Real D day 1
Disengagement full on day 1:
I posted this on another blog but here's it...totally disengaged. Yesterday was the first day of complete disengagement from everything.
* I didn't say one word to SD12.
* SD9 very nicely asked if I could help her with a homework question (DP was actually helping her with her homework but couldn't figure this one out). So I helped her work it out, then sent her back to DP.
* I accidentally engaged with SD9 when she was eating dinner, asked if she wanted another serving of something and she nodded enthusiastically (I was standing there prepping my dinner). I put it on her plate and DP immediately says, "OH, you NEED that warmed up before you eat it." He takes the plate and sticks it in the microwave. Totally usurping my decision. I say, "Well, that's it, I'm done." SD9 was looking at me with HUGE eyes (I could tell she was like, whatever dad...). I walked away with my dinner, watched a show and went to bed with no drama.
Dang it, have to remember to keep mouth shut even if it's something small, see?
* Did overhear DP and SD12 planning on movie outing on Saturday afternoon. I tapped DP on shoulder and said, "Remember we are having people over for dinner." DP, "Oh, yeah, that's right. Well, that's not until the evening, right?" So now I have to talk with him and tell him: so I get to clean the house, go to the store, cook dinner all by myself? And I think they will have a hard time getting back before dinner time...the guests may arrive first. So I think I might cancel the dinner after our conversation tonight.
UPDATE: I decided to cancel the dinner after all. I am not doing it all on my own AND I'm in the middle of painting the living room. I'll drive SD9 over to her friends house in the afternoon for a sleepover and have the house to myself and dinner for myself (sleepover is my idea BTW...no skids in house then on Saturday!).
* I'm "working late" tonight so will not be home alone with SD12.
I highly suggest disengaging. I've been partially disengaged for a while, but total disengagement is different. I discussed it with DP, without using the word "disengagement" but with language from the book Stepmonster and he took it well, plus I think he knew I was at my wits end.
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Comments
Congratulations!!!!! I bet
Congratulations!!!!! I bet that feels good!
Feels great!! Disengaged
Feels great!! Disengaged about a year ago and it eased a lot of tension on my part.
Day 2: Not much exiting.
Day 2:
Not much exiting. Which is the point!
I took myself out to dinner, my favorite pizza spot (veggie restaurant with amazing veggie pizzas) for a pie and a glass of wine (only one...I had more at home
).
Got home, SD12 materializes upstairs. "What's for dinner?" It's after 7:00 pm and she's been home since oh, around 3:30.
Me, "I don't know, I had a snack already, you have plenty to choose from."
SD12, "Oh."
She makes herself some Cup o'Noodles (as usual) and sits there at the kitchen counter while I do some things (leaving all of SDs dirty dishes for DP to clean up BTW). I say nothing. She says nothing. Then I leave kitchen and tell her that her dad will be home any time, she thanks me then retreats to her room.
DP gets home, SD9 tells me about her karate class lesson. "That's great!"
She gets ready for bed on her own, has ice cream and sits next to me on couch, watching the cooking show with me. Asks a few questions about herbs/spices.
It ends, I say, "I'm going to bed, good night everyone."
DP comes to bed, tells me he was late AGAIN leaving the house because he wasn't organized enough (since he's now making SD9's lunches and breakfasts). Ok, not much I can say...then he tells me SD9 couldn't find her karate pants but he found them in the laundry basket. I let him know they've been there for over a week and I haven't washed whites...what did she use last week, she should have another pair? He said he'll ask her. I told him I will wash what is in the laundry basket currently (some of SD9s stuff is in there from before I told DP I am no longer a laundress) but that's it. He got it.
Told him dinner with friends was called off because I'm not going to do it all on my own. He was a little mad about it, but I just repeated myself and let him know I re-scheduled it for another weekend. Foot down, No is No.
So no drama, no stress, it continues...