Sorry about all this. I would not live this way. Easy to say when I'm on the outside, sorry. You're up to your neck and see no way out. But there it is, I wouldn't live like this and I urge you to make a plan.

I would probably start with my own kids. Work out a step by step plan to either get them launched so you are only supporting yourself and can afford to leave or get them pooling their money with you so it's possible for you all to leave.

Your wife is unlikely to part from this girl. It's too bad she didn't get the truant officer called on her when she was younger. At 17 I doubt the district cares.

In any case, I would protect the little ones. If sd brings drugs into your home, call the cops. If wife screams at you, tell her she had ample notice to do something about it first. Once they know you will be calling cops, sd will find somewhere else to crash anyway.

:jawdrop: Good God Almighty. I thought mine were terrorists. The family is enabling her. She's got serious problems that no one can fix but her and even if she got serious about changing her life it will take a very, very, long time. Have you thought about going to a support group for family members of users? It might at least help you cope with the situation.

OMG!!! Big hug

Sounds like fail parenting on both sides to me. His grandchildren live with him, if the older one (23) had the 5 year old, then she was a 17yo mom herself--sounds like maybe she ran a bit wild too.

Stop enabling all these people! Every one in this household probably needs therapy, except maybe the 1 year old.
Your two children need to get a job and contribute to the household. Surely with 3 working adults you could afford a separate place for you and your crew to live, away from the other craziness.

And, what is wonderful about this woman you married? I failed to see anything you said that was positive.

Okay don't be offended as you came for advice but mine is this:

The ONLY way you're going to save your marriage is to draw the line and EVERYBODY GOES! Your kids, her kids, grandkids ALL! I know you don't have problems with your kids or grandkids but you can't really ask your wife to kick out her child when two of yours are still living with you. This obviously can't happen right away so you and your wife need to sit down with your whole caravan and set a date. Two months, four at the most and they're out. If they are over the age of 18 then they can go get job to support themselves. You can watch the grandkids as grandparents do but you do not need to house them. It seems harsh but it's all about how much you want your marriage to work. Your wife will be more willing to get rid of the girl if you're being fair about the situation and getting rid of everyone and not just her child.

If you can't do what I've suggested then the only other alternative that I've seen here is to live in seperate homes and date your wife instead. You and your kids/grandkids go live in one place and let her and her kid live in the other. These are your only options other than...ya know...divorce.

Is something wrong with your wife that she makes such foolish choices? Letting kid move in with bf and his kids? Tolerating meth use and sexually acting out? I do not know how things will get better with out you moving to protect your sanity and grandkids. I feel bad for you, but would have questioned this woman's parenting years ago. You may have to think about moving out or throwing out her daughter to get you to stay. It will be her choice ultimately. It is rough and I do feel bad but it took years to get to this point honestly

Ok... I have a bit of a different opinion than most people here.

The mom (your wife) is obviously not the greatest parent, but YOU have a chance to help this girl. At 16 my parents (stepdad and mom) got together and moved us all into one house and I was a mess - partying, drinking every night, coming and going as I please, and he kicked me out. But eventually, he offered me another chance under the exception that I turned my life around. Now years later, I consider him my father. We get along great because he was the only person who CARED enough to not put up with how I acted and demand more of me. He encouraged me and supported me in a way nobody else did.

He's a huge part of why I'm a successful, functional adult now...

I don't know her situation but I know teenage girls need a father role model they can trust. Try being that for her. Reach out, tell her you'd like to start over and be there for her. I know my stepdad HATED me when we first lived together but now he treats me like his own. She might be acting out because she's scared of having another "dad" leave her.

Just another side of things to think about.

That child needs to be checked in to an in-patient rehab center ASAP while she's still a child and you can still force her into it. Don't let your wife give in to her begging to come home. Of course she'll be sorry and promise to stay clean for a week. She's got to go through a program beginning to end and actually make progress toward getting some self worth and stopping all the bullshit.