RANT WARNING!!!! I don't actually like skids at all! BM of 3 - SM of 3
If I'm totally honest, I don't really want 3 more kids, especially ones that are so little SD4, SS4, SD9. It's a suck fest. I absolutely HATE it! I've been raising kids for 20 years, it's hard. I have 3 of my own, BD9, BS11, BS19. I love them very much, but I'm already counting down the 10 years until I can sell the house, buy a boat and travel the world. Adios Amigo!
DH is the same age as me, but has only been a parent for 9 years. He & BM had time to have fun and enjoy their young adult hood without kids. I didn't. I have found a way to enjoy my young and middle adulthood WITH my kids. Before I met him, my kids were well traveled, I took them to cool places, we lived on a sailboat for a summer, we'd go to Jamaica on a whim. Our idea of a perfect Saturday is to sleep in, make a huge mess in the kitchen and cook some great food, then sit around playing and listening to music & dancing. Then go to a nice restaurant, see some theatre. YUP, all are expected to have appropriate behavior and USUALLY they do. Ha! Go figure!
DH SEEMS like he wants his kids to fit into that mold, and bust out of the rat race we put kids in where Johnny has to play X,Y,Z sport and get tons of trophies and Susie has to be a world class gymnast in her own mind and wear the right clothes and have the right friends, blah blah blah. So let's just put everything on hold and let our world revolve around pointless expectations that we place upon the children that they will carry with them for the rest of their lives. BARF!
Unfortunately, with the BM raising them all wrapped up in bubble wrap it will never be possible. SKIDS are fish out of water around my kids. We treat each other like the real world. If you act like a brat, someone is going to call you on it, you're not going to get coddled and be allowed to be high maintenance. We had a white elephant gift exchange for Christmas. ITS A FLIPPING JOKE PEOPLE! Biokids thought it was a hoot, someone ended up with emergency disposable underpants, just in case you know? SD8 FREAKED OUT AND HAD A MAJOR MELTDOWN BECAUSE SHE got mustache bandaids and what she really wanted was the rubber band shooter the BS11 got. WTF? I guess the other 12 freaking toys she got weren't good enough either, because it was the WORST CHRISTMAS EVER!
One more example, my kids 8 & 11, fly alone to see their biodad every other weekend, they've been flying with me since they were born, and alone for a few years now. It's nothing to them, they are good at it. The flight attendant almost always comments that they are the best travelers on the plane and she thinks they should do a training seminar for the adult travelers. LOL! BM won't let SD8 fly to see her dad at all, nor will she bring them here. He has to drive there and drive back and then do the return trip just for a weekend. SKIDS are so bubble wrapped I have a hard time seeing how this will ever change.
Now I am disgruntled, because I feel like I want to spend vacay with DH, but he wants to spend it with his BKIDS, who aren't allowed to travel, much less leave the country, so I end up staying home with my BKIDS. I haven't even used my dad's beach house in over 4 years since being with DH because BM won't give him enough time to DRIVE all the kids to Florida, so we sit at home, everyone disappointed.
Do we just start taking separate vacations? I live in US and want to take my BKids to Italy for Spring Break. He will not be able to go, as he has to save his days off for his BKIDS spring break (if BM let's him have them, which he just told me this morning is now in question, add that fight to the list of stupid shit we have to fight about).
If my dad had a beach house,
If my dad had a beach house, I'd be down there with my biokids if skids couldn't go. Plus your DH needs to stand up to BM and say hey, we are going on a vacation to FL and flying there, if you don't like it tough (unless he has a CO that says otherwise). Does he have a CO that has vacay time set up? If he doesn't then take your children and have fun with them!
He does have a CO that was
Darn! Sorry, I knew this would be a total vent! OIY! }:)
A year!!! Sounds like you
A year!!! Sounds like you need a vacation!! LOL!! Get going!
THIS There's nothing wrong
THIS
There's nothing wrong with the way your husband and his exwife raised the children.
You all have different parenting styles. That doesn't mean one is right or wrong.
I couldn't help but laugh when I read about your morning of sleeping in, cooking singing and dancing. Most SMs here would flip the F out if their husbands and SKs did something like that.
I think 'raised' was not
I think 'raised' was not quite what happened. If the little two are both 4yr old (twins?) and the OP and her guy have been together over four years as OP stated, then the guy and BM haven't 'raised' the children together (in that BM/Dad/kids all living and being a family).
But then it's beyond me why the OP would hook up with a guy with two such very small (at time) babies who obviously has very different life style and parenting ideas...and over 4yrs later sit here whining she never wanted these kids in her life and she only wants to wait 10 years (vs 15) to run free of all children. Why pick a guy with two infants going in?
I was left with the same
I was left with the same impression. For someone so well traveled, she sure does seem judgmental about these kids. Not open minded at all. I get the impression that if someone doesn't do exactly like she does/did, they are wrong. It's funny, though, because my kids are involved in year round sports, more than one at a time, and we still managed to travel through 13 states this summer, including a few days at the beach. People do things differently. Some people are wrong. But they aren't wrong just because they are different from you.
Go to the beach house, go to
Go to the beach house, go to Italy, and have fun. Screw your DH's lack of backbone and BM's controlling neediness.
Thats where Im at now, Ive
Thats where Im at now, Ive never traveled anywhere really and I want to do sooo much with my kids. My DH has been to so many different places and he wants to travel more so alone for me and him time and I want to do both but majority I want to do stuff with the kids. Start planning trips with you and your bios, your DH will survive and you won't feel resentful or go somewhere with your DH and the bios when the Skids are gone. BM can not "stop" dad from taking her kids out of the country, the court can force her to give consent for a passport and you can just go. He allows BM to have control when he needs to just buck up and tell her he's taking them. What takes a year to modify a custody agreement ? It takes a couple hours, Ive done it with my ex a million times. Travel, live life, and send me photos please lol.
You need to live separate
You need to live separate lives. My wife and I regularly travel apart - she with a girlfriend and me with my dog.
Frankly I'd just leave the guy. You could die never having done the things you wanted to do while having spent years screwing around with his kids.
Go girl.