The Insanity of It
I'm not feeling well tonight so I'll say that first. I got home, finished DPs dishes to be nice then finished laundry. Then I find that SD9 and her friend cut up a bunch of her tshirts and socks. So I simply got rid of all of it. Then I see that SD12 hasn't moved her stuff that's sitting outside her room. I leave it. Then upstairs I see her lunch bag, sitting AGAIN in front of the fireplace in the living room. If it had been In the kitchen I probably wouldn't have chucked it down the front stairs because it was the last straw.
DP gets home and instead of asking me he asks SD12. She melts down. DP gets all verklempt at me, even though HE did the SAME thing this weekend. So I get the bag, THROW it into the house and say, "There. I am now DONE helping with ANYTHING." I am officially totally disengaged verbally. I will do nothing. If cr@p is left around it's going directly into a trash bag. No discussion.
No cooking no laundry nothing. If DP doesn't allow me to maintain some standard of responsibility or cleanliness or household order then he doesn't get me helping cook or clean or do anything for the SDs.
I will retrieve my bowls from SD12s room and he's going to clean them, contents will be dumped on her floor.
Apparently SD12 has lost her phone. I know she was asking for a new one and how convenient it's gone. DP didn't say ANYTHING to her about it. Just "have you looked everywhere?" Great.
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Comments
Good for you for standing up
Good for you for standing up for yourself.
Stick with it and do not budge. I know easier said than done. I cannot stand a mess at all and it would drive me nuts.
That lunchbox thing irritates
That lunchbox thing irritates me. It's gross having days old foot rotting in a lunchbox. I couldn't stand the general messiness either. Don't give in.
Yes it is LOL! It's all up to
Yes it is LOL!
It's all up to DP, I have no part in her visit decisions. However, the moment ANYTHING of general household is missing or lost, it's over.
Since the last visit, the one this weekend was the first one.
DP made sure to check her bag before she left the house, and found 2 t-shirts of SD9. The rule was to be (and told to SD9 that very morning) that NOTHING left the house w/out adult approval. He caught them. But what does he do? Take the stuff back? NO. He asks ME if it's ok if she takes them. WTF? Put ME in that position? I didn't want to deal with it, so I checked them, they were actually too small for SD9 so I said, "It's ok with me if it's ok with YOU DP."
The cut up stuff was shirts and socks she probably didn't like, but were perfectly good and could have been donated.
I found some newer socks and shirts in that pile too, but now will be going to donation, not back in her room. I will not tell DP because I anticipate an excuse.
She now has only a few shirts and socks to wear. Not my problem.
Oh, I am also putting locks on my laundry room cabinets and getting a locking cabinet for the garage. All my stuff will be safe as of this weekend.
all stabby things are fully
all stabby things are fully in my control.
no, just LEAVE IT. dont do
no, just LEAVE IT. }:) dont do a damn thing for weeks. grab take-out for yourself on your way home and eat before you walk in the door. dont worry about dishes. dont worry about lunchboxes. dont worry about ANYTHING. walk in the house, shrug, and plop yourself down somewhere.
my house looked like a total $#ithole. i even sent a friend pictures! it. was. disgusting. not my mess, not my problem. and when i got home last night, guess what? it's not clean yet, but dh definitely made progress! the bench by the front door is clear, as are the counters, table, and kitchen floor. i'm sure he'll make more progress today, too.
leave it be. u're not the maid, housekeeper, chef, laundress. if they cant figure out how to clean up after themselves, it's not your job to do it for them.
sal, u heartless b!t@# i
sal, u heartless b!t@#
i wish dh got to stay home and just scratch his balls! unfortunately he spends most of the time worshipping at the porcelain throne. so i was appreciative he accomplished what he did!
i generally get ready for work in less than 30 minutes from the time my feet hit the floor to the time i'm out the door. i heard the poor thing spewing his guts at least twice if not three times before i even left.
and now his right hand is starting to seize up and he's not heard back from workman's comp in a month. ugh.
lmao!!! i WAS gonna have a
lmao!!! i WAS gonna have a salami and cheese sandwich for lunch, now that idea is ruined
yeah sir-breaks-and-pukes-a-lot is still having a hell of a time. the dr has a few other experiments she wants to try to fix his guts. and when he saw the workman's comp "second opinion doctor" last month regarding the surgery he'd had on his shoulder, he saw another tear and was highly concerned with what could possibly be *permanent* nerve damage. my guess is the seizing up is related to that. it's weird, his wrist and fingers will contort and then freeze that way for a good few minutes. but Matlock says DO NOT call them, let them make a move first. so we wait... *sigh*
Yeah, I can't deal with the
Yeah, I can't deal with the mess. It's the ONE thing I cannot live with - the living area, bedroom and my kitchen must be neat (not always sparkling clean) but people's cr@p cannot be randomly left around. This has been made clear for 2 YEARS now. So I WILL trash bag it. I will clean it up for MY peace of mind.
I want my pretty serving bowls to use; SD12 doesn't get to keep them in her room. In fact, I'm going to move them to the pantry each and every time SDs come over. SD12 never looks in my storage boxes; she's have to 1) think about it 2) move a stool to reach them from the other smaller pantry...and we know how that worked out with the broken drawers and 3) have the energy and will to get away from her electronics.
And I was reading Stepmonster
And I was reading Stepmonster last night and I'm in the chapter that reviews "men with kids." She's writing about dad fear (which I already know is DP's mode of operation) and then there was a description about step-parents huge issue with "responsibility but not authority." BINGO. Exactly!!!!! That is my situation. DP wants me to help "like a mom" and be there for them, but there's no accountability on ANYONE but me.
So I'm supposed to be nice and smile and help with dinner and laundry and lunches and teach them little things now and then, when THEY want to, but lord forbid if any responsibility is transferred to the SDs, like, "I asked you to move your lunch bag yesterday, please do it right now." I have no authority to do so. I cannot be responsible with no authority. Period.
This morning, I did not help prep SD9s lunch, I did not help prep her breakfast, I did not make sure she was out of bed on time...DP asked me, "Is SD9 up yet?" Me, "I have no idea, gotta run, see you later!"