SKIDS Suck! Live a little BM! Get the stick out of your skinny little ass!

If I'm totally honest, I don't really want 3 more kids, especially ones that are so little SD4, SS4, SD9. It's a suck fest. I absolutely HATE it! I've been raising kids for 20 years, it's hard. I have 3 of my own, BD9, BS11, BS19. I love them very much, but I'm already counting down the 10 years until I can sell the house, buy a boat and travel the world. Adios Amigo!

DH is the same age as me, but has only been a parent for 9 years. He & BM had time to have fun and enjoy their young adult hood without kids. I didn't. I have found a way to enjoy my young and middle adulthood WITH my kids. Before I met him, my kids were well traveled, I took them to cool places, we lived on a sailboat for a summer, we'd go to Jamaica on a whim. Our idea of a perfect Saturday is to sleep in, make a huge mess in the kitchen and cook some great food, then sit around playing and listening to music & dancing. Then go to a nice restaurant, see some theatre. YUP, all are expected to have appropriate behavior and USUALLY they do. Ha! Go figure!

DH SEEMS like he wants his kids to fit into that mold, and bust out of the rat race we put kids in where Johnny has to play X,Y,Z sport and get tons of trophies and Susie has to be a world class gymnast in her own mind and wear the right clothes and have the right friends, blah blah blah. So let's just put everything on hold and let our world revolve around pointless expectations that we place upon the children that they will carry with them for the rest of their lives. BARF!

Unfortunately, with the BM raising them all wrapped up in bubble wrap it will never be possible. SKIDS are fish out of water around my kids. We treat each other like the real world. If you act like a brat, someone is going to call you on it, you're not going to get coddled and be allowed to be high maintenance. We had a white elephant gift exchange for Christmas. ITS A FLIPPING JOKE PEOPLE! Biokids thought it was a hoot, someone ended up with emergency disposable underpants, just in case you know? SD8 FREAKED OUT AND HAD A MAJOR MELTDOWN BECAUSE SHE got mustache bandaids and what she really wanted was the rubber band shooter the BS11 got. WTF? I guess the other 12 freaking toys she got weren't good enough either, because it was the WORST CHRISTMAS EVER!

One more example, my kids 8 & 11, fly alone to see their biodad every other weekend, they've been flying with me since they were born, and alone for a few years now. It's nothing to them, they are good at it. The flight attendant almost always comments that they are the best travelers on the plane and she thinks they should do a training seminar for the adult travelers. LOL! BM won't let SD8 fly to see her dad at all, nor will she bring them here. He has to drive there and drive back and then do the return trip just for a weekend. SKIDS are so bubble wrapped I have a hard time seeing how this will ever change.

Now I am disgruntled, because I feel like I want to spend vacay with DH, but he wants to spend it with his BKIDS, who aren't allowed to travel, much less leave the country, so I end up staying home with my BKIDS. I haven't even used my dad's beach house in over 4 years since being with DH because BM won't give him enough time to DRIVE all the kids to Florida, so we sit at home, everyone disappointed.

2 questions -

1) Do we just start taking separate vacations? I live in US and want to take my BKids to Italy for Spring Break. He will not be able to go, as he has to save his days off for his BKIDS spring break (if BM let's him have them, which he just told me this morning is now in question, add that fight to the list of stupid shit we have to fight about).

2) Do we change our whole lifestyle to fit in to BMs dopey idea of how kids should be raised? Travel with kids??? UNSAFE! Discipline??? Cruel! Take chances??? NO WAY!

Lastly, if I take the advice I think I will get which I believe will be to do my own thing with my Biokids, then what does that do for my relationship and the life I want to have with DH??? Am I stupid to want him to be a father figure to my kids and do family things like vacay even if evil BM won't let his kids participate? Will his resentment grow as we raise MY BIOs in a way we LOVE and HIS BIOs are forced to become BM and have a Barbie and Ken life of BM creation and never experience new things and never take chances?

The Baroness Von Schrader's blog
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3.5 years is not too long!

3.5 years is not too long! I hope you get to start traveling soon. Why do we do this to ourselves?

Do your own thing. Don't have

Do your own thing. Don't have you and your kids miss out bc your DH/his kids can't come along. It sounds like you've given your kids a very interesting life and it would be unfortunate for them to miss out on traveling the world....plus, it's a great way to learn and grow as a person. I do feel bad for your DH and his kids - BM is really doing them a disservice. Tell your DH that you would love for him to come along on these trips, but that you will no longer forgo your plans bc BM is unreasonable.

I think I will take my kiddos

I think I will take my kiddos from now on. My guess is if DH sees us going and having rich experiences, he will be more forceful with BM about his own kids.

Either way, why should I compromise my kids for evil BM!?

Not a deal breaker for sure,

Not a deal breaker for sure, and I don't hate the kids being in my life. It just sucks having to very different parenting styles and trying to find a happy medium, because basically that ends up with no one being happy.
:O

Didn't you see all this prior

Didn't you see all this prior to marrying this man, that his kids weren't going to fit into your life with your kids?

No! Obviously I am a

No! Obviously I am a complete IDIOT! Who knows what is wrong with me, I mean REALLY!!!???

Urgh... :?

Do your own thing with your

Do your own thing with your kids. Even if your SKs were able to go on some trips, you should still be able to vacation alone with your kids.

Do not expect your husband to be a father figure to your kids. They have a dad..

If I had minor kids, I would not blow vacation time to go on a trip with my SKs without my bios. My vacation days would be used for adult only trips with my spouse and trips with bios.

Good point. We use lots of

Good point. We use lots of his vacay days to go on us only trips. It's absolute heaven! I think I just need to start taking bios on trips without DH and steps, just seem sooooo selfish! urgh.

My plan is to start doing

My plan is to start doing vacations with just biokid and myself. I am not letting my SD ruin another vacation...

Honestly, do one vacation with them without him and his tune may change. I think our ruined vacation with SD pretty much showed him she can't do a family vacation.

I agree with you in that if

I agree with you in that if you start doing stuff with out them, he may suddenly gain more motivation to take charge of his kids and his ex and make it work. Otherwise, he gets to keep you at home and no one gets to have fun. OIY! Petty, but true.

Thanks!!! I am very much

Thanks!!! I am very much leaning to this decision. I AM a cool mom. Biokids age 9 - 19 actually want to hang with me and have friends over. Believe me, i am strict on them sometimes, and don't let them pull tons of crap on me, but we have some pretty awesome times together as well.

We are working through the

We are working through the courts now, but are more focused on the basics and have to fight for every single inch with her. She is very resentful and jealous and blah blah blah. It's hopeless.

That's interesting that your

That's interesting that your niece was the step and was allowed and nephew was bio and NOT allowed. I guess I just assume the BM is always trying to invent roadblocks to our happiness and create drama and difficulty in our lives.

Thank you so much! I love

Thank you so much! I love that you noticed it! I thought it was perfect because I have always hated her character, and loved Maria! Duhhhh! But since becoming an evil stepmom, I love the Baroness. She's a HOT BEEATCH!

I wouldn't let my 8 year old

I wouldn't let my 8 year old fly unaccompanied. If she had an 11 year older brother to fly with her, then maybe, but not on her own. So I don't see that particular decision as bubble-wrapping. You can't expect 2 other parents to raise their children according to the same precedent you have set for yours, or raise yours according to the parenting style of BM and DH. You say DH loves your parenting style but it sounds to me like he actually tends towards a more protective parenting style with his own children. As you point out, you began parenting at very different times in your lives. If your styles are so different then the only workable solution is to focus on parenting your own children. Take holidays as a couple, or with your own children. It is unreasonable to expect him to holiday without his children when you get to holiday with yours, especially if he has to sacrifice time with his children to do it. Maybe you could do a weekend trip as a whole group sometime.

That's an interesting

That's an interesting perspective. I think DH is trying to smooth over things and not cause controversy with BM, but would wants to let his kids experience life more like mine. I see this in decisions he makes all the time with skids even though he knows she won't like it. In this post, I am specifically focusing on the travel aspect. It's becoming a major limiter to the way I want to raise my kids and the way I want to live my life with DH. I would never ask him to sacrifice time away from his own kids to take a vacation with mine, but maybe he is interpreting it that way. I will have to be sure I am clear.

Thanks for your feedback!

That's an interesting

Thanks for your feedback!

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SKIDS Suck! Live a little BM! Get the stick out of your skinny little ass!

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