Need Advice on young adult step kid
It's been 3 weeks since SS19 moved in with us. We have a 15 months girl, I work full time and DH work from home, taking care of BD. He travel about twice a month. When he is out, we drop BD at daycare.
SS will help out when we ask, he follow the rules in general. He is currently looking for job, showing no interest in school or military. We understand that forcing him to anything will result resentment.
We both trying our very best to assist him to get a kick start on settle in with a job, DH almost did everything for him at the beginning, just so he will have a clue where to start. We have long conversations with him about this subject, The problem is he think the jobs will find it's way to him, I did not see any effort and it frustrated us big time.
He pulled a few tricks on us that I am not fully trusting his job searching stories. We are exhausted to constantly follow up on his progress.
DH is going on business trip next week, sigh....
What if he just enjoy this unproductive life so much, he just going to stay this way? What to do?
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At 19 he should have a part
At 19 he should have a part time job and be in school part time or full time and if he's under your roof he should be helping out with chores. You need to talk to your husband. No one wants an adult mooch.
Apple, I'm in a similar
Apple, I'm in a similar situation. My SS18 moved in about 2 months ago and he does have a job, however he does not contribute to the household via rent or chores. I am getting increasingly frustrated with both SS and DH about the situation. DH even cleaned SS's room for him earlier this week because he didn't want to see me knock SS upside his head. DH says he's gonna charge him $10 for cleaning his room. Really? More like we'll just take that out of the gas money that DH has been secretly giving to him. Errrr.
I have asked SS to help out with a few chores, sometimes he does and other times he doesn't. I want to be able to give him a consequence when he doesn't but it's not like I can take away his toys like I do for my young bios. So how do you teach responsibility to a grown adult? Idk, but the last time SS didn't do what I asked, I cornered him when he came home early from work and made him do what I asked plus some additional house work.
My best advice is to make the living arrangement as difficult as possible for SS so that he has incentive to leave. Our BM was a disney parent until SS turned 18 (i.e. CS ran out) and then she suddently expected SS to pay rent and do chores. That made him leave her house. Maybe that's what we need to do too!
Thanks everyone for the
Thanks everyone for the advices. I just realized I've been counting the days more often than I should, I was thinking when are we going back to 'normal'. The fact is, this is it. He is staying, not even close to spread his wings and get his own place without a job or a car.
I like the idea of having him try out short course. Thanks for reminding me the mind of a19 years old, so, yes, we are going to occupy his down time with chores. The problem is, it required so much follow up. He is not dumb, you see, if he didn't do it right, he won't be ask again. That, for us, is a big test of patience.
We will get off his back if he is going to school, too bad the idea of further education was given to him as optional. Not my call.
Yes, you are absolutely spot on about the CS, DH was doing the happy dance when the last payment was done. We have a brand new baby, he bought himself a new car, and then there was the drama, in that order!
I am hanging there ok, I guess it could be worse, now, just get me another glass of wine.
Thanks y'all, the venting is therapeutic.