Wedding Photo
SO's parents dislike BM. There's a lot of PAS going on from BM to the SD's about the grandparents. (BM hates them). The grandparents have wedding and "couple" photos of all of their sons and DIL's on display, including a few of SO and I, even though we aren't married. All photos of SO and BM have been removed or hidden away. The last time I was at their place with SD17 (stb 18), she was on a mission to find a wedding photo of her parents specifically to show me. It's her usual passive aggressive approach now that she's been told she's not allowed to be rude to me. She couldn't find one and was disappointed.
Unfortunately, I found it by accident. There's one photo left, and it's tucked away in a corner of SO's father's office. There's actually another photo of us together on more prominent display beneath it. (That's how I noticed it. I'm rarely in there. I saw the photo of us, and then I looked up). I said "is that your wedding photo?" SO didn't know it was there and was embarrassed. He said his mom probably kept it because he's in his dress uniform, and she has no other photos of him in it. I said it's totally fine, I just didn't want anyone to ever show it to me on purpose.
Thing is, if SD17 ever asks him about a wedding photo, he'd totally get it for her. And then she'd show it to me, and talk again about how romantic their wedding was (before she was even born), how handsome her daddy looked in his uniform, etc. I can't handle that again if there's a photo to go along with it.
Please tell me if I'm being selfish here. I want to marry SO, and I wanted him to wear his dress uniform when we do. I've never even seen him in it. And that's not going to happen if we marry, because I know it's already been done. It's just a sore spot for me, and I don't want it rubbed in my face by a young woman who admits she wants her parents back together.
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Comments
That's weird that she would
That's weird that she would talk about how romantic her divorced parents wedding was...shouldn't that be a sign to her that weddings are all for show and don't mean anything?
It's not selfish of you...why wouldn't he wear his dress uniform? Also, aren't there any pictures of him just by himself or with his best man / groomsmen at the wedding?
MIL still has an album from DH's wedding to BM, but the pictures are all terrible...just people standing in rows without any artistic lens taken at all. Also, both BM and DH don't look good. They both had weight loss surgery in the final years of their marriage. For their wedding, BM is stuffed into a wedding dress that is too tight and had a terrible ornate headpiece on. She looks like a big sausage. MIL also had a large "engagement" photo of DH and BM and again, it's a terrible photo. They are both wearing ugly clothes and the pose is terrible. DH told me that if MIL tried to give that to him he was going to throw it directly in the trash. I'm sure MIL still has it.
Take the pic to a editor and have BM removed. Poof.. uniformed
Take the pic to a editor and have BM removed. Poof.. uniformed pic of DH sans BM. Frame it up for your MIL. End of DW/BM wedding pics.
Interestingly, more than 10ys following my divorce from my whore of an XW, I ran into my XILs who invited me to their home for coffee. I accepted. Oddly, the wedding pics from my wedding to their daughter were still prominently displayed in their home. XW was on her third marriage at that time. Ours was the only pics of her with a partner in my XILs home. As devout Catholics, to them, we were still married. She never got the marriage annulled. As a non-Catholic... I had no motivation to have it annulled.
Haha amazing idea. I'd be
Haha amazing idea. I'd be able to edit it myself, but I just don't want to see it close up.
Actually, I should take a
Actually, I should take a photo of him in his uniform myself. We're both photographers, and I have a photo studio at work. No excuse! And his mom would love it.
And if we get married, I'm going to insist on an elopement to New Zealand or Iceland. Instead of his dress uniform and a wedding gown, maybe I should suggest Hobbit or Viking costumes
Elope
That is what SO and I are doing. Our ceremony will be private and we're having a small-ish reception for family and close friends. Avoids the whole issue of what happened at the prior wedding and also eliminates immature SD drama.
Taking a new photo is a great idea and I think his parents would love it.
And no, you're not being unreasonable to not want to see his prior wedding photos. I don't blame his parents for keeping one, but if snotty SD finds one and tries to show it to you just say no. As in 'SD, I don't care to see this. Bye'.
A former STalk member and her DH married in the Belize Jungle
with a Shaman officiating. They jumped in a river to seal the ceremony.
Have fun getting hour Viking or Hobbit wedding on.
SOs parents have wedding
SOs parents have wedding photo lining their downstairs. SOs and BMs is clearly gone because everyone hates her. They do however still have SOs oldest brothers 1st wedding photo up.. They are still friendly with her. He has been divorced from her for like 25 years now. Weird I know.
SOs ex MIL left their wedding photos on our back porch with their main wedding photo of the two of them out on top. Talk about passive aggressive. SO hates ex MIL with a passion. I was only dating SO we will say like 9 months at the time and BM and her mother weren't on speaking terms so she thought this was ok... LOL. Lunatic.
I will add that this was almost 4 years after their separation already at that point.
I think if your SD tries to do this again simply say to her.. "SD I don't care." And walk away. She's almost 18.. she's trying to hurt you.
Or say something obnoxious
Or say something obnoxious like "Oh my, hat dress makes her look so FAT! '
Or
"My goodness, she looks so hungover!"
Or
"Didn't they have the dress in her size?"
Or
"I suppose she could be quite pretty if she'd only smile rather than bare her teeth ..."
What did they do to her hair!
What did they do to her hair!?
Once, BM sent a bunch of
Once, BM sent a bunch of things over the DH with Skids on a visitation weekend (not sure why since it was 5 years after they divorced and she moved 2 years previously)....their wedding video was in the box. Guess BM was feeling nostalgic.
Jesus. SD needs to grow up.
Jesus. SD needs to grow up. Her behavior seems very childish for her age.
DH's parents had family photos taken when he was still married to Crazy, so they had her photoshopped out and the now photoshopped pic is hanging in their wall. I find it hilarious. His whole family thinks she's insane and they didn't want her on the wall. Lol
Good Gawd
What a mean lil B . SD is almost 18 she knows dang well what she is doing. If she shows you the pic just smile and as you walk away say "best not to show this to your daddio he said that was the biggest mistake of his life"
Half kidding here. But wouldnt you love to say that!
Wedding pictures at a funeral
I just got back from my FIL's memorial service. (He passed 6 months ago and it's been turbulent.) DH's aunt made a slide show....and included DH's wedding photo! She had cropped ex's head and zoomed on the kids but it was totally obvious what it was. Plus I had seen the picture before. I was floored. (FIL wasn't in the pic-just skids with DH and ex.) Ex wife was at the funeral and at the family lunch where this was shown. There were other pictures of her in the slide show but to use their wedding picture!?!! I really hate other people's families.