SS25 (Luke Skywalker) is still living with BM (Darth Vader).  For a long time after their divorce, Luke would not speak to SO due to PAS.  However, a couple of years ago Luke reached out and they have been meeting for lunch about once every couple of months.  A couple of months ago SO broke the news to Luke that he was getting re-married and that he would like Luke to consider coming to the wedding next summer.  

Luke and I have no relationship.  He is an actor and I met him briefly when SO said hello backstage at a college play he was performing in, but that is literally it.  It has been mostly Luke's choice but since he's an adult (and was an adult when SO and I met) I don't believe it necessary to push him to interact with me.

In addition to not interacting with me, Luke has been estranged for SO's family (including his sister Bratty McBratFace) - also a by-product of Darth Vader's PAS.  SO is trying to press him to come to the wedding next summer as a way to re-integrate with his family (as most will be attending).  To further nudge him in that direction, SO asked Luke if he was ready to meet me in person for lunch.  Luke hemmed and hawed and eventually said 'maybe'.

While I support SO in wanting to re-connect with Luke, and to re-integrate him with his family, I also feel uncomfortable.  I simply don't want a close relationship with his adult children.  Partly due to my experience with Bratty but also partly because Luke also seems stunted. 

At 25 he is still living at home with Darth, sleeping till noon, playing video games all day.  He says he fears COVID (even after vaccination) and doesn't want to go to auditions.  He was also in a car accident last month (not his fault) that left him with a concussion and a totaled car.  He was doing voice-over work for audiobooks but now he says the concussion leaves him with headaches and he's unable to wear headphones to complete a recording.  He has done literally very little in the past year and a half and is really becoming the quintessential failure to launch.

SO and I talked about it last night and we came to the conclusion that Darth Vader is not pushing Luke out of the nest because she likes having him there (otherwise she would be alone).  We also came to the conclusion that although SO can continue encouraging Luke to go out and do things, it will really have to be either Darth Vader who pushes him (which is not likely to happen) or Luke will have to wake up one day and find the motivation himself.  It makes my SO sad but he also realizes his son is an adult now and it is what it is.

I told SO that I think an occasional lunch with Luke is certainly fine at this point but we'll have to see how that goes and I don't want to be pushed to doing more than I'm comfortable with.  Frankly - as I've told SO - I don't see Luke really growing up until he gets out from under Darth Vader's grip.  I also told SO from what he described Luke actually sounded depressed but we aren't sure if Luke would accept help if offered.  

PAS really does a number on these kids, for sure.