Need some advice.. any thoughts??!!
So the BF and I have the kids this weekend.. Myself and the scanky BM haven't talked since she found out that BF showed me the texts she was sending him on how she still misses him.. Mind you, her and I were trying to be "friends" for the sake of the kids n making the situation comfortable.. Well sunday she will be coming to our home to pick up the kids, and BF will be working.. Should I use this as an opportuity to confront her? I know how she is, she will not be expecting it, and she will be like a deer in headlights.. She is not confrontational with anyone but BF.. So... What should I do?!?
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I would wait to confront her
I would wait to confront her when the skids are not anyone near either of you.
Oh they wouldn't be around!
Oh they wouldn't be around! And I don't want to have a hs fight or anything lol.. I just want to know why she is doing it.. Little history.. It was her idea for us to be friends lol, which I think she is fake, but she has a bf, and I was practically her therapist for the last 2 months, sit n listen to all her drama n give her advice n bla bla bla.. One day she was all upset cause her bf (who she loves so much) was texing another girl(she went thru his phone) so what pisses me off beside the fact that she is a liar, its like, what would your bf think if u were texting ur exH how much you miss him still?! Ugh..
Personally, I would never
Personally, I would never give BM the satisfaction that anything she did upset me in any way, shape or form. Like a crumb on your shirt, brush it off.
I agree. Her knowing it
I agree. Her knowing it bothers you will only encourage her to keep on pushing it. What do the messages say. I mean, is it something along the lines of "I wish we could work things out & get back together"?
Maybe you could just casually bring something up about it that would indicate you know in a way that would make her feel stupid enough to stop.
I agree with the above
I agree with the above poster. I wouldnt say anything to her. Why let her know that it upset you. Just go about your day and it was show to her that you are confident in your relationship with BF.
Nope, don't do it! I agree
Nope, don't do it! I agree with overmyhead and stormabruin. I have been here. When my DH and I started dating, BM invited him out to dinner to talk about the kids. He told me that the conversation was actually about her wanting to get together again. Even though when separated they tried it again, and after they were divorced they tried it yet again. Three times and each ended with her cheating.
I never let on that I knew she wanted to get back with him when I entered the picture. Even if she knew I knew... I wouldn't never give the satisfaction that it affected me. And it really didn't because DH was upfront about it--like in your situation.
The message is clear to her when she knows you know because your DH didn't withhold.
Leave it alone.
Hmm.lol, you ladies all have
Hmm.lol, you ladies all have such good input!! Ugh.. The odd thing is, the day she sent this message it was simply "I still miss you.." Or at least that's the only one bf showed me lol.. And I do trust him, cause he tells me these things.. If he didn't, and hid them, I would be concerned.. BM and I had been talking via texts nearly everyday, about skids bdays, games n what not.. And the day she sent him that message, I hadn't heard anything from her at all, and no I didn't go out of my way to text her.. I was irriated.. Funny thing, a couple days after at their kids game she asked my bf if I saw his phone.. He asked why? She said well I sent u that message, n ever since haven't heard from her.. Like HELLO! You yourself know its wrong! But whatever.. So a day after that we all got together for his kids bday party.. I acted like everything was fine, even cleaned up the kitchen for her lazy ass! And she still hasn't talked to me.... Suggestions now? LOL
Well, maybe if it doesn't
Well, maybe if it doesn't stop, it needs to be addressed with her BF.
Oh trust me I have sooo
Oh trust me I have sooo wanted to tell her bf.. I think just cause she is so scanky n doesn't care.. Flaunts n raves about how sooo many ppl wanna sleep with her.. EW! Grow up n be an adult, n that's why u lost ur H in the first place! It just irritates me cause she is sooo fake! I have adressed her about other thing on occasion, and she usually doesn't know what to do lol..
Well he didn't even reply to
Well he didn't even reply to her message, but usually he just says they have both moved on.. Its just sad and irritating that she thinks they still have a chance.. He wanted a divorce for like the last 4 years but didn't for his kids.. And maybe its petty for me to get upset, I just hate liars.. And at the same time, it makes me feel good that she misses him when she messed up so bad, and to know he lives with me, and is home with me every night..puts a smile on my face.. But I don't think its fair to her bf, who adores their kids as well, she is dragging him along to try n make her ex jealous, which he is not.. We both wish she would just move on!!! But she is lazy n won't get a job, she just misses my bf money..its sick!
Oh yea, bf shares everything
Oh yea, bf shares everything with me.. He will sit next to me if she texts him so I can see what she writes and his reply.. Several times he doesn't even feel like responding so I do.. She is just soo annoying.. And she will message his phone or mine at like 6 in the mornin to send a pic of the kids, or say one of them is sneezing.. Like hello? We sleep.. Ugh she just has to find the most ridiculous reasons.. The other week she picked the kids up from our house, I was home and she came in, and I had all the kids stuff ready, handed her their coats, and helped to get them in the car.. In the am, she was textin my bf askin where one of the coats were... I sent her a message n said go look in ur car again cause I handed them to you.. And wow, there they were! UGH
I have learned from being
I have learned from being stalked, this kind of behavior continues when you always respond to the stalker. It's incredibly difficult not to react, but it's exactly how they draw you in.
We experienced something similar with Uberskank. What DH decided to do was not to respond to any of her texts or voice-mails unless she was actually asking a question that concerned their kid. Any personal comments, all pics and things like that would be ignored. When answering legitimate kid questions, he kept it brief and to the point.
She's kind of like a kid who walks up to the adults while they're talking and says Mommy, Mommy, Mommy, Mommy, look at me, look at me, look at me. She wants attention, even if it's negative attention. Which is why I'd counsel not to confront her, as it would give her immense satisfaction because she believes she's "getting to you" or "you're threatened by her". No response is the best response.
Sorry ahead for long
Sorry ahead for long responses lol, today is just a day where I'm sitting her at work thinking about how much I hate his BM!!!!! I need to vent!
dguiwh2334, I don't know very
dguiwh2334,
I don't know very much about your situation, however, may I suggest limiting your contact with BM. The poison they leave can contaminate everything in your life. And she will take the most innocent thing you say and use it against you.
Right now, she is thriving on you speaking to her everyday, and just waiting for an opening to turn one of you against the other.
I agree... sometimes you
I agree... sometimes you just need to vent! I think the issues should be brought up with bf. I would tell him to make it clear to her that he does not want it. If he doesn't then I get the sense that he kind of like this catfighting going on. He might see at as flattering his ego that two women are fighting over him.
Snowflake, I can see your
Snowflake, I can see your thoughts on that.. But I clearly see that it bothers him.. 80 precent of the time he doesn't respond to her.. She just does the dumbest shit... He never wants to say anything right now, cause "he doesn't want the argument" its like she pisses him off but he won't do anything, and I'm the idiot in the background telling him what he should say lol.. She used to tell me how he is a "part time dad" and doesn't care about his kids, and if he has a sitter he wouldn't even have the kids on his days!! I was livid!! I showed him and he was pissed, but didn't say anything.. So the next day she was at it again (mind u tryin to be my friend but dog my bf) so I was like, "you know it really pisses me off when u constantly say how BF is a bad parent n u act like he doesn't give 2 shits about his kids!" She was liken "no I didn't mean that..bla bla nla.. So when ppl put her in her place she shuts up.. But I feel like it me most of the time?!
It is a tough call. Somtimes
It is a tough call. Somtimes you just have to accept that NOTHING you do can make a difference.
Somtimes ignoring does the trick, and they get tired of not getting a reaction.
Other times, when they don't get a reaction, they turn up the volume until they do.
Do what you think you need to to make yourself feel better. It's all about you at ST. We think you rock regardless.