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autumn_raynes's Blog

Surprising gifts givers

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I was extremely surprised by SO's family this year. They (including his kids) gave me and my kids gifts for Christmas. To be fair, they don't celebrate Christmas in the traditional sense; they usually go on a group ski trip. They aren't even gift givers for Hanukkah. I am not saying this to be gift grabby or anything but it was nice of them. Last year, which was my first Christmas really knowing them, I got them gifts because I didn't realize they didn't do gifts. By the time SO told me I had already bought them so I just gave them.

Breaking "First Family" Traditions

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I am realizing just how important breaking certain first family traditions are before you are in a new relationship and not during. My SO has always done holidays even (travel for holidays) together whilst divorce and with extended family.  Well in the coming week BM and the kids are going to their home country for an annual trip they take around this time. My SO with the exception of last year due to covid has always done these trips with them. 

My SO doesn't want to go on vacation with my kids because his kids can't come

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I want to take my kids on a vacation this summer because usually when my kids are off school in summer they are with their dad. However, this time my work schedule and visitation is working out with the school term start. Now initially (as in earlier this year when we talked about it) we were going to do a big vacation with my SO, his kids, my kids and me.

Fitting into the family is so hard

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I don't know why I reversed my policy concerning not doing joint events with BM. My SO's cousin had a graduation party; I did not attend. His other cousin is recently engage and they had a get together; I did not attend. But then I spent time with his parents, one of his brothers and his wife and the engaged couple and I thought we were getting on so well. So this weekend his aunt and uncle had a Father's Day BBQ. They have a nice house on the water and had jet ski's and it was to be all fun. 

Going back to the status quo

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My SO travels a lot for work but because of the covid he has been home more and I guess him being home more has really cemented our relationship and the ones with are respective kids even more. I took my kids out of school last year and we homeschooled while we both worked from home. My SO kids were already being homeschooled pre-covid so he took a more active role in the kids homeschooling. My SO even started teaching my kids some Russian. It was just a great bonding time. It was a lot of work but honestly I really enjoyed it.

My SO is unbothered by his family's preferring BM

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I cannot believe it but it seems I care more about his aunt in particular preferring BM more than he does. His youngest cousins graduated recently. For the ceremony BM was invited and not SO; because of the limited tickets they had. My SO was unbothered by it; I found out about it on scoail media (the BM invite not the graduation). He basically said that they are friends and he cannot tell them not to be friends and that we should just mind our business. 

Should I bring it up or let it go?

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My SO, his family nor BM never celebrate Shabbat. But since they were worried about some of their relatives experiencing a major conflict; they actually kept Shabbat. I went along as well as and some other family friends were there and everyone was nice. It was actually the best interaction I actually had with his family. I don't know if it was because they were a little emotional and worried but they were easy to be around.

I feel like I don’t fit into my SO family or co-parenting style

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I have been a distant reader of this site for a few months now. I have always felt that my situation was so not bad compared to some of the stuff posted here. I really love my SO and I get along with and actually like his kids. He feels the same about my kids too. However, I do not know if some of the issues are cultural differences, me over analylzing, hidden agendas on others part or just how everyone behaves.