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Post Script - Waiting on Mother in law

CLove's picture

Well, last night was pretty heavy. Thanks STalkers for hanging in there with me. Its an emotionally loaded time for my family. More on that...

Dh and I had it out, and picked at the scabbed wound called Feral Forger. He knows how I feel, and I know how he feels. I told him, "hey, my feelings are MY feelings, and its ok for me to have them."

He told me "well, I want to be able to someday, if MY DAUGHTER is out there and needs something from me, to give her some help. She is JUST like I was at her age, exactly. People helped me through it, so I want to be there for her, when she needs me".

I said "well, ok, fine, but why do you grill me, when I ask to borrow 50-100, and then dont ask her when she calls for money? Even her cousin asks her what is it for?" Seriously. I ask for him to loan me 20$ and I am grilled. So that was brought up. Another argument.I couldnt just leave things alone, I had to keep picking.

Thank you all for your feedback and support. He has been a total a$$, but Im in it for at least a few more years. Ive worked too hard to let the house be sold now. I know its possble to start fresh from here, but I guess that I am not ready to give up on DH. As many downs, there have been ups as well, much progress, for all the back pedaling.

We made up, sort of. He doesnt want a divorce, he just wants me to soften up towards Feral Forger. He tells me I am unforgiving (true, why forgive someone who isnt sorry in any way shape or form. You let those ones go...). Ill just reiterate that I cannot be expected to "love his child like my own" or whatever, all I can be expected to do is support him in his love for her.

Feral Forger and Toxic Troll went to visit MIL. As they should, I suppose. As is their RIGHT, Im told.

So, now we are in a holding pattern, waiting for the news to fall like a ton of bricks on our head.

On top of all this, my family is quietly celebrating my late brothers birthday today.

 

 

Comments

Siemprematahari's picture

CLove~ much strength to you and the family with all that's going on with MIL.

Just know you're in it for at least a few more years because you choose to. I hope your H comes around soon and that you don't waste more years of your life "not giving up" on H. Hopefully you both can come to some middle ground when it comes to the step kids and that it was all worth it.

 

tog redux's picture

He forged checks when he was her age? He lied and used and manipulated people? I think he's minimizing her behaviors. And of course he can help his daughter if she needs help - that doesn't mean YOU have to like her and live with her. 

CLove's picture

Cocaine and crack. When 20 - he was arrested for stealing and dealing.

After some jail time he went back at it. his sister took him in, and continually partied.

When 25, he met Toxic Troll, and she was a cokehead as well.

They "got clean together".

tog redux's picture

Interesting - and surprising that he can't look back and see what a toxic jerk he was then (like all addicts), and understand why you react the way you do to FF. 

advice.only2's picture

So because he was a failure, he is okay with his kid being a failure as well, rather than expect more from her because he doesn't want her to follow down his same path?!?! Mmmmkkay!

Livingoutloud's picture

Sadly, many of us advised you to not buy a house with DH. It was your parents’ house and if it remained that way you could kick him out. Now you stuck and have to explain yourself borrowing 20 bucks from your own husband. He is despicable and it’s after your parents carried him for years. Didn’t they buy your wedding rings? Now he acts like you have to explain yourself. He doesn’t seem to have a need to explain himself. Why oh why all these kind and smart and overall great women keep getting together with abusive jerks??? Why oh why.