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Baby-Step improvements

CLove's picture

Submitted by CLove on Mon, 02/13/2017 - 1:07pm

Funny Story:

Friday night was skid night, but little one had a sleepover, and big one was watching grandma. I approached SO with my idea - if SD17 wants to live with us full-time, we will "task her" starting now, so she gets a taste of what life is like in our household. I told him "think about it, its just an idea". LOL.

Then sunday before watching Grammys, we were doing yardwork, pulling weeds, etc. SD17 comes home from Grandmas, and knowing its her day with BM, wants to hang with us and do laundry. "sure, you can stay here and help Clove with weed pulling while you wait for your laundry to be done." She replies "oh that's ok, I don't need to do laundry then". She takes a shower, makes herself some food. Eats. I wait, and finally just tell SO - "honey, Princess Snowflake needs to help me pull weeds, I don't want the grass to get much bigger, the rains have made the ground soft, and Im not doing it myself". SO tasks SD17 with helping me. She does. LOL. And doesn't stay to do laundry.

I think that tasking her, not as a punishment, but as a teaching tool, will hopefully teach some life lessons. Either way, It will help me and if I have to live with entitled Princess Snowflake, this will make me feel a bit better about things. I have resigned myself to the knowledge that she more than likely will not launch fully until the age of 21. 3 Loooong years ahead, if I can manage to stick it out.

Comments

ESMOD's picture

Submitted by ESMOD on Mon, 02/13/2017 - 3:53pm

Yeah.. tbh, messy rooms are not a hill I die on unless there is a lot of food and drink laying around to draw bugs & vermin.

You can close a door. If she wants to live in a pig sty that is her prerogative. If she can't find clean clothes as a result... point one for lesson learned honey. There are consequences to not keeping your possessions in order.

It's funny, I think sometimes the qualities that draw us to the men are also the qualities that drive us nuts in relationship to the EX or their kids. Chill, non-confrontational guy.. nice to date.. but not always the best trait for a father or ex right?

ESMOD's picture

Submitted by ESMOD on Mon, 02/13/2017 - 4:48pm

I am not talking about bio-hazard level filth that is bringing mold into the home or food with insects etc...

I'm talking about garden variety teen girl shrapnel. Makeup laying out on every exposed surface... piles of clothes.. unmade bed. Just messy, not fleabag motel level. lol.

CLove's picture

Submitted by CLove on Tue, 02/14/2017 - 11:40am

We found missing bowls that she insisted she did not have, in her room with food still in it, molding. Feminine pads everywhere - two large trashbags full of her crud. And the stench is really really bad. I don't think it is "garden variety", but if it is, it still should be taken care of somehow. Id rather the door be on so I don't have to hear/see/smell.

CLove's picture

Submitted by CLove on Tue, 02/14/2017 - 11:42am

Yes - my SO is kind, always wanting to help people, and likes fixing things. He is always pretty cheerful, which I love. And then when I am frustrated, that makes him laugh too. He is a very simple man, who thinks that I "think about things too much". Which is why I enjoy blogging - it helps get the ugly out in the clear light of daytime, so it can be seen and discarded, instead of festering inside like poison.

CLove's picture

Submitted by CLove on Tue, 02/14/2017 - 11:38am

My glee was that I had some help, for once and she had a pleasant attitude, for once and we had pleasant conversation, for once. It was very truce-like.

Uncomfortable reading. Yes, I lay out my painful emotions, as raw as they are, all on the table. I have invested too much time in this situation, and am ready to move on, take care of important things, occupy the brain on more positive things. But I consider it cathartic, in a way, all the ugly exposed. My SO- he thinks I overthinking things, and nothing should bother me. Well, isn't that what disengagement is all about. Baby-steps.

Wicked - I don't speak to her, unless its "hello, goodbye, have a great day". There is no way that I can be seen as bullying. Not when this girl gets in my face and directly attacks me verbally, over and over, while I sit there, shaking my head. I didn't say a word about her shoplifting charges, never lectured once.

We have her with us through CO 50/50, and when she is with us, she is shrill and demanding, and high-drama. She is rude and disrespectful to her father and younger sister. Yes, I feel very anxious when she is around, because she lies and twists words, so I do not really say/do anything unless her father is around. She plays people against each other. Either for the drama kick or because she is cruel and enjoys hurting people. For example, her BM's boyfriend mentioned how much shes been talking about me, like I am the BEST thing ever. This was after a fight whereby she told me she hated me, I am disgusting and I am going to hell. I see it as merely a crude manipulation.

In answer to your question - yes she makes me miserable. utterly. She isn't directing it at me. Most of the time it is to bully her father and younger sister and mother as well as mothers BF. I definitely am not having the same affect, in making her unhappy, because she is constantly begging, whining, and demanding to live with US full time, insisting she hates it at her mother's house - because of the boyfriend. I am not looking forward to it at all. My hope is that we can move one town over, and leave her to her mother.

I agree - door off a bad idea. He wants to keep it off one more week. I had suggested putting it back on for reward of good behavior. He decided not yet.