My irresponsible husband
As i sit here with my son, 24, who has a concussion from a car accident, i think about how irresponsible my husband is....just shitty, irresponsible parenting. My bio son has missed 3 weeks of work and will be out next week too, maybe more. He has a nuerologist appt on the 17th and starts physical therapy on the 26th. My son is a responsible driver & was wearing a seatbelt. He is miserable and doesn't deserve this. I drive 3.5 hrs to spend time with him several times a week so he doesnt have to sit in the dark by himself for 8 hrs while his gf works. Concussion recovery requires brain rest to heal before physical therapy starts....sit in the dark, low noise, no screens from phones to tv, no thinking like games or reading, no strenuous activity. He's soooooo bored & unhappy to be missing out on life & his new job.
My husband, the idiot, had no seat belt rules before he met me. Small children (7 & younger) were allowed in the front seat. He said they "wont wear a seatbelt". The day they got in my car I told them I wouldn't move the car until they were properly seatbelted...none of this behind the back shit and they will sitting up straight as that is how seat belts work best. Guess what they did it. I think they were 9& 7 at the time.
Now they wear their seat belts regularly.
DH would also will put 2 kids in the front seat of his work van and cart them around stating "I have no choice". I really came down hard on him for that telling him if something happens he will be in jail and the kids will be taken away from him. He has to come home from work, switch cars and then go pick up kids. Inconvenient? Yes. So is driving 3.5 hrs and sitting in the dark but we love our kids so we do what we gotta do.
Yesterday he did it again. He didn't have time to go get the car so he didnt. He put the fukin skids in the van to get them home & ready for baseball. Bcuz baseball is that important.
I have told him before he doesnt really love his kids. After the divorce he put his emotional needs on the kids and now the kids are fukd up. They became emotionally co-dependent on each other but now he's pulled away from the kids. He has a wife now. The kids blame me for their dad pulling away.
A responsible loving parent would never endanger their children as he does in the car/van. I hope he gets pulled over one day and the police take the kids away. Just for a couple days to give me a break lol. I wouldnt wish accident or injury on anyone, even the skids as I dont hate them but hate my husband's parenting.
Honestly these kids should be taken away from my H and BM but the system isnt big enough to take every kid who is abused/negelcted/endangered etc. When i was a teacher, I was a mandated reporter, I would have been obligated to report something like this.
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I don't mean to be harsh,
I don't mean to be harsh, just wondering - do you have a plan to get out of this marriage? Once a person has become contemptuous of their spouse, it's really hard to come back from that. AND, you seem really unhappy. Life is too short for that. Go move closer to your son and enjoy freedom from this stuff.
Agree
As long as no "ours" kids, OP should prioritize exit plan. Improving career, seperating assets, etc.
Im saving money. For sure
Im saving money. For sure this marraige is doomed
I'm sorry, but are you
I'm sorry, but are you serious? These aren't young children anymore. We rode in the front seat of my dad's truck all the time. Ideal? No. But it is not something for which he should have his kids taken from him.
I think it is a bit ridiculous that you sit with your 24 year old "kid" for 8 hours so he isn't bored.
I wanted to say something
I wanted to say something about how we all rolled around in the back of the car when I was a kid before seat belt laws, but I figured I'd get lambasted. I'm all for safety for kids, but I feel like we have gone overboard nowadays, when a 2-year-old can't ride a tricycle in the driveway without a helmet on, and kids are in booster seats until they are 10.
Im not with my kid so much
Im not with my kid so much because he's bored. He can't drive to his appointments, he's sick, he's injured. I dont think it's outrageous to help out my son. He couldnt be left alone at one point. He's better now but still cant drive.
My point is if DHs irresponsibility causes something like this for the skids. Who will be caring for them?Not me, but it would be expected.
The kids brain is injured
of course you’re going to help. He’s injured, your his mom, you’re gonna help
My XH had a TBI while we were married and it’s really hard for them. A coworker also got one and it took two years before he was cleared to drive and he didn’t need frequent naps because he exhausted so easily. He still needs low light.
It’s a serious injury and causes lots of problems.
P.S. and I am betting you are more upset about the seatbelts right now because of your sons injury and just more sensitive to ways people get hurt.
You are correct ITB. I never
You are correct ITB. I never knew how serious a concussion could be until you see it firsthand.
Help your son all you want!
Help your son all you want! Parenting is not black and white. My point is what you find acceptable/ridiculous will vary from what others (your husband included) will find acceptable/ridiculous.
I've seen that many times!
Very often, parents of COD allow kids to ride up front in the vehicle before they are legally allowed (in our state.) It's one of the many things they do to be the "favored" parent. (I haven't noticed the lack of seatbelt use, however.) My SKs also wanted to sit up front earlier than they were legally allowed, and DH gave in earlier than he should. I just made sure to enforce the rules with my 2 DSs to protect them. And I hope your son's recovery goes well and he's ok. I think if you have the ability to go spend time with him and help him, you should!
The kids need to wear seat belts in individual seats
No discussion.. In every/ any car. That is for their safety. It is really irresponsible of your DH.
Im sorry that this happened to your son.
He didn’t make the kids
He didn’t make the kids buckle up?! That’s like asking for a disaster! Even a sharp turn could send them across the car for possible injury!!!
We had an accident in October (skids and I) idiot veered out of the turn lane and rammed me, thankfully not very fast since they had slowed down for the turn. Killed their already damaged car, but ours wasn’t bad. Honestly we didn’t move much, freaked the kids out, but with any impact, if they hadn’t been wearing their seatbelts I’d HATE to have seen what happened!
We helped at a car accident, pre-first responder arrival (that’s a LONG wait when there’s a disaster, let me tell you!) only one of them was wearing a seatbelt, they got hit and the truck rolled. The one in the seatbelt stayed in the car, a few bumps, but fairly unharmed. The other four were ejected. The dad and the four year old didn’t make it. The sister had severe brain damage and won’t have the same brain function ever again, and the brother probably won’t be able to walk again as his legs were folded up like pretzels and he had severe spine damage. The lack of seatbelts made it an even bigger tragedy than it had to have been.
Good for you for refusing to move until they’re buckled. That’s my same rule in the car. I’d rather take a few extra moments and make sure everyone is safe, than have a disaster later.
Yeah, we have different rules
Yeah, we have different rules and standards than we did 50 years ago. I get frustrated too. Like why is it on parents to find a rear facing car seat that their kid can fit into for 12 years? Why aren't we putting pressure on automakers to make rear-facing seats? If it's that important.
Even so, telling your husband that he doesn't love his kids was way over the line in my opinion. Life is seriously not all that black and white.