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DH wants to spend all weekend with me alone and I am not sure if this is a good idea...

daisy0202's picture

Submitted by daisy0202 on Tue, 06/26/2012 - 7:51am

So this morning DH calls me like every morning at 6:30....

He tells me he wants a whole weekend alone with me. He wants to come by Friday night after work and stay till sunday. Of course my response is you have SD. He says she will stay here at MIL's, or sleep at friends (which she never does but he is hoping for a miracle to happen) or go to his sisters. So I say i would love nothing more than that but if there is going to be constant texting, calls all night and all day long then i am sorry i would rather not get pissed this weekend. He says oh no after the camping bullshit and i had a talk with SD I need to be with you. We need time together, I am not loosing you because of SD's issues, so what do you say...Romantic weekend at home? I told him I would have to think about it and get back to him, he was fine with that.

Now BS14 is with his dad this weekend. BS21 and girlfriend are never around they go out with friends on friday, sat they are working till 11pm then they go to friends and there usually not home till about 2-3am....So we would have the house to ourselves but again my concern...texting, calls, drama, all weekend without daddy she might loose her mind. He did tell me he would shut off his phone all weekend but i do have a house phone and she knows it....Not sure if i want to chance it...Ideas?

Comments

sweetbabycake's picture

Submitted by sweetbabycake on Tue, 06/26/2012 - 8:00am

I would say go for it. You have to start somewhere with him. See if he really follows through with turning phone off. I would honestly unplug your house phone so she can't call. Try to enjoy your DH.... Blum 3

Gabriels Mom's picture

Submitted by Gabriels Mom on Tue, 06/26/2012 - 8:08am

I say at least try it. Tell him you reserve the right to send him home prior to sunday if the craziness starts.

stepmisery's picture

Submitted by stepmisery on Tue, 06/26/2012 - 8:10am

Does he ever stop breathing down your neck with his needs?

Too bad you didn't already make plans. Honestly, let him stew in his own juices this weekend.

stormabruin's picture

Submitted by stormabruin on Tue, 06/26/2012 - 8:23am

I agree with this 100%. ^^^

He keeps pushing for what HE WANTS & is not focusing on what your marriage NEEDS. He HAS to get things straight with his daughter. You said it was clear, after the camping trip, that she has not changed.

She is the product of years of bad parenting. It will take a long time to repair what he's done, but if he wants things to be good in your marriage he HAS to be willing to put his efforts in on her.

He has been the driving force behind making the current situation what it is. Now it's time for him to own the results.

Stick with the arrangement you agreed on with the counselor. There is a reason it was laid out the way it is. Have your date night as planned, & have him go back to his daughter & his mother as planned, so that he can focus on that situation as he needs to.

stepmisery's picture

Submitted by stepmisery on Tue, 06/26/2012 - 9:42am

Now he's just running from his problem, hoping he can stick his head in the sand at Daisy's house and not face up to the work he needs to do with SD or the unhappy living conditions at his mother's.

Letting him stay the weekend just prolongs DH's avoidance of his real situation. He bides his time at his mother's, plotting and scheming how he can get back into Daisy's house. Not many of these plots and schemes feature getting his kid real help for real change.

Let him sit all weekend at his mother's house. Maybe change the date nights to every other weekend or once a month. The more unhappy DH is with the reality of the change he needs to make, the more likely it is that he will really make the changes. Coddling his feelings just makes him more determined to get what he wants instead of doing what Daisy and the marriage need.

lilsadone's picture

Submitted by lilsadone on Tue, 06/26/2012 - 10:45am

GO FOR IT!!!
I like that he wants to leave sd out of his weekend - which is exactly what she needs - separation from him as well as knowing you are a priority to him NO MATTER what she does. She needs to be ditched by her dad a few times, if you ask me. If it's about you two spending time together without her, then this is a good idea to go for it. The minute she finds a way to invade on your weekend (if she calls your house) - he will have to shut her down.

You see, if the minute she calls, and you make him leave -- she gets what she wants, once again, which is to be the center of his attention and have to run to her the minute she snaps her fingers. So she actually might call hoping that it will piss you off, then you will make him leave and he will come be with her - which is what she wants.

Let him come over, I say.

Hanny's picture

Submitted by Hanny on Tue, 06/26/2012 - 10:58am

I agree, go for it, if drama starts, just tell him to leave immediately. I think this situation 'is working on it'...he showing his daughter that she is not the #1 in his life, and she is the daughter and he is the father who will do what he wants. You pretty much have it in your mind that they will never come back into your house, and your DH will never come back until step daughter moves in with someone else or gets out of HS and can take care of herself. So in the meantime if you want to keep your relationship with your DH together, you both need weekends like this one. If your willing to keep your 'married life' sorta on hold until this kid grows up, then enjoy your time you have with your DH. But again, tell him ahead, if drama begins to unfold, he will be leaving early, and yes, turn your ringer off on your house phone.

karenemoy's picture

Submitted by karenemoy on Tue, 06/26/2012 - 11:45am

if the drama starts and you ask him to leave you are both condoning her behavior. If she starts her craps DH needs to shut it down. You are the adults she is asking like a spoiled brat who clearly is now being taught that you can manipulate people to get what you want.

Why give her the upper hand.

daisy0202's picture

Submitted by daisy0202 on Tue, 06/26/2012 - 1:08pm

I have been thinking about it and talked to my mother this afternoon on lunch and have decided I am going to tell him i would love to spend the weekend with him. But if drama starts or the calls start it will be him who will be tested on how he reacts to this and make the situation better by actually being the dad....Either he will not like my response or he will step up to the plate....I can not turn down a romantic weekend with the man I love...Even if we do have issues....I am going to try and am excited about it!!!

stepmomto3bioto1's picture

Submitted by stepmomto3bioto1 on Tue, 06/26/2012 - 2:03pm

Go for it girl & have a great werkend with DH!!! Make sure he puts SD in her place fast if she starts up. I was kinda thinking to myself as I was reading this. I wonder if perhaps DH & You start doing this more often, & as long as DH stands firm ground with SD, wouldnt that show to SD that he puts you & his marriage as his top priority? In other words, Force SD to "get a life"? He just has to grow some firm balls & show her that he means it!!

Good for you & DH!!! You two can make this work!!!!