Thanks for the reply! You’re so right, no need to give her more ammo or reasons to bother my partner more. Her constant negative energy and harassment has invaded our home and lives more than ever as of late. I wish I knew why, but I guess it’s not really important ! What’s important is saving as much sanity as we can to be good parents and good partners to each other (without her invasive BS). She’s a drag, what can I say.

she moved away right before the divorce was finalized when SS was about 3, he is now 9. 

- my SO is already feeling like he has to overly protect his time with his son because she finds ways to take more or disrupt it. He does not approve of her taking him out of his own home every month into basically a strangers home where he doesn’t have his own room or even his own bed and is living out of a suitcase. It frustrates him a lot since it’s a very inconsistent lifestyle for his son. It’s not against the agreement so he has to let it happen. 

- we have no idea how or what she has set up so she can leave work so often! She’s a professor so we think she works via Skype or has many TAs helping her out. We don’t ask questions, she’d think we were attacking her.

It says both parties have to agree on any additional calls outside the three calls per week, scheduled on certain days and times. In this case both parties are not agreeing, so she feels that means she can demand and get what she wants. I am no lawyer, but I assume if my SO says no and she doesn’t like what the agreement says she’s be going to court to change the agreement or a mediator would have to help settle a middle ground. I don’t see my SO ever allowing additional hour long phone calls during dinner time every single day of the week so she’d have to cave or they’d be sitting in mediation for a long time. 

My SO told her he is not agreeing to additional calls outside of the scheduled calls per the agreement (m-th-sun, at scheduled times.) She of course freaked out and says hell be hearing from her attorney. He also agreed to making some adjustments around spelling, where SS will practice a little more (not with her, with him). 

Hes being more then accommodating, following the agreement, and keeping SS a priority. Honestly the kid doesn’t need more tutoring, he’s doing wonderful in school.

Im worried he’s not getting enough down time as it is, he barely has enough time to shower and get to bed on time on the nights she calls because she makes the calls so long. I worry all this stress over school is going to make him anxious and act out against it. The kid just wants to play a little Nintendo and play some soccer, not be doing school work for 12 hours a day. He’s too young to be this high pressure with school. Why can’t he just be a kid! 

The agreement clearly states on what days and at what times she can call and the same goes for when my SO can call when SS is with her. So it’s been established for YEARS. She’s just now blowing this up. It’s INSANE. All I can guess is that she feels threatened by me in the picture becoming more of a parent figure to SS (I’ve been around for 2 years) or she’s starting to realize what a mistake it was to choose a job over her own son. Who knows. I’m just assuming. 

You are correct, you can not fix stupid. Lol!! Omg I can’t believe that’s even happening in your own home - whenever I see Bparents use their children as pawns to get dirt on parents it drives me crazy. My parents divorced when I was 12, so I know how one parent will try to use the kid to get proof of literally nothing just to throw at their ex in court. It’s petty and it’s sad. 

I have to wonder why these people choose to funnel all their energy into revenge and negativity instead of valuable, loving experiences with their kids instead. 

We already have a pretty strict screen time rule in our home that we find works for everyone, but making SS put his cellphone away when he keeps texting and calling will be a hard one for us. I guess we’ll see how to handle this when it comes. Good thing it’s a WiFi only device! 

Youre all so right / call the bluff, follow the CO, be strong ! 

I wish it took my SS fifteen minutes to eat! He eats so slow!! Haha besides the point. I agree, it also helps that we don’t allow devices at the table. It’s really the only time we have to talk and be a family. I know that not everyone agrees about dinner time, but my SO and I agreed dinner time is family time, the rest of the evening is free time or homework time. 

On the days she is scheduled to call, because of the time difference, it’s always at 6:30, right when dinner time is. So SS eats in his room at his desk and talks to her. It’s so distracting it takes him over an hour to eat his food. It’s depressing that he’s even eating in his room in front of a phone on FaceTime as it is. But it’s within the agreement so we can’t do much. All I can do is rush to get home from work and make dinner faster! I got to a point where I’m not rushing for nobody! 

Im guessing now that SO said no to extra calls she’s going to try and FaceTime on the extra days that aren’t in the agreement and luckily the phone will be in his room - he can call her back after he’s done getting food in his body. 

Good.Point. I think my SO is so used to being bullied and fearing her doing something insane that he answers all her emails. He recently started texting her again and got into a huge fight and I was like THAT NEEDS TO STOP. So he emails her back whenever she texts to establish where he’ll allow communication. 

I had assumed maybe something was going bad in her life where she needs to control something to feel better, but who the f knows anymore. She’s always been a spoiled brat from what everyone says. 

She agreed to give her son to my SO during custody arrangements way back when, so she honestly has nothing to stand on in my book. If she really wants to take unnecessary tutoring calls to court, I guess she’s going to be wasting a lot of her time here. 

Makes me feel bad for her partner - she’s always here trying to control everything when she should be there having a meaningful relationship. But what do I know. 

I appreciate playing devils advocate here - but I think she’s negativity impacting her son with her behavior masked as involvement. She has plenty of involvement with him, and it’s appreciated. She doesn’t need to be calling him every day for spelling practice, it’s a bit much. She has every right to do what she wants during her parenting time, we have never said otherwise. I just wish he was going to stay in a home that was hers or a family members home during her monthly visits so SS feels like he has his own place and things were less chaotic for him. Kids are resilient so it’s not that big of a deal. We’ve never approached her on it, it’s her time. 

Yes, people move for jobs. But if she wants to be more involved, then it’s probably best she move back. I can’t change my own schedule around so she can parent whenever she sees fit outside of her agreed upon time. 

Agreement says calls can be between 4pm-7pm, she calls at 6:30 because she’s at work prior to that and SS is at school and then his after school program. All of this is fine, except the calls last until 8:30pm sometimes. My partner will walk in the room and kindly say “hey it’s time to get ready for bed...”. BM will keep talking and taking. The last time this happened, she got mad that he was basically telling her it was time to hang up that she threatened to take him to court in front of SS. I was shocked. Why was that even necessary?

Honestly - that may but what it takes. Over something so petty too.