Does PAS = adult entitled brat?
Long story short, met DH when his daughter was 13, she was loud, demanding, overly bossy and highly critical of everything DH does. I spotted PAS quickly, from the judgemental things she said "you spent $10 on a bottle of wine? You should be spending that on me" all came from her mum
ex wife dragged DH through years of court drama to get access to his children, his bill was $20k by the end of it. Her parents paid, he was left with debt. (They broke up due to just not getting on, she "fell pregnant" within weeks of meeting him and after years of trying they were just not getting on)
ever since then despite exw staying in the large family home and him giving her generous maintenance he's never been able to do enough and boy does his daughter remind him of it.
SD (now 20) is now a total arsehole to DH. She's rude, demanding. Years of her mum using every chance she can to undermine DH's parenting "he's just a bully, don't listen to him" have left this young woman totally out of control and with a very high opinion of what the world owes her.
she expects us to fund her uni expenses, wants a "better car" next year (we bought this one), she refuses to ever spend any of the generous allowance we were giving her "that's my house deposit, I'm not moving out until I can buy a 4 bed detached house" yet she cleans us out of booze and food every time she visits and refuses to contribute anything out of her allowance.
she prioritises her very narcissistic Instagram habit over every value in the family. Publishing private details of our home, our life, even our wedding photos which we requested she removed from her public profile but she refused. Every time we've made a request it's ended with her telling my husband she'll never speak to him again. I had to put a stop to her having parties in our home after it turned into a photo shoot and every holiday or day out was hours and hours of her telling us all to take photos of her.
her followers are random dirty old men she's gathered from scraping tools so she's not got a dog in hells chance of having a career as an influencer, she just craves the attention and nothing we hold dear to us is safe now so I disengaged years ago.
now we're at a point where she's been partying in Covid and exploded when DH tried to discuss it with her. Again she's withholding contact.
I can't help but believe that her mum has done a huge job of massively fucking her up, making her believe that the world owes her a champagne lifestyle and we'll forever be the enemy for trying to just be honest people working hard abs living normally.
is there something in this? Does PAS parenting = massively fucked up brat forever?
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Well, yes, PAS screws kids up
Well, yes, PAS screws kids up. But in this case, it sounds like your DH doesn't set limits on her, so she feels she can walk all over him. That adds to the feeling of entitlement. You guys gave her an allowance, still allowed her to treat you like dirt, invited her over again after she cleaned out all of your booze the first time, etc., etc - that's part of why she feels entitled. She's never been told NO by either parent from the sounds of it.
My SS21 was alienated for over 3 years, but DH never kowtowed to him or gave him anything above what he was court-ordered to pay. He never stopped being a parent and didn't chase him or try to buy his love. SS is totally a Failure To Launch poster child, but at BM's - because she continues to pay for everything and give him money. But he doesn't ask us for a thing, and he's never rude to either of us.
Yep I'll agree that over the
Yep I'll agree that over the course of "trying" a few different routes my husband has let her walk all over him. It's only now that I'm pointing out when she's rude and speaks to hi disrespectfully that he gets it. I guess it took a few years to get my feet firmly under the table.
We insisted a contribution to whatever she was downing at our house when we spotted that it was a problem and she unleashed the gates of hell in him. That told a big story
It is pretty common with these SDs
They grow up narcissistic and entitled. They think they are 'owed' things because they watch their BM ride the alimony pony and not work for anything, while the guilty BF overcompensates and enables. Between these two extremes, there is no actual parenting that happens. It is amazing any of them are even functional as adults, let alone kind and grounded.
Yep all of this. BM still to
Yep all of this. BM still to this day works part time yet tells the kids that "we can't have nice things because your dad doesn't give me enough money (younger SS still gets maintenance). The truth is that SD thinks she'll get the same as her mum. A huge house aged 25 (she tells me she'll get there sooner than I did and I was a career slave) on 16 hours a week work
Bratty McBratFace
She thought she was entitled to a room in my house to store her things because she 'couldn't buy her own place for a couple of years'. Keep in mind she is 23, makes barely above minimum wage, and lives in a very expensive city. She is delusional.
Ah yes!
Is this the one who's room you want to redo rate? Or it was on that thread. The thought of this makes me want to scrape my nails down the walls of our spare room
Yep, that's her.
Not only are we not obliging her entitled arse with a room and free storage here, but we're converting her room to a Whiskey Lounge!!!! He he he...
Boom!
I was told recently by SS that she was telling her mum I was throwing my weight around referring to "my house". I always use the phrase "our home" because the truth is that this is my house, I bought it and the deeds are only in my name.
so to hear her twisting what I've been very careful about saying is disappointing. From now on I'll drop the consideration around her and call it my house. And now that we've agreed that it's my house I'll start to go with my rules. Nobody who disrespects anyone is welcome in my house, that could be the delivery man or a family member.
that starts with the free storage that we're supplying in her very large double closet that is full of old clothes that she doesn't wear, the dressing table that she wanted when we moved and the hoards of gifts my husband bought her that she hasn't touched.
considering that her mother caused the attitude she can take back the junk that goes with the stroppy mare
I dance to that tune, too!
I refer to it as our home but it is my house and my asset (in my sole name). When we told Bratty she had to move out it of course flipped her out. First she tried silent treatment/guilt tripping SO, then Bratty wanted to 'negotiate' for more time (Me: No.), storage space in the garage (Me: No.) or storage space in the closet of her old room (Me: No.).
Bratty then started with the 'but DAAAADDDDDYYYY, I don't feel comfortable' visiting our home, I'm 'homeless'. I told her directly I don't care about her feelings and would be disengaging. Best day ever!
My Sd is doing porn now
so I would say yes. Yes PAS kids don't grow up to be normal functioning adults.
Pretty much my posts about my SD over the years were listing her pretty bad, outrageous behavior. Did she grow up to be a college educated, hard working adult with normal loving relationships? Nope. She doesn't want to support herself financially. She doesn't want to work hard. She doesn't want to study or show up at a job. She wants people to give her attention and give her money. Well, one of the two is doing ok. So I don't know. I'm not sure why one of them has turned out ok. I really thought they were both going to grow up to be train wrecks.
Oh wow
We've got early signs of this at the moment, the online content she's putting out there is desperate and degrading, and mostly half naked in underwear. Massively attention seeking behaviour and definitely done to provoke male attention.
the irony is that she's desperate for a boyfriend but guys look at this stuff, if a man saw her profile they'd run a mile and a it's the first place they always look
I am confused...
Why is your DH giving her an allowance? She's 20 years old, tell her lazy arse to get a job. Suggest you let your DH know that the rudeness stops now or he can visit her outside your home. I would not allow that ADULT into my house, if your DH doesn't agree, show him the door.
Sorry, I am in a flow mood today, my DAH(Dumb Arse Husband) is being a jerk today.
Good question
SD is at uni but living at home because if she went away her golden uterus mum would combust at the lack of control. SD has been convinced by her mum that student loans are pointless and because SD's grandparents are paying her fees, SD has a free pass to a degree that will be worth nothing when she doesn't want to work in a years time.
DH was pussywhipped into paying towards SD's travel costs to uni 2 days a week (i say towards, we're assuming in that figure she's driving a car that does 2 miles to the gallon). SD repeatedly told him that his co tribute on wasn't enough and she expected more money for "trying to further my education".
ive spent most of lockdown trying to stop his contribution seeing as she wasn't attending at all, finally when she spent a load of money on a very expensive beauty purchase for herself a couple of months ago the penny dropped. Now we've agreed that going forwards she won't get as much as a sniff from us now that her attitude seems to be that she's declared independence from our family values of trying to protect the vulnerable in a pandemic and not partying all the time with other people
lets add grannie shall we?
I forgot to mention, Grannie has a big hand in supporting the ex wife's alienation which is ironic as she's my husband's mother and hates the ex wife. Step-brat can do no wrong in grannie's eyes and she spends most of her time telling SD how amazing she is for literally breathing and if there is ever a conflict, grannie will undermine DH completely by taking SD's side. So Grannie is basically SD's ally.
Example this weekend, family chat about playing a game on zoom and SD says "I'm not going if Dad, Auntie or Dolly will be there." Rather than Grannie pointing out that SD is refusing to engage in any fun because of a monster sulk, grannie says "ok darling, that's fine"
So Grannie doesnt point out that the 3 family members who SD are excluding (Auntie tried to have a word with stepbrat in lockdown as well about her attitude so now she's spurned as well) are entitled to an opinion and might have a valid point. Instead she goes along with the division caused now between grannie and her own children and grandchild and says nothing.
This one has been rumbling along for years. if DH has EVER dared to discipline SD Grannie has pulled the rug out from under his feet so no wonder she's a brat now of gigantic proportions.