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so much regret

Chmmy's picture

Submitted by Chmmy on Fri, 09/04/2020 - 3:59pm

I don't think I love my husband anymore. I've seen him at his most pathetic moments. He just texted SD18 while she is driving to work...just HEY. Why? She's driving from her eyebrow appt to work and you know this so why text  "HEY." I could sit all day and critique his every move. He is a piss poor parent with f'd up kids due to his behavior. He has made his kids so needy that SD18 is pushing her boyfriend away with her needy behavior.  I won't even get in to SD21s behavior and the constant attention she needs from her parents. The 2 boys have issues too. Too many to list between the 4 of them. 

I wasn't initially attracted to my husband but as I got to know him, I thought he was kind and fun. He starting running with me and lost weight, looked good and I started to notice how darn strong he was. Something about him being strong turned a corner for me. Now all I see is weakness. He is so emotionally weak and mentally weak that the physical strength isn't enough to turn me on.

I'm just babbling because I don't know where else to to rant. It is our 4 year anniversary of when our friendship turned to dating. We planned on celebrating since things have not been half bad the last couple weeks. The skids did not go to BMs for the 3 day weekend as planned because they are quarantining. One of SSs teammates tested positive for Covid so quaranting means being in the kitchen all day touching things, sharing drinks and food and being in literally every room of the house. They couldn't go to BMs but they can stay here and NOT quarantine.

It's crazy but the only reason that he and I hooked up that Labor Day weekend is the other guy I was seeing went fishing with friends that weekend so I hung out with DH. Fuck I wish he didn't go fishing that weekend.

Comments

Stepdrama2020's picture

Submitted by Stepdrama2020 on Fri, 09/04/2020 - 4:28pm

Very sad that you are feeling this. I too have much regrets. I know all too well the feeling of going back in time and wishing I had  turned a different corner. My husband does the same with his daughter who is 22 years old. He will text  "Hey sweetie"  late in the evening. He is just as needy for attention as her. It is like they feed eachother and are never full. 

I  sure hope you make it through this rough patch. Maybe write a list of the good and bad, and see which one wins. We cannot go back in time, but we can go forward. However by stating you do not love your husband anymore must be very hard for you. You have decisions to make for sure.

Choose happiness, and choose wisely.  I need to take my own advice . Know that you are not alone.

Chmmy's picture

Submitted by Chmmy on Fri, 09/04/2020 - 4:33pm

I like that...we can not go back in time, but we can go forward. 

He sent the random HEY because he is lonely and my door is closed and locked for the night, but waht bothered me more was that SHE WAS DRIVING. Leave her alone to drive. He is sitting in the basement with the little skids now and I'm quarantined to my room, not to protect from Covid as much as the negative feelings.

tog redux's picture

Submitted by tog redux on Fri, 09/04/2020 - 6:59pm

See, this is sad to me. He's lonely and he wants his 18-year-old daughter to meet that need for him.  Sheesh, he can't spend an evening watching TV or whatever, without feeling lonely?

Chmmy's picture

Submitted by Chmmy on Fri, 09/04/2020 - 9:16pm

yes, when he was newly divorced he used the kids to fill his needs and then I came along and he pushed the kids away a little and they resent me for it

Exjuliemccoy's picture

Submitted by Exjuliemccoy on Fri, 09/04/2020 - 4:35pm

When respect is gone, distain and disgust takes its place.

We females are wired to be attracted to strength. Continuation of the species and all that. So don't blame yourself.

Remember this feeling. Don't get sucked in again, and keep working on that exit strategy. ((hugs))

Peach's picture

Submitted by Peach on Fri, 09/04/2020 - 6:53pm

I don't know what it is .... I really wish I could understand.  My husband will do the same thing, and I don't understand it.  His daughter treats him like crap and steps to the right like her mother's foot soldier.  He gets taken advantage of and just crumbs of a relationship.  He tells me he just wants to keep the lines of communication open so that maybe one of these days it won't be this way.  In the meantime, we are just a financial resource for her.