Rough day today.... and of all days, the Step Kids are coming for the weekend.
I had a bad day today just with regular life stuff and this is the weekend we get CLs kids. I don't look forward to this day on a good day nevermind a bad one! I've actually been considering going to a hotel for the weekend. I know that's not very supportive of my CL, but I really dread spending time with his kids. On a positive note, I got a new book I'm looking forward to reading!! When his kids come, I make sure I have a book to read. That way I've found it's easier to ignore it all and do my own thing. Ignore the sticky handprints. Ignore the extra laundry and dishes. Ignore the dirty tissues on the floor beside where they sat. Ignore the pee all around the toilet seat. Ignore. Ignore. Ignore. CL calls me OCD because I like things neat. But he just doesn't understand that I've never dealt with living with kids before... this is all I know. I like a tidy house. I like things away where they should be. Living here is going to make me have seizures because of the clutter and mess!!! Not literally, but it really annoys me.
This weekend is supposed to be really nice out. I already wonder if CL is going to plan anything for them all, or just let them watch TV all weekend. My sister invited us all out for a zoo day on Sunday but being the bad stepmom that I am, I don't want to go. Even with a group of others... my own family even, I don't want to spend time with those boys. I really don't like them. Considering I don't want my own kids and I've never spent this much time with any other kids, it doesn't suprise me.
I'm a wee bit down lately about the way things are. I had a fight with CL and we were pretty much breaking up. I was okay with it, he cried. My brother in law called me selfish and was mad I was even considering it, my sister said I was "sad", CL called me a monster because I'm willing to give up what we have just because I don't like kids.... I've never been called this many names before and felt like I had no control in my own life.
*Sigh* How does that serenity poem go again?? Accept the things I cannot change??
- baseballgirly's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
I'm sad that your'e ending
I'm sad that your'e ending the relationship but I understand why. If you don't like kids and never intend to ever have kids, it's better that you don't stick around. I think if I were in your shoes, I would eventually become resentful of them and take it out on them.
I wish you the best.
So far we're not ending it.
So far we're not ending it. It seems the guilt won out and we're working it out. I'm still not sure this relationship is what I want because of the kids, but I am willing to try it a bit longer.