I'm having such a hard time understanding my new role as step parent. I told myself I would never be a step parent for this very reason. In April I married my very first boyfriend after 20 years of being apart. I had married someone else and have three beautiful teenagers from my marrage of 16 years. My husband has two wonderful young daughters from a relationship he was in for 5 years until two years ago. We reconnected at what seemed to be the exact moment in time when we needed each other. I love his daughters as my own and hardly think of them as "step" children but more as shared children. I am an early childhood developement specialist so young children are my life. The mother of the chidlren is a good mom. She takes very good care of the girls and loves them very much. She can be emotionally immature at times and makes decisions based on emotions that I don't agree with but in all she's doing a decent job. She and I get along fine and are able to communicate well. She and my husband get along as well. The problem stems from my education and my strong personality. Sometimes I feel like I overstep some invisable line with the children or their parents. I know that some of the things I do with the children hurts their mothers feelings. I took the oldest on a "date" to the salon and shopping and fun for a whole day because she was having a hard time dealing with adult drmama at her mother's house. She didn't directly tell me but from what the child has told me, her feelings where hurt. I currently keep them while mom and dad are at work and with the help of my 15 year old daughter, we have potty trained the 2 year old in a matter of weeks where mom was off for three months and accomplished nothing. Currently everything is annoying me. She expects us to pay more then the court ordered child support all the time. She complains about the insurance my husband carries for the children and expects him to pay more of the medical expenses then court ordered. My husband works swing shifts but we have the children every day he has off but she is very careful not to allow us to have them any more over nights than she claimed in the child support. She recently had the gull to ask if we could meet her half way after work on his days off (non-visitation days) to save her money, even though I watch them for free and I'm pretty sure daycares don't make an effort to bring the kids to you. I've talked to my husband about not letting her take advantage of us and he agrees but feels that telling her NO would cause problems and she would make it difficult to co-parent. I agree with him but I'm still frustrated. She feels the need to "police" what we do her but we are not to even comment on anything that happens there for fear that she will make things difficult. I'm not suggesting that she uses the child to her advantage but she certainly thinks she's their "owner" and we are just "borrowing" them! As my five year old step daughter would say "she needs to lern how to share!" I'm not sure how to handle all of this. I wish step parents had a class lol