Well, it's been 7 weeks since SD25 got kicked out and SGS6 and SGS3 have become our responsibility (see my topic "stepgrandcildren moving in" in the Adult Stepchildren Issues forum for background). I've very unhappy, and I can't see things getting any better. DW is already upset with me for being unsupportive - though I understand her reason for taking in these kids, I don't agree our home should be their primary residence - and for avoiding being around much of the time when the kids are there. She said we are living increasingly separate lives and we're not unified, and even if the situation changes at some point, we are likely doing irreparable damage to our relationship. I can't disagree. We're living under the same roof, but we're as far apart as we've ever been. And as I expected, she has arranged her work schedule so she works whenever the kids are with their father. So we have almost zero alone time together.

I feel like I am in a no-win situation. If I were to move out, I get my peace and my freedom back, but I think I would still be unhappy, maybe even moreso, because I would have major guilt, having abandoned my wife at a very difficult time for her, and abandoned the two innocent victims in all this, the children. I would love to be a grandfather to them, and have them visit, but I can't take it having them living in our house 4 days a week. It is unfortunate that I don't like being around kids, but I just don't. I can take them in small controlled doses, but not like it is now.

If I stay and continue living my own separate life, I'll continue to be unhappy whenever I'm home, especially with the growing distance between DW and me.

If only I could find a way to have a major shift in attitude towards living with and raising children. But I am 53 years old, I don't see a major change like that happening. No matter how hard I try, it always feels like swimming upstream, trying to be someone I'm not.

I can't even blame DW, she is doing what she feels she has to do, and she is determined to give her grandchildren a good home no matter the personal cost. She is aware that part of the cost may be her marriage to me. Yet she has made her decision. She only wants my support, and I have not been helpful with taking care of the kids, and I've been too busy dealing with my own unhappiness to offer her any comfort. It is simply unfortunate that the situation is what it is, and we are not in agreement over it.

There's no good answer for me here. I'm just unhappy and wanted to write where I know people can relate to my situation.