what about your feelings? When H and I were talking reconcilliation he had the nerve to suggest that I should just do anything he wanted me to and then things would be allright.

I was a big dummy taking him into consideration and ignoring my own needs, but I don't need a man that bad...

I think the mistake a lot of us have made is to offer our best selves to these men and then they just take us for granted and have an expectation of always being selfless.

In this econimy, you cannot afford to be so selfless. BTW moms are ususally right in their assesment of "our" men, I know mine was.

One can only hope!

That's pretty much how it's been for me...living in fh's house, my friends/family 2 hrs away, etc. It's a very difficult road to hoe.
I don't have a single suggestion to fix everything. I was doing good with the LoveDare, which got fh thinking and changing...things were great. The problem is if I am "me"--i.e. snippy, bitchy, etc., he is like, uh oh we're back to the way things were. He likes me if I'm a bubble headed bleach blonde(I am so I can say that lol), but gets irritated if I have "feelings" or "needs" or make him "think".lol
I have found the softer approach works wonders with these types of guys. I approach it like a dumb blonde (again I'm role playing not putting anyone down lol) and he responds way better than when I get angry and crazy. Don't get me wrong, there are times where crazy-angry are completely appropriate and he should shudder in fear lol, but nice gets you further with these bonehead guys than mean.
The problem too is you get so frustrated you vent on them in a not so nice way and they take it wrong. Even if you just voice a frustration, they HEAR it as you criticizing THEM. I have this happen constantly. So, I vent here and in therapy and try to be more gentle in how I handle things at home. I try to speak to fh like I would the skids--I would never scream or swear at them, so I try to make that the goal with fh too. It doesn't always work, but when it does it makes life alot smoother.
I don't know if playing dumb or faking nice when you want to rip his face off is the right thing, ya know? I do it because I'm trying to empathize with him and think hey, maybe I am being a little bitchy about this, maybe I ought to tone it down a little... But maybe these guys need a good screaming-at sometimes so they know we're not doormats.
No matter how crappy things are going though, you still have everybody on here--we've been there, done that and got the tshirt.lol Vent anytime sister.
Hugs, LT

Ask him to tell you how he feels. Sit there, wait for him to tell you exactly what his needs are that aren't being met. Ask him to phrase all this in "I" statements (I feel ....") rather than "you" statements ("You never... you always..."). Sit quietly, don't interrupt, and do the active listening thing -- i.e., at the end of what he says, say, "So, here's what I hear you saying. Am I getting this correct?" and paraphrase what he has said, and keep doing that until he says you've gotten it right. Really listen. And then, schedule a time a day or two later for him to do the same thing: he now needs to listen to you, without interrupting except for a clarification if he doesn't understand, and when you're done, he needs to recite back to you what he's heard you saying, keeping at it until you are confident that he's completely heard you.

After that, he should, if he's mature, know what your issues are and that you are not the "problem". He should have a sense of what your needs are which aren't getting met, and you should have a sense of his. Then you can work out solutions for them.

If he's not interested or able to do this -- if he continues to belittle your needs or say you're the problem and he's blameless, well, then you have another problem. Google active listening if you want to have your H read some stuff on it ahead of time so he gets what it's about and why it's a good technique. Here's one site:

http://themarriagecounselingblog.com/marriage-counseling/couples-counsel...

BB

- You are not second best, you are not second class. Do not ever let anyone make you feel that way. (2Bloved)

in my blended family drama myself.

Then I realign with the realization that my primary focus is and always has been my marriage and what is in the best interest of my Son (my SS) and I realize that though I am many things, I am not THE problem.

From what you describe, you are not THE problem either. In any relationship each participating individual owns some element of the drama. But ultimately if we are focusing on the needs of our spouse and our kids/Skids then though we may own some of the problems we are not THE problem.

Congrats on DH's new job and hang in there on the MBA. MY Wife and I both did our MBAs while married, working and raising a young(er) child. It is worth it and it will pay off. When you finish the clouds may not part and gold coins may not fall from the sky immediately but it will return incredible dividends for you personally, professionally and for your family in the years to come.

It has for both of us.

Hang in there.

Good luck and best regards,

Success is rarely final. Failure is rarely fatal. It is character, courage and consistency of effort that count. Vince Lombardi (with some minor Rags modifications)