Passing it along
Grading Period: Q3 Progress Report
School: X High School
Course GradeScore Missing Assignments
K Econ(1) A
J AP Studio Art(2) A
M Orchestra(5) C
A Expos Rd/Wrt 12(6) F
S Photo 1(8) C
This is me letting it go. I passed it to husband who is busy at work. Said "k". Informed him he is getting a letter, because every day absent since Jan 31.
Posting here. Thats it. No getting mad, just kicking into planning mode.
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Question: looking at these
Question: looking at these grades... how did she ever pass the more challenging courses in high school? Cs in photo and orchestra? How did she ever manage to pass her core subjects?
She isn't a stupid kid.. she
She isn't a stupid kid.. she is missing assignments.. I think the numbers in parenthesis are missing things she didn't turn in. It sounds like absences may also be playing into it.. orchestra would probably have a large part of the grade that depends on attending.
Not Stupid
Lazy, as Ive mentioned. Too many absences, and not working with teachers to make anything up. But plenty of time for friends. Back in the day I recall telling her how important doing well in school is, because the opportunities are so much better and numerous, and how the opportunities for a good life just slip away, and you probably remember what she did. She yelled at me. Yup. Lost her temper and yelled at me.
Im beyond caring for her interests. Just tired of having to protect myelf and stress over the potential for conflict.
Shes not passing English writing
She did well in some but not others.
I just think shes getting more and more involved in having fun with friends, and less involved with school stuff, and parents dont GAF.
Isnt this age about testing boundaries.
Of course the worried side of me hypothesizes that she has true mental health issues.
If I am not mistaken, there
If I am not mistaken, there was a time when parents did not even consider mental health issues regarding their kids. Parents set boundaries and demanded performance within those boundaries.
Now it seems that there is the honed desire and even goal of getting a kid slapped with some label that exonerates the parent from howning the results of parenting and victimizes the kid as a... victim... rather than just a kid making bad decisions.
The parental foot up underperforming kid ass used to be the solution.
IMHO, far more often than not the syndrome of the moment is nothing but bullshit. Even when "diagnosed", the solution that works... is the parental foot up kid ass when the kid choose not to deliver.
As a side note
These are wonderful grades compared to what Chef's ferals used to get! The never got any grsdes above a "D" in anything. If course they would routinely miss 3 school days out of 5.
But yes, still too involved.
Not stupid
Theres always hope for smart kid, but Im no longer wanting to support that smart kid.
Clove is deep into the toxic
Clove is deep into the toxic world and this is an example of preparing for the other shoe to drop. I can't say I haven't been there. Especially since her skids are at high level of not functioning, I can see why she want to know.
As it goes, I doubt she will ever find peaceful living staying in this relationship.
The problem is that it won't
The problem is that it won't make any difference in the outcome. She points it out to him ... "k". he won't do anything about it.
The kid doesn't graduate.. doesn't launch.. again.. the kid will be allowed to be at her home.. she won't have a veto vote .. if she decides to live with dad.. again.. Clove won't have a veto vote.
So.. looking and knowing is really only serving to amp up her anxiety over the above being likely outcomes.. that she can't have any impact on. If she tries to wade in and help PS with getting her school on track.. she will be accused of being borderline abusive..
At this point.. either the kid will or will not pull it out in the end for her own good.. no one can do it for her.. and her parents don't care enough
Ah but i will have a vote
And the answer will be a resounding nope. All I can really hope for is that it wont involve too much conflict. And I will emphasize that the last 10 years I have had no input in the things pertaining to Skids and visitation and no expectations for her as far as helping out and chores. Either of them really. Its 4 months, and by then I will have a plan for the room, and before then we will have conversations about moving her cr!p to her mothers apartment in beach town. Im already practicing what Im going to say in my head. And Im preparing myself for the conflict that may or may not happen.
Sidenote question - why do you continue to believe/think that she will decide to live with us full time? Seriously, unless some really crazy twist happens, there is NO WAY shes going to want to visit or stay with us in dusty ag town.
I personally don't think she
I personally don't think she will want to live with you full time. I don't think she will want to visit very often either. That being said, I always think in any situation there is a possibility of a big blow-up between kids who are just beginning to learn the hard realities of being an adult and their parents. Is PS going to college? Is she working? And if not, how will TT feel about providing for PS when she becomes an adult?
in my case, once the Skunk Ape realized the CS was going to stop and LI didn't have a job to help out, she wanted nothing to do with housing and feeding her.
Current situation with Powersulk
1. No job.
2. No permit.
3. Plans for community college, at least making conversations about it.
4. No ideas as to what Toxic Troll will/will not do. She's made it known that if PS gets a job, the household income will increase such that she cannot continue to have the low income housing (at least thats what PS mentioned to me in passing).
I hypothesize that with all the absences, and the reports of many Dr visits, Toxic Troll is attempting to build a case for some kind of disability which might make it possible to keep low income housing. And possibly continue the child support payments, as well as the food stamps, etc. So she may not really WANT to let go of Powersulk SD right away.
Powersulk is complaining of headaches and possible migrains. With Toxxic Troll and her ways of playing the long game with illness and benefits, Im thinking this is where things are going, thereby making a non-working "child" an asset vs liability.
SD is on FF/TT path. She wasn
SD is on FF/TT path. She wasn't parented, school wasn't made a priority or anything for that matter. Just another generation of system abuser in the making.
Oh I see! The Skunk Ape
Oh I see! The Skunk Ape probably would have tried that with LI had she thought of it. Why bother working if everyone else will pay for you to sit home? Money coming in from all sides (CS and the government) would have made her very happy. Interesting to see how this is going to play out. Does the government pay disability if you're going to college?
It depends...
https://www.ssa.gov/schoolofficials/faqs_students.htm?tl=0%2C2%2C3%2C6%2C8
She is going to want to live with you when she and Toxic Troll
She is going to to want to live with you when she and Toxic Troll have the fallouts that we all know are going to happen. She is heading down the same path as FF. At points in the future, she will need a place to stay, and your DH will either insist she come stay with you, or he will bail her out with money.
he can insist
I can refuse.
I think she'll bounce back
I think she'll bounce back and forth. Mom will piss her off or expect something from her but Dad will let her bounce back in so he can play hero. Then a couple miserable months later, Dad will get tired of the leech and she'll bounce on back to mom so mom can save her from the big bad world until the next time she bounces.
Lather, rise, repeat.
Lots of cleansing
Lather rinse repeat lol.
He has proven he loves swooping in there to rescue Powersulk, and when feral forger "needs something" her too. I am thinking of talking more about his co dependency issues and calling more attention to it than I have in the past. He has mentioned this as a problem and issue.
Given the toxic situation
Given the toxic situation with her mom and sister.. as you have relayed.. she complains to you about them.. I'm guessing that she will figure it is always an option..
I don't think that's her first option... but I can see her hopping from place to place..
Yes, BUT
As many have pointed out to me over the years, Powrsulk is a manipulative munchkin (new name?) and its to be considered that she was only bringing up how much she doesnt like her sister for reasons such as sympathy and diversion. "Look! Shes so bad let me tell you ALL about it, just dont look at my grades..."
Why are we discussing this
We disengaged. We don't care. DH has to deal with it, if he wants
No discussion
Last night after work, I didnt mention it. Skid did not show for her week with us. Didnt ask why, or what happened. Just kept it at the important stuff about our days and all that entails.
For the here and now, do discussion is needed because I do not control that.
Your husband said "k" because
Your husband said "k" because he doesn't care about his kid and nothing you do can ever make him. He cares about fishing and having fun.
I said "k"
I sent him grade reort and truancy letter notifications, he responded with "Im busy", and I dropped it all.
She did not come to our house for visitation, I did not ask what is up. There was no conversations had after work, when he got home either.
If you want to look at grades
If you want to look at grades, or what ever ..ok LOOK at them.
I would not disclose to dh that you have any knowledge though.
What you can do, is discuss your red line for skid when they reach adult hood. Such as NOPE skid is not moving in when bm's child support ends.
In my opinion, once kids reach age of majority---the tip toeing around and remaining mostly silent on issues is 100 percent, completely, over with.
In the mean time peek all you want, just do not tell dh what you saw.
JMO--start thinking of your red lines.
EXACTLY my message
Precisely my message. Its finally getting through (to me). Im prepared to give notice no more "tip toeing through the eggshell dancing" for me. Im not going to "couch" my words. Dont like what I have to say, too bad. Im not going to stress over threats and accustions. My silence will end, I will weigh in on things when appropriate.
In planning modality for when we discuss clearing out her stuff.
Nope, the end of CS does not
Nope, the end of CS does not suddenly mean that the kid is now the NCPs responsibility. If the kid needs a bed, they can continue to sleep at the CPs house.
If the CP will not allow it.... job and rent a room time for the Skid. Or enlist in the Military, or......
If the kid is reasonable and well behaved, then the NCP may be an option, if, the NCP and the NCPs SO are agreeable.
There should be no expectation that any kid remains under a parental roof upon reaching the age of majority or HS graduation, whichever is the later.