hi there im brand new and lookin for from guidence!
Hey everyone,
i'm brand new to the SP game, i have been with my partner for 2 years and only just being introduced to the kids. That was by my choice, i am only 23 and i think its a big scary world and not sure if i am ready for it yet. My BF is a amazing dad and thankfully his 2 kids are lovely. (SD 7 and SS 10)
My partner did what alot of the things you suggest and his kids and i wrote letters to each other, told stories about me and showed photos etc, and took it really slow. i have met the kids about 10 times now and so far its going well.
i just am getting the feeling i'll never feel apart of the family. they are all really close and my partner includes me and makes a big effort, but i just feel i'm never going to get a xmas card or be invited to school activities. its my life as well and i'm only young, why does it feel my path is already planned out for me and i don't get a say. it just fustrates me, my opinions isnt counted, BM and him work out the schedules and i just get told.. i know i probley shouldnt get a say but just feel i will never fit in or belong.
has anyone ever felt like this? any advice...
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Welcome! Read lots of Step
Welcome! Read lots of Step parent books! LOL
Also getting advice here can be very helpful - I posted something on another blog that might be of some use - so give me a minute so I can dig it up for ya.
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"Most couples have not had hundreds of arguments, they've had the same argument hundreds of times."
Ok I can't find it, I'm
Ok I can't find it, I'm thinking the OP must have deleted the blog - anyhow I just read BMjens response and I agree!
Don't let it overwhelm you - just cross one bridge at a time - I think if you can find your sense of humor even in the most uncomfortable times and react with dignity and grace, you will do just fine.
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"Most couples have not had hundreds of arguments, they've had the same argument hundreds of times."
Hey girl!
Hey girl! Welcome!!!!!!!!!
I have felt like this before. But the biggest thing I want to say to you is this. Don't worry about them right now, you are married to their father, not them. If you aren't a part of that family don't you worry about it. You are a part of HIS family, and that's all that matters.
I think to many SM's jump in guns blazing to be a part of the family. But really, the kids are very important, but to YOU...nothing is more important than your DH. So don't worry about the kids just yet. See how it all unfolds.......
You be there for him, let him worry about the rest.
well so far i have read 3
well so far i have read 3 step parent books! i'm trying to take this seriously and i signed up for this, i've been reading alot of posts on here and it seems like im fairly lucky with my situation and we haven't really had any fights about it at all, its just trying to find my place where i fit in i guess!
BD and i have walk nights on mondays and go for a 5k walk and talk about the weekly events and what we are both thinking, which really helps so much and we set up a game plan for the week. i guess im used to being romantic and lovely dovey and since his kids live 3 streets away! they just now come over whenever they feel like that and it really wrecking the mood! i know it there place as well and he welcomes them coming over but a phone call before hand wouldn't hurt!
its just nice to find a place where i can chat and ask questions, since all my friends have no clue what im talking about the half the time!
thanks BMjen, that really
thanks BMjen, that really hits home and makes alot of sense!
right now its taking very small steps and trying to build some sort of friendship, they have a BM and thats not the role i ever want to play, i think im just impatient!
Welcome...! BMJen, gives
Welcome...!
BMJen, gives some good advice on this... so I won't bore you with a repeat post. Hang in there girl! It's a tough road sometimes... but we make it work!
DISbelief~
~You have to BE crazy to UNDERSTAND crazy!~
Welcome Ladylou. "A
Welcome Ladylou.
"A pessimist complains about the wind, an optimist counts on the wind changing, a realist adjusts his sails"
There IS a difference between having a different opinion and being an asshole, find it.
Welcome! ****"She had his
Welcome!
****"She had his past. I have his future." The Lovely Belleboudeuse****
big thanks to everyone! i
big thanks to everyone! i think i've finally found a place where people actually understand the crazy thoughts i have in my head!!
Welcome!
Welcome!
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"If it sounds like I think I am better than you, it's because I do."
10 meetings is not that much
10 meetings is not that much if you step back and think about it. i think it took a year for my SD to really warm up to me. now into year 3 it really has a family feel when she is here...but it can be slow going:)
yeah 10 meetings isn't that
yeah 10 meetings isn't that much and i know that its still very early days for everyone. Im just trying to be really casual and let it happen naturally and not make anyone uncomfortable, or feel to weird! but its more if they are out in the backyard playing and im inside do i go out and play or wait to be invited? just silly things
The BM has had a new partner and they have sleep overs and go away together, and he had 4 kids of his own and they all hang out together and they have only been seeing each other about 6months, i guess i just see all that happening and im getting jealous. i feel i don't have anything cool to bring to the table!
well no need to wait in the
well no need to wait in the house! stop being so hesitant.
what are YOU good at? identify those things, and make suggestions to do some family things that work well with your interests. then you will in a good light and feel comfortable too.
take some charge of the planning a bit...you will feel better. kids are not going to "invite" you..they are kids:)
here is an idea:) free of
here is an idea:) free of charge...
they like the back hard right?
get a picnic blanket...make up a picnic ( a basket helps too) and picnic in the backyard. make a big deal of "going on a picnic" get the frisbees out....really pack up the food.
we did an indoor picnic once, because it rained...SD talks about it to this day "when can we picnic again?" all it took was plastic silverware, a basket and a checkered blanket:)