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Dumb DH and even dumber BM

Bayleigh_24's picture

Submitted by Bayleigh_24 on Thu, 11/08/2012 - 9:10am

So this am was SS2 first day of daycare with us.... DH has to be at work at 7:30am he leaves the house at 7:00am the daycare is AT LEAST 20 minutes from the house... Not sure how he thought he would make it to work on time. But I bit my tongue and let him wake SS2 up RIGHT before he left and leave the house late. Then DH calls me and says "Note to self LEAVE EARLIER" I said "Yep I could have told you that one but Im not MOM so I dont know anything." What he forgets is I have a 9 year old neice in which I used to take to day care for my sister when my neice was around my SS age... But I can mark that one as a lesson learned the hard way Smile

So now on to how the BM is even dumber.... So she COURT ORDERED DH and I to have a "licensed" day care for SS2. Ok whatever we did it. Well now that she has been Court ordered to give us SS2 shot records so we could enroll SS in day care (this was ordered back in September) our final hearing is Friday (as in TOMORROW) and we still dont have shot records. Day care was nice enough to work with us today and take the kid but has told us that we have lost our spot b/c we havent registered him yet.... Will the judge do anything to this dumb broad??? She hasnt followed ANY of the court ordered stuff.

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SMof2Girls's picture

Submitted by SMof2Girls on Thu, 11/08/2012 - 9:32am

We went through something similar .. BM refused to hand over any medical records and refused to allow us to make appointments for the SD's. When I say refused, she regularly called the Dr office and cancelled any appointments we made (after she figured out what DH was trying to do).

We eventually got them done without her cooperation and against her wishes, got their updated physicals and vaccinations, and it was done.

All of that because she changed her mind about liking the day care DH and her agreed to send to the girls to for the summer.

Bayleigh_24's picture

Submitted by Bayleigh_24 on Thu, 11/08/2012 - 10:02am

Why?!?! I dont understand why they act like this.... Really? Its a freaking kid.. NOTHING matters about the parents or step parents... It SHOULD be strictly about the kid nothing else. Everyone is acting so immature and I am so over it. I really dont want it to get in the way of me and DH we are PERFECT when the kid isnt there and as soon as SS gets there it feels like there is a HUGE elephant in the room Sad Im really trying to pray about this and make sure it isnt ME and seriously trying to everything I can... I just want this to get easier.

SMof2Girls's picture

Submitted by SMof2Girls on Thu, 11/08/2012 - 10:55am

The only real thing I've been able to conclude is that we can see the situation differently and more clearly because we're NOT the bio parents.

Sure, I've developed a relationship with my skids, but I didn't birth them, raise them, bond with them, etc the way their parents have. It's emotional for parents, not logical.

They see the whole custody situation as an opportunity for themselves to have time with their kids. And in their heads, the kids spending time with them IS the SAME THING as what's best for them.

As for our BM, well, she is just bitter, angry, and miserable. She hates the fact that DH ended their marriage officially (she unoffiically ended it when she cheated multiple times and continued to do so even AFTER he found out and forgave her for the sake of their children). So she does these things and makes life difficult because she hates DH more than she loves her kids. It's about winning for, about being in control, about always having the upper hand and final say.

They justify all the things they want "in the best interest of the kids", but rarely really step back and look at the whole picture long-term. It's sad. More so because we, the stepparents, have no real say in anything that happens, but we see the situation the clearest of everyone.

Frustr8d1's picture

Submitted by Frustr8d1 on Thu, 11/08/2012 - 10:54am

Funny you mention "it feels like there is a HUGE elephant in the room" Just the other day, I described SD9 to DH by saying the same thing! It really does feel like the huge elephant that everyone wants to pretend is invisible. What a crappy way to live.

BTW, after 6 yrs, it hasn't gotten any easier for me and from what everyone on this site keeps saying, it will never get easier. I don't even know how to cope.

Bayleigh_24's picture

Submitted by Bayleigh_24 on Thu, 11/08/2012 - 12:03pm

I just had a "talk" with DH and let all the feelings go and his response... "WOW! I didnt realize you felt THAT way about it. After tomorrow (Our "final" court date") it will all be better I promise!!!" Really???? No it will NEVER be better I have to deal with her the REST of my life if I stay married to you... ANd I have to deal with this HUGE elephant in the room for the rest of my life... I just wish we could ALL be adults and let bygones be bygones and get on with our life. BM is remarried and has a kid on they way. DH and I got married in October and plan to start trying for a kid next October... Its like we all have new lifes cant we all get along and move on??

P.S. Can I just say BM just got a SKANKY skull on her upper right arm and shes like 6 months preggo.... Is that even safe???????