I think you need to allow your dh to make the 3 hour dinner and then when the kid is still hungry after not eating we will see if it bothers him.

People are raised differently and in turn raise their children just a tad different than they were raised. Generally, a parent will take away the lessons and traditions they thought were good and apply them to their own children. They also will reject some of what their parents did while raising them. There is usually a disagreement about how to raise children even when the nuclear family is intact.

What you need to do is sit down with your husband and compromise on house rules. You guys need to learn how to blend your ideas on what is, and isn't proper for YOUR household. He needs to understand that you are 1/2 of the relationship and there are certain things that you expect from his children while they are in your home. You need to understand that he is not alwasy going to agree with you on the raising of his children. The only way you can co-exist is to compromise. What may be "small stuff" to him may be a deal breaker for you. You need to let him know that life will be more harmonious if he can at least agree to work with you on the things that his kids do that really grate on your nerves.

You're not crazy. My DH's kid used to gag and pretend to throw-up whenever she ate my cooking. I am an excellent cook, so it wasn't that it was bad food. It was that she's a badly behaved child. So I stopped cooking for her. I only cooked when she was with Uberskank, the minute she came home DH was in charge of meals or at least her meals.

Now she lives with Uberskank again. I usually insist on DH cooking and I very rarely cook when she's around. Why go through her crap? She's 15 now and I am polite but otherwise don't give her the time of day. Especially with my culinary skills.

Now....was the yogurt worth a fight? Absolutely not. You're going to have to learn to turn a blind eye on those moments. Disengage and remember it's not your kid. My DH used to fill the house with crap for his kid to eat, then would make remarks to me (without her around) that he was worried she was putting on weight. I would look at him, go to the pantry and pull out the cookies, mac n cheese, top ramen, high fat crackers, spray cheese and ask "what do you think?"

This summer will be interesting as DH and I have completed changed our eating habits and shop at a health food store. I'm going to see if he's going to buy her healthier food or run to the old store and buy her the crap she prefers to eat. Either way, it's none of my concern.

We can only do so much with these skids. I think the best way to deal with it is to disengage. We can put the fruit and veggies out there, but there isn't anything we can do when Dad gives them cookies and ice cream.