Sexless other than their wedding. Mike, his DW, my DH, and DH family are all from strong upper middle class. All hold minimum Masters degrees, if not PhDs. BM family was not and never have been at that level. Her parents still live in a trailer and were always blue collar status. Nothing wrong with that, it was plain that BM had married up.
Anyhoos, Mike said that their entire stay, Sexless treated DH like less than human and rode his arse each and every minute. Mike and his DW were more than happy to get away from "that stupid biotch" and for years felt horrible about the life DH was in. They didn't contact DH again until DH family told them about the divorce.
Mike said a few more things. None were complimentery.
Sooooo, I asked Mike why didn't he speak up and tell DH about his feelings towards Sexless instead leaving him to spin in the hurricane? Mike said "what, tell my oldest friend that I think his wife is a crazy biotch? What good would it have done?"
MIL did ask DH when he announced their engagement if he was completely sure that this was the right girl for him and shouldn't he wait a bit longer.
Why don't those who know us best speak up on our behalf and point out the obvious? Mike said that DH was clearly miserable but he felt that he had nothing to say to him about Sexless's Queen attitude.
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Oh no, I thought that there
Oh no, I thought that there may be a misinterpretation. I do NOT ask anyone about Sexless. Other than DH back when they had to communicate.
Matter of fact I was mentally counting how long would my rear-end be in the seat before Mike brought up Sexless and was finally able to say more than an odd jab here and there. In the past either DH or an In-law was with me so they would divert his attention away quickly. Last night there was no interference and I sat quietly listening to his story, until I finally asked him why he didn't try to .... I don't know, say something. Instead of just drifting away. These were DH's oldest and dearest friends and due to BM attitude they stayed out of DH life.
For the rest of the evening we talked about our kids, their future and what we all wanted to do in 2015.
Lol ~ boy do I here us but
Lol ~ boy do I here us but just maybe he needed to go through that shit storm to get to you.
I always say that things happen for a reason & things had to happen a certain way to get where I am. If DF didn't marry Tinkerdouche ~ he wouldn't have his precious " Veruca" he says ~ n I wouldn't have my children. I get it !
We dated when we were in our college years & 20 years later found out way back to each other. A much more mature us ~ I always loved him & I was the one that got away. Back then timing was so off ~ things are terrific with us. ( Minus the moment he inpregnated Tinkerdouche & he fathered Veruca. Might be his golden child but not mine .
Tinkerdouche is an attractive woman , she was a lingerie and bathing suit model. But damn she is bat shit crazy ~ I mean bat shit !!! They dated for 4 months he saw her bat shit crazy & ended it. Month later she came back to him " I am pregnant " ~ he questioned anything & everything she said. I am sure she felts like he drove her crazy but .....
They broke up & he didn't want her back just cause she was pregnant but she reeved her crazy up. She couldn't handle rejection. ( I honestly don't know if I could either but I would never have acted like she did ever. )
He wasnt with her through the pregnancy ~ not until she gave birth to " Veruca" ~ when Veruca arrives in this world everything changed. He lived & breathed for her. Tried to do the right thing ~ tinker & Veruca moved him , lasted a short time ~ tinker letter ~ DF couldn't handle being away from Veruca. Had them come back ~ and 5 years later popped the question.
I think he did everything out of obligation to Veruca. His very own father said before he got married " do you really want to do this ?" ~ was more of his father seeing her bat shit crAzy.
DF was with his entire huge family & tinker came barreling in his parents house f bombing left & right with Veruca in tow ... If I was ever angry with my spouse I would wait to argue with him at my home.
Bat shit crazy never changes ! I say she was his square peg & he was trying to fit her in a round hole. I also believe you have to respect your gf/bf before you can love them. If you don't respect them you don't really like them therefore how can you love them.
My sisters had opinions on DH
My sisters had opinions on DH when we were dating. They made the mistake of voicing them. They didn't like that he was divorced and that I was dating while my son was still young. Didn't make any sense. I had waited three years to date after my husband died. I was 34. Was I never supposed to marry again.
Well all of their comments and the conference call with my mother trying to talk me out of dating him, did not go over well. Now we will have been together 10 years in April this year and my husband can not stand my sisters. He has never gotten over it. He tolerates them at family functions, but that is it.
That is why you should never say anything. We can not pick out mates for other people. I wouldn't have picked their husbands, but they did.
Good point Easy. DH already
Good point Easy. DH already says that. He says that while he would have been attracted to me when he and I were younger, he fell in love with the fiercely independent and elegant (his word) woman I grew in to.
I truly don't understand adults who curse. In 8 years I've never heard any of DH family curse and my only sis and her DH also never utter such garbage. For unknown reasons Sexless began to curse like the proverbial Sailor after they divorced.
Great point, Lady. DH
Great point, Lady. DH sometimes speaks of how lonely and alone he felt. Then he thanks me for coming into his life. I'm lucky with that.
I'm also lucky that his old friends and family are so,open and welcoming. The fact that they all dropped BM from,their lives has made our marriage easier than it could be.
In my case I just didn't
In my case I just didn't listen to anyone. I knew ex better and knew our life would be wonderful. Yeah...shoulda listened. DH, everyone loved BM1, and to be honest she is a control freak yes, but a crazy bitch no, she's actually quite pleasant and I can easily have a conversation with her.
Inbred, yeah everyone told him she needed to go. He just didn't listen, and once she got pregnant with the first baby no one could change his mind about living with her and putting her on his insurance. I guess, when you're in love, or think you're in love other people just don't seen to know what they're talking about. I call it luvtardation.
Luvtardation! Gonna use that
Luvtardation! Gonna use that one with our kids. Some of their choices in dates have left allot to be desired
I asked my dad once, why he
I asked my dad once, why he didn't tell me how he really felt about my EX before I married him. He said I wouldn't have listened and it only would have caused tension between him and me. He is right. I was young, dumb and "in love".