i'm terrified
my 17 yo ss JUST completed a diversion program for posting threatening remarks on facebook (terroristic threats). now, he was picked up friday, taken to jail and has has been in juvie all weekend for assaulting another 17 yo boy (don't know if he's going to be charged with assault or aggravated assault). the boy he assaulted apparently recorded the whole thing and once the judge seen it decided to keep him all weekend. we heard the boy has a fractured eye socket, broken collar bone and cracked ribs. i don't know anything else, he's to be released to night. my dh had a job lined up for him where he works weekends and the boy was supposed to have started yesterday. dh was so embarrassed telling his boss what happened, but the boss is going to go ahead and hire ss (they really like my dh). my dh has shared parenting of ss, but ss very rarely comes for visitation (when there's something in it for him). i fee TERRIBLE for this other kid, but i am also worried to death that they are going to come after my dh for medical/damages. i told dh this was going to happen one day (the boy has never acted aggressive in our house, but has caused destruction at his mom's. he knows better than to act that way here. i don't know what i'm asking, but was wondering if anyone is familiar with the juvenile system?
- Cocoa's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
How close to 18 is he?
How close to 18 is he? Because they can choose to try him as an adult particularly if this was a vicious assault.
My SS was locked up in juvie for such offenses for 3 1/2 years (until 18). He still gets in trouble now at 27. My SS knows better too but has alcohol issues and loses control. I did not know my SS unti he was 20.
Good luck. He can be assigned an attorney by the courts. If you hire one it can be outrageously expensive. A woman I know just ponied up over a hundred thousand dollars for attorney fees for her son - and it is not murder or violence.
he's about 10 months from
he's about 10 months from being 18. no, we won't be paying for an attorney (bm called dh a lousy father cause he didn't rush right out and get one!). as far as i know, he's been assigned an attorney. does your dh bail out your ss? have your drawn boundaries? how involved is your dh?
We have not bailed out SS
We have not bailed out SS since DH has been with me. He developed problems very early so has been sent to boot camp, rehabs, etc for years.
I know that i am fortunate in that everything that could be done was tried for years before I came on board. SS is now pushing 30 so his decisions are HIS decisions.
His last jail stay was for 10 days because he couldn't pay a $350 fine for assault. We got a zillion phone calls begging for us to pay it. But we did not.
DH sees him when we are in town and talks to him multiple times a week.
The boundaries are - zero money to SS. He's on his own. He's been set up in apartments so many times. He's a grown man who threw away a zillion opportunities. We have even let him be homeless. If his own mother won't take him in why should I?
It varies by state. I
It varies by state. I worked in the juvenile system for a couple of years. As oldone said, they can decide to try him as an adult. If they do that, it is a different process, where he will most likely face much harsher consequences. The prosecutor/whoever is responsible will decide whether they want to try your SS as an adult.
He can get a public defender. In my state, there is a fee for that, but it is much cheaper than hiring your own attorney.
The family of the victim can certainly sue for medical bills and pain and suffering. Again, it will depend on your state and the circumstances as to the actual charges that are placed. If they try your SS as a juvenile, then I think your DH will be on the hook for medical bills and whatever else. I am not sure. The victim seems to have been badly injured, so I would not be surprised if this is moved to adult court. But it is really not cut and dry.
My husband's younger son is 19. He was just arrested for shoplifting. He was sentenced to community service, and had to pay fines to the store and the state. We don't know much, because he does not know we know. If he had called DH for help, DH would not have helped him. They need to learn consequences. Plus, my DH's kids are rotten.
Your DH will be doing your SS a favor by NOT paying for an attorney. If your DH gets stuck with bills, then he better make your SS pay him back. I don't know how your SS is reacting to this-is he showing remorse, true remorse? I know it may be hard to tell.
My brother is a drug addict. He has been this way for 15 years. At age 35, I do not see him getting better. My dad spent years trying to pay for rehabs, fines, etc. which was hard on him, as he worked in a factory his whole life. He finally stopped last year when he woke up and realized that my brother does not want help. He feels really guilty. The only thing he did wrong was enable my brother for way too long. Your DH may have that guilt if your SS goes to jail. I hope that things go as well as they can. Maybe this will be a turning point for your SS. He needs therapy for anger management-that may be part of his sentence.
Take care. I feel for you, I really do. My DH's kids are all adults, but I expect them to be causing issues forever. The arrest of the one son was NOT a surprise.
thank you for your replies.
thank you for your replies. i don't know what is going to happen, dh is going to see ss tonight when he gets out of juvi. i do know one thing...if dh hands one penny over to ss, it'll prob be the end of us. if he gets sued, it's on HIM. i've warned him that his son is a lose cannon and dh has kept his head in the sand. bm is worthless, only wants the boys out of her hair. can't even have an intelligent conversation with her. she fights the police, etc... i doubt she's a bit worried that the victim's parents will come after her, she doesn't have anything. i am soooo thankful we've kept our finances relatively separate and the only thing we own joint is a car and our bill pay account. the house is in my name alone (he's even signed over his dower rights). he has just started a 401k plan that's not worth much, but because his ex knows i own a restaurant it wouldn't be above her to push the parents our way. i know they can't touch it (pray anyway), it's just added anxiety and wondering how many years of this i can tolerate (i have an 11 year old ss that i pray isn't heading in the same direction). i will never expect my dh to cut his kids off, but i don't know how much more of this kind of drama my health can tolerate.