I'm sorry.. Your wrong to question me
Yesterday showed me all the fights about DHs behavior with FauxSGD and FauxSD actually had nothing to do with them and everything to do with him.
2 weeks ago DH bought my BS a computer you put together yourself. I told him we have agreed to budget, Christmas is around the corner. Please stop. He agreed. Told me I was right, we would budget and pay bills first. Start saving blah blah blah.
Payday was yesterday. DH woke up early and had spent over $200 online before I was even awake. I brought this to his attention. He apologized. Told me he would now put me in charge of online purchases. He would show me everything he wanted and I would be the one to actually buy it. I don't/didn't like this idea. I told him, we had a plan before. We talked about this all and you still did this, I don't want to be the one in control... I want you to stick to our agreements.
I told him breaking our agreement is the same as lying to me. You said on thing, did another. You have already apologized before. And yet here we are again.
Well, he threw a temper tantrum. Fine, I got you some stuff, stuff for the house, stuff I promised your DD, a shaver for me (took him 15 mins to admit to buying faux SGd stuff even though he has spent $800 in two months on her) I'm canceling everything, but I will NOt cancel SGD stuff. I promised your DD this but you tell her I canceled it. I was floored and told him, ok. I see, so once again the $60 you just spent on SGD you will not cancel but you will break a promise to DD (never told me about this promise)
I was told I'm controlling, I have to have everything my way, I don't own him, he shouldn't have to feel bad for buying people stuff, I act like I've never done anything wrong, I have no right to be mad, if I don't understand why he did this then I don't know him at all, he doesn't like me.... I will not put him on an allowance and he will do what he wants... On and on.
Then he wanted to talk about how he bought me something. It's how he says he cares. I told me if buying things is how he says he cares, then I'm truly on the bottom of the list. $5700 this years in stuff for faux SGD, $2500 in stuff for DD $1700 for BS and $1100 for me. Of that $1100 I'm including my birthday present. The kids totals do not include bday presents.
Then I was told I am selfish and want him to buy me and only me stuff. I told him, nope dear, but if buying things is your way of showing how much you care it is there black and white who you care about and my own DD is WAY higher then me.
He took off with FauxSD for 2 hours and came back and wanted to talk about feelings. I should have know better. He wanted to talk about his feelings and only his feelings. I was suppose to sit there and listen... Agree with him and move on. He went first. When I tried to talk about my feelings he had a smart-ass comment to add to everything I said.
Well, as it ended up he canceled only what he bought me. Everyone else's is still coming.
I was told this isn't a big deal, and I'm making it more then it is.
He ended it with taking a full Xanax and going to bed.
It hasn't been like this since fauxSGD went back to her moms. But it was a wake-up call. The fights before weren't because of him protecting her or siding with her. He WILL NOT be wrong. "I hurt his feelings" by bring this up.
I seriously do not know even were to go from here.
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" I have to have everything
" I have to have everything my way, I don't own him, he shouldn't have to feel bad for buying people stuff, I act like I've never done anything wrong,"
This type of petulant, obfuscating rhetoric sounds a lot like my ex-husband. You know how that ended. Ex.
Sorry you're living with this, it was a nightmare for me.
Last night I saw a completely
Last night I saw a completely different side to him. Nothing he does is ever wrong. He even told me " judge not les you be judged". WTF??
I thought about an exit plan
I thought about an exit plan last night.
All of his friends that have become mutual friends have told me how stubborn he is. Even his bioD told me he is very stubborn. He likes to think he is soo selfless. He has told me he helps everyone else out. BUT he does it because he wants to, it makes him feel good. It is never about being there for someone else, it is about how it makes him feel. I even tried to talk to him about the fact that we had $200 to make it to pay day. He got upset that I got DD a $6.99 book. So out of the $200 he spent $75 on himself. He actually responded with, I spent $40 last month on DD for books. And when we only had $200, I spent $6.99. And he would do anything for me. I asked him if he really thought spending $29.99 out of the last $60 we had on himself was ok? He said, well we have always be fine before.
Actually
Blew my opinion of him out of the water. Money is money to him. Or he is just being stubborn. There is a big difference in me spending $40 on books for DD for her reading goal this semester and him spending $800 on fauxSGD because he wants to. A big difference between $6.99 and $75. I told him, I have 1 pair of jeans. And they are ripped and 2 big. I would like to get some jeans. He responded with my jeans are too expensive. I buy addicted or rock revival. I haven't bought jeans in 2 years. I go to a place that has them for 50% less then boot barn, me spending $75 on jeans (which I havent done) is me being selfish. But I asked him why he can buy fauxSGD a $80 shirt (she is 11!!!!!) and $75 is too much for me?? All of sudden I have a problem with SGD.
In the last 4 months I have bought him 4 pairs of jeans, and 7 shirts. He had NO clothes. All his shirts were bleached and jeans ripped. He has got me 2 shirts. Because he like them.
I'm rambling. I'm sorry.
I just have seen how his " I'm a nice guy" routine is a fake. He is very selfish. He is NOT who I thought he was. Everything comes back to how it makes him feel.
DD went to 5th grade camp last year. It is expensive. Soo she got the stuff for camp, and stuff for her birthday (it was around the same time) and nothing else for 6 months. DH countered me rewardeding her for her grades with we spent $700 on camp for her. He just paid for fauxSGDs camp, all the stuff she needed, her school pictures, the outfit he wanted (see past blog on THAT issue), took her to the movies, bought her all this unnessacary stuff for a project at school ( over the top stuff ANd stuff her mom was going to buy and told DH not to buy) is taking her to ice cream tomorrow.(has spent over $800 in 2 months on her.. DDs total to include her birthday was $700) If I brought up that DD didn't get extras because of camp costs, I would be told he just wants to "do something nice for SGD" and I'm controlling.
Anyways. My whole point... When he wants to do it, or it is for SGD everything is justifiable. When it is for DD, DS, or me there are excuses.
He has such a double standard. We buy books for the kids. We both love reading and try to pass that on. Any book he has bought for DD or DS have been for the "library". He bought DS mythology books, and 3 classic books that were graphic novel format. Specifically told me and DS they were for him. SGD wants to read them, now they are for the "library". DD was reading the Dork Diaries series, he promised her book 3. SGD wants to read it now it a "library" book. BUT SGD books that he buys are HERS. He bought box sets of the warriors series, a total of 35 books. All hers. No they aren't for the "library". They are just for her. She doesn't have to share. "Library" books that has special items like diary books, stickers, necklaces... All that went to SGD. Even the special bookmark that came with Dds book.
He is so one sided. Only what and who matters to him. I have surgery, I had to get my SIL (brothers wife, my family) down her to help me. He wouldn't reschedule SGd dentist check-up because he already did to take me to have surgery. So the day after surgery he leaves for 2 hours.
Ok.., now I'm really rambling. Sorry this is soooo long. Last night REaLLY opened my eyes and I have to figure out my life now.
That is what I saw very
That is what I saw very clearly last night.
So do you earn money? Can you
So do you earn money? Can you separate finances?
We can. He won't. Seperate
We can. He won't.
Seperate finances don't actually stop the problem though. The problem is he spends more then the extra we have. Justifies it with it being for everyone else. He isn't selfish. It's his guilty pleasure. Of course, we can no longer afford my guilt pleasure because of his guilty pleasure. In fact can't even afford for me to buy a pair of pants.
I'm will not pay my half just to have my car repoed or electric turned off because he doesn't pay his half.
So now he is attacking everything I buy all the way down to pet food. It is fucking bullshit.