You are here

Am I the Only One?

Beautiful Dreamer's picture

Submitted by Beautiful Dreamer on Sat, 05/19/2012 - 4:28pm

Are any of you step moms who's DH's pays CS but don't see their child(ren) because BM refuses to allow visitation regardless of what the court order says?

Comments

Aeron's picture

Submitted by Aeron on Sat, 05/19/2012 - 4:32pm

Yep.

Ommy's picture

Submitted by Ommy on Sat, 05/19/2012 - 4:54pm

That is why you enforce the CO it isnt that hard. Show up at the court ordered time and place if she refuses call the cops and get a police repot. When you have a few of them go to court and file contempt

Aeron's picture

Submitted by Aeron on Sat, 05/19/2012 - 5:01pm

Yea, we've done that. Judge looked at BM, shook his finger and said "You shouldn't do that."

That was it.

Three times DH filed contempt when BM didn't show up for two visitations in a row. Same Judge every time. Every time, judge shook his finger. Did NOTHING. So explain to me again how it's just not that hard?

Then of course, we filed again and BM worked SD up into a rampage and now we have a completely unenforceable CO because the judge decided that our CO should say "as all parties agree"

Well, BM never agrees, so now we never see her. How do we enforce that?

Aeron's picture

Submitted by Aeron on Sat, 05/19/2012 - 5:03pm

According to the several lawyers we've talked to, we could request it but it would be a total waste of time and money and most likely wouldn't be granted. We had to deal with the end-all, be-all of golden uterus states.

LRP75's picture

Submitted by LRP75 on Sat, 05/19/2012 - 9:16pm

I'm wondering if you live in the same state and deal with the same county that we do. The judge sounds the same...

Aeron's picture

Submitted by Aeron on Sun, 05/20/2012 - 8:52am

I think they clone those judges and send them out to 'special' areas all across the country.... We're on the east coast.

imthewife's picture

Submitted by imthewife on Sat, 05/19/2012 - 5:31pm

If she refuses visitation then stop paying support. Put the support away in a separate account and when she bitches and goes to court you show the judge you have the money but havent seen the kids.

You should be calling the cops everytime to keep a record. Otherwise her next mov is to drag him to court claiming he refuses to see his kids nd she wants more money.

Make the cops sick of her. And no matter what anyone says...cops must enforce the order.

doll faced sm's picture

Submitted by doll faced sm on Sat, 05/19/2012 - 5:40pm

If only it were that easy. The Plague called the garrison commander on my DH when he was 3 days late. Ummmm . . . yeah, mail from CO to GA sometimes takes 3 days. Now he has to pay by allotment. And no, he never gets to see his son. The Plague has made it perfectly clear that she has no intention to ever allow him to, either.

stormabruin's picture

Submitted by stormabruin on Mon, 05/21/2012 - 6:28am

If there is an order to pay, you have to pay. You can hardly take someone for contempt when you are in contempt yourself. Judges don't look kindly on parents who squander money & refuse to pay ordered support for their children.

Cops do not have to enforce the order. Many deparments even refuse to get involved & will simply direct you to file with the courts.

Anon2009's picture

Submitted by Anon2009 on Sat, 05/19/2012 - 5:51pm

I was. BM withheld visitation when she felt like it. Those COs can be hard to enforce. It really depends on your state's laws and the judge involved. Some judges are so pro-BM it's disgusting.

And the people who really get screwed the most in these situations are the kids. Studies show that kids who have two involved, loving parents are far more likely to have happy lives and far less likely to turn out as criminals, drug-users, get pregnant while underage, and turn out to be angry people. The system and these BMs are doing these kids more harm than good.

Beautiful Dreamer's picture

Submitted by Beautiful Dreamer on Sat, 05/19/2012 - 11:30pm

Slaps on the hand are not enough! The father is an automatic deadbeat if he doesn't pay CS but nothing is considered bad if the BM doesn't allow the father visitation.

stormabruin's picture

Submitted by stormabruin on Mon, 05/21/2012 - 6:35am

Beautiful Dreamer, there are a number of us here who deal with Parental Alienation. Have you read anything on it? It's much easier to cope with, even if you can't beat it, if you really get an understanding of what's involved as far as the kids are concerned.

I had never heard of it until I joined ST. Trying to get answers is what led me here. We were far too into it to be able to beat it, but there are a couple of books I've purchased & have read & made reference to numerous times that have helped DH & I get through the hurt & anger we've experienced because of it.