'If they haven't wanted to do the dishes....'?

Um, who asked what the kids 'want' to do?

edit: I'm sorry, I really meant to say 'Um, who -cares- what the kids 'want' to do?'

Meh, take your pick. Either sentence works.

Wait. You said... DH said that if they haven't wanted to do the dishes yet they're not going to start. ...

WTF? If they haven't WANTED to? They should have no choice but to clean up after themselves!

LOL sounds like my house....DH hates doing dishes and actually said he didn't like his kids having to do dishes during their EOW visits. He didn't feel that they should have to do chores for the short time they were here.

He regretted saying that to me....I got pissed off and refused to do any dishes from that point on. I kindly reminded him that cleaning house, doing dishes, cleaning up after yourself where ALL LIFE SKILLS. If they didn't learn these things now, how the hell could they function as adults in their own homes. And that I was NOT THE EFFING MAID FOR HIS KIDS.

Our rule is if you dirty a dish, you rinse it off really good and put it in the dishwasher. SS "forgets" this rule about 2-3 times a week.

When ever I notice dirty dishes, I go get DH and he will either load them or make SS do it. I am not a maid. Hell, I don't clean up after my kids or husband, I am sure not going to to it for SS.

And I HAVE to have a clean house. It is not pretty if this is not done.

skids don't have an option at my house ~~ paper plates, paper bowls, plastic knives/spoons/forks and drinks come in a can/juice box or pouch and desert comes in a little debbie wrapper.

zip tie the cabinets and drawers if possible or put all the knives and scissors in the zip tied cabinet ~~ easier to use the paper stuff then go look for something to cut the ties with...

Sounds like my house. They don't do anything. They would rather use paper plates then wash a dish ? What is the issue here ? How hard is that to do ? I just don't get the kids today. :?

It took me 3 years to finally get the paper plates out of the kitchen. The expense, the waste, all for what? Too lazy to put dish in dishwasher. They used 3-4 plates at a time too & put in microwave which causes cancers. I bought new dishes when I moved in & insisted they be utilized. I got alot of resistance! They still ask: Dad where's the paper plates?

I would take a more rude approach to this, however, that is just me. I would take the dishes, divide them among the amount of people that made the mess and go stack them on their beds. Then maybe they would get the hint, though if they ended up back in my sink still dirty I would continue to move them to their beds.

Kids these days are becoming horrible with chores. I can't say that about my skids though. All three of them love to help me clean up (except for their own room figure that one out). My 7yo ss bugs me when they are here to let him vaccum, who am I to begrudge him lol. My 3 and 4yo Sd's help load and unload the dishwasher and ask when do we get to scrub walls again?!? They truely are awesome kids at that age I would have crawled in a whole before I asked to clean something!! One other thing cause I think it is funny, my 4yo SD refuses to let anyone here put away her clothes, she is so nit picky to which drawer they go in and which order it cracks me up!

I'm not trying to be judgmental. I'm really not. But I think it's important that you ask yourself what you goal is before you start locking up the cabinets or going on strike.

Is your goal to teach the kids responsibility? Refusing to do the dishes isn't going to accomplish that. If you want them to do the dishes, then tell them to do the dishes. If they don't, then tell them that no one gets to use the kitchen nor get any food out of the kitchen until it is clean.

Getting paper plates simply encourages them to be lazy. "Excellent! I don't have to do the dishes!"

Going on strike simply lowers you to their level. Adults don't behave like that. I don't see how any women could stand to live in a house with dirty dishes....even for a couple of hours.

I've never gone on strike. And I've never had kids refuse to do something that I ask them to do. Granted, my kids have very few chores. But I do expect them to make their beds in the morning and keep their rooms clean. My boys mow the lawn and take out the trash. My girls help with their younger brother and help me in the kitchen sometimes. Other than that, I consider school their "job". I'm not suggesting my way is "right". However, I do know that allowing the house to fall into disarray to prove a point is childish. And it certainly won't accomplish the goal.

If it was me, I would do the dishes. But there would be a consequence. I would certainly be less likely to hand out money or chauffeur kids around for example.

Me too, Winehead.

As a kid - I had chores and if I didn't do them - there were consequences. No allowance, being grounded and my personal favorite: my mother would add to the chore if I didn't do them on time. Like making my bed in the morning - if I didn't make my bed I would come home from school and have to make my bed and my parent's bed.

I agree with Mom2five - there needs to be consequences for not doing a simple household chore. The problem is Dakota - your DH is not supporting you. You need to get him on your side, set up some daily chores that must be done, assign them to who needs to do them and enforce them.

If DH won't support you - you'll need to make a choice if you can live with the mess, take care of it yourself, hire some help, etc.

1 More Option

I made my DH responsible for his daughter's mess. If she didn't clean it up - it was his responsiblity to take care of. That worked for me - he didn't want to clean it up so he made her do it and I wasn't the bad guy.

Family meeting time!! If you eat-you clean. If you won't clean- you won't eat.

We assigned kitchen days to each kid. They have total kitchen duty for the entire day. If by the end of the day they forget to turn on the dishwasher, wipe counters, stove, sweep, etc ... they have duty the next day also---this is so the next kid doesn't get screwed cleaning yesterday's mess. Another rule: No trading dish nights, or paying others. Dishes will wait until they get home from work, or no going out until they are done. If not done by morning--they get another dish night.

At first there was a lot of fighting and shenanigans--like making a huge mess with pancakes, daytime baking, and lunches just to pizz off another. They went so far to over-set the table when it wasn't their night. I said nothing and let the social experiment work itself out. It did with 4/5 of the kids. When SD continued with this tactic, I stepped in to put a stop to it by turning her day into MY cooking day. Told her to look around... you are on the losing end of this gig--knock it off, or you will have dishes every night.

Today everyone is much more mindful of their kitchen and dish usage. I no longer have to call a kid back to clean up better... the kid who has the dishes the next day does. Whoever doesn't have kitchen duty sets the table--my called out choice. Everyone clears the table of food and dishes. (Oh, and we all now wait for SD who hides out in the bathroom until we finish! ha! That got "fixed" by the other kids that noticed she hid in the bathroom when it came time to clear the table. So at the beginning of dinner they asked her if she had to go to the bathroom before we started... No? Good, then you should be able to hold until we are done with clearing the table, if not we will wait for your help.)

The entire idea was risky in that we did not want skids ganging up on each other (more than they did). As it turned out it is the blood lines that keep each other in check and ensure teamwork. One less thing we have to nag about.

Paper dishes sound like a great idea but if your situation is anything like mine you'll just be picking up paper plates all over. The issue at hand needs to be addressed and that is everyone needs to pitch in and help clean up you are not a maid.

I like mystierys comment ....

Not just boundaries, but respect. It dosent sound like he has a lot of respect for you DM. It sounds like he treats you like the hired help. Well at the very least, I'd make sure he wasn't getting any lovi'n anytime soon...I know that you aren't supposed to 'with hold', but then again he isn't supposed to disrespect you.

But the Skids aren't the ones to blame

It's your DH, Dakota. It's up to the parents to make the kids behave: do chores, clean up after themselves, become a responsible part of the family. Your DH is parenting by guilt - he doesn't want to make them mad or cause problems. Believe me - I have been there and I know how angry and resentful you can become towards the kids - but really this is the parent's responsilbity.

Unless you're willing to continue to put up with this - you need to talk with DH. Running a household and a family is a shared responsibility - your DH needs to step up.

No judgement here - just my opinion and my empathy.

It's never easy.

When SD was living with us I tried lots of things. I ignored the mess hoping that DH or SD would clean it up, I nagged SD constantly, I boycotted SD and DH and I finally confronted DH. Not fun. But I was not going to be the maid in the house. DH finally started cleaning up after SD and later made her responsible (to a point). So glad she has her own apartment now.

If DH refuses to help you in getting the kids on board with chores, then he needs to be the one cleaning up after his dear little piggies. Disengage from it. Let him throw the dishes away, but don't buy more. In fact, don't buy any more food either. Go on strike completely.

Then again, I also like the suggestion that you hire a cleaning service and pay it for it out of DH's account.

You seem to have a great idea of what HE won't tolerate you need to have a serious discussion with him about what YOU won't TOLERATE.

do the dishes and move on.... but be the kitchen/dishes police and go fucking nuts when you see a new dirty dish in the sink... }:)

i say paper plates.... or quit buying any food that isn't self contained (pop tarts/tv dinners) so they have no need for dishes... then you'll have silverware ending up in the garbage, go buy the $ store cheap shit and when they run out too bad too sad.

Save your money and buy a dishwasher and that will solve a lot of problems!