I've been traveling for work (Maine) and so has SO (New Jersey) so we were finally home and able to regroup. Last night after dinner, I asked if now is a good time to talk about something that has been bothering me. I wanted full attention.

I told him I was very bothered by our argument the other day about leaving our wedding party to tuck the skids into bed. I told him it made me feel like he was not making me and our marriage and relationship the priority. I told him I posted it on here and got MANY responses, and not a single one said they left or should leave on their wedding day, including many bio-parents.

He said he DOES make me a priority and many of his actions over the last 4 years have shown that. I agree, he does in many ways. He said "For the most part, I know I am a good dad. I am not a guilty dad or a Disney dad. But every once in a while those feelings creep in, and in this case I let it get the best of me for a moment. After thinking about it and talking to you that day, I completely agree that we should not leave the wedding to put the kids to bed, the sitter can do that. I want our wedding night to be special and you will be my focus."

I told him it made me feel (like one of the posters pointed out) that he felt like the marriage WASN'T a positive for the skids since he was worried about their feelings and reactions to it. He said that wasn't the case at all, he was more worried about them being in a foreign place. The young kids (SS5 and SS4) have only been to Austin (where they live) and Charlotte (where we live) and the wedding is in Philadelphia. He agrees they will be fine. He admitted he had a moment of "divorced daddy guilt" and that is not what he really thinks.

We talked about us making OUR relationship the priority and not the kids. Luckily, as some of you know, I have really wonderful essentially no-conflict skids, a wonderful BM1 and tolerable BM2, so this isn't a major issue. The skids are supportive of and excited about our marriage. I reminded him that when the skids are older (SDs are 15 and 12 now, SSs are 5 and 4), they will be out living their lives and all we will have is each other.

He agrees he wants to work on communication and having a close and loving relationship. He is British and more standoffish and not an emotional communicator, whereas I am an OVER-communicator, so that is something we struggle with. He said the most important thing to him is that we are a team and we have each other's backs. We talked about a few things we could do to make the other feel more loved and appreciated, and some phrases or actions we could avoid as well.

Overall I'm feeling good about it. He was late to work this morning so he could have a lay in and cuddle with me. I'm glad it went well.