When you are in the middle of handling something it can be annoying to have someone else step in to do that task. Happened to me the other day over counting my score in a board game. I was adding it up and a person I had met just that day (friend of a friend) joined in half way through to ‘help’ me. It annoyed me as I felt it was as if she was saying I could not do the math. But I ignored it as I know she was just trying to be helpful. Your friend was annoyed that you stepped in. It has nothing to do with you being a stepmom. She did over react though in my mind, so I wonder if there is something else going on either with her relationship with you or her relationship with the child.

I can with 1000% honesty tell you that if my niece and my BS7 were playing and my niece was doing something inappropriate, I would leave it to her mother to handle. While I understand that this friend was not the kid's mother, SHE was the one who was responsible for him at the time. Yes you overstepped.

I would have been annoyed if I was in the middle of something and someone else just stepped in. Sure you may have thought (and did) handle it better but at least give me the opportunity to finish what I was trying to do.

She probably felt like now that you are "mom" you think you know better then her.

Is there a reason for her to feel like you were making her feel inferior to her disciplining her nephew because you are now "mom"?

Her reaction was ridiculous though. Is she jealous of SS?

So you both were drinking... that is going to escalate and create a lot of misunderstandings... but here is how I think she got offended.

Her perspective is this"

She is working with her nephew on something (taking light saber).. then here comes Ashmarie.. butting in. Just because Ash is now MOTY to her boyfriend's child.. Ash acts like she knows EVERYTHING about kids.. just insufferable. Oh.. you don't want me in your wedding?.. Fine whatever witch!

Here's the thing. It sounds like this woman may be a bit jealous of your situation.. stepping in to have a child... when perhaps she doesn't have one. Also, from a lot of your posts on here.. they come off as a bit braggy about how your BF's little boy has taken to you .. and "our dynamic" and "little family"..

Now it may be the biggest of your focus because the relationship and moving in is all fresh in your world.. but constantly pumping yourself up about how great you are with his child and how your "little family" is now so great.. etc.. I can see her snapping off about it.

The bottom line is it sounds like she viewed you as someone butting in where you didn't belong and trying to tell her that her ability to supervise a child was lacking. Throw alcohol in and well.. ding..ding.. let's not pull any punches.

When my step sister is over with her kids and she asks them to do something and they wait until she walks away, then do it again I back her up. Her husband is pretty aloof and generally focused on drinking beer and socializing with my step-father until she's had enough and b*tches at him (which would not fly with me, I'm very lucky that my SO is not like that). And my niece and nephew listen to me, because I'm an adult and I'm not their mom. They know when I speak I mean it and my sister doesn't bat an eyelash.

If my BD were acting like a twerp I would be okay with her doing the same. My mom did threaten to spank BD once and I flat out told her "You do not spank my kid". That's where the line is for me. We are not big spankers but there are times (like biting, playing with outlets, scratching faces (my step sister is constantly covered in cuts on her face from her 7 and 5 year olds), truly dangerous or inappropriate stuff) where it is not tolerated especially after we have tried other methods and really, all it took was one, soft tap on the butt to get the picture-but that's my choice and my job as a parent not anyone else's.

But honestly, if someone else is willing to redirect a situation with my kids before I get to it, as long as it's appropriate, go for it. They'll probably listen better to them than me anyway.

Several issues at play
1. Meddling in other families business, even if she was not the mom, she is family, you aren’t
2. Drinking at a party with young children present regardless if you weren’t falling drunk it’s not the first time you mentioned alcohol involved. Tipsy and buzzed around kids is not a good idea.
3. Impulsive behaviors that more typical for high school teens, not women in their 30s

Several things could be done to improve: stop interfering in something that’s not your concern, stop drinking especially in front of young kids, count till 10 before you say or do things, find classier friends.

Also if you cannot have a person at the wedding, you cannot and should not have her as a friend. You are saying she is like s family yet can’t be at your wedding. Really?

AShmere - seems like you are very controlling, stop it...

1. It was not your house and not your place to do or say anything
2. if you where so concerned about SS getting hurt you could've told him, SS stop horsing around or you will have to sit in a corner, only SS
3. You have no right what so ever to take charge in other peoples home, if you don't like the situation leave

I honestly have never been to Thanksgiving or other holiday family dinners that involved so much drinking that people were buzzed and tipsy and get into fights with others. I certainly heard of such “family” events, saw on TV or heard on stand up comedy but never been to one. I dont see how such “family” events are beneficial for “family” time or show poor children any kind of appropriate role models.

If I didn’t have appropriate classy company to spend holidays with I’d spend it volunteering at a homeless shelter or go out of town. I’d not subject myself or my child to such event.

Although you might think the kid is clueless, he isn’t. You’d be surprised how observing kids are of any age and what kids tell other kids or teachers at school about their home life. You don’t know what he told others at school. “How does your family spend holidays?” “We go to these people houses and my dad’s girlfriend gets drunk and fights with people”. Do be mindful how you behave around children.