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Intro to my life....

dont know anymore's picture

Six years ago I met a man while out with friends,he was amazing! We talked for hours that night, he told me what he did and all about himself.The next morning he called and asked if he could come back to see me,I was elated.That day he told me all about his family, his sisters(he's one of twins)and brother,his parents,his kids (three boys and a girl) and lastly his estranged wife(separated but still in the same house).Red flags immediately went up and alarm bells rang but I didn't heed them, after all we had only just met and were not getting into a relationship.

As time went on he started pitching up to visit more often than not and sparks started flying.I was a 1st year student and had a lot of time on my hands in a place I hardly knew and had no friends, the company was appreciated.Without even realizing it we became emotionally dependent on one another,somehow/somewhere this is where the trouble started.He called at all hours of the day and night, stayed over after long nights out, took me to friends and distant family and wham I realized we were in a full blown relationship. :jawdrop: I couldn't believe it this man was still married and we were dating.

I noticed a few strange things like him not taking calls from a certain number and always walking outside when his phone rang, he never answered my calls after 5:30pm but rather called back with an excuse.I had had enough of this strangeness and finally asked him if he was really separated.His response had me floored: no, we still live together and in the same room but we have had no intimate contact since last year and haven't spoken to each other in months.He had lied to me so I told him to get therapy and save his marriage and that I never wanted to see him again.

Two months had passed and my flat mate had moved out,life was peaceful.One late afternoon once I had gotten home I checked my phone to find over a hundred missed calls from him and one from a number that had been prank calling me for a while, this time though there was a voice message.It said 'If you want him you can have him, tell him to come collect his bags they're packed'.I had no idea what was going on, I hadn't heard from or seen this man in two months and it was obvious that the voice was his wife.I ran out to lock my gate as I didn't know what to expect and there he was.She had confronted him that morning about having an affair and he had admitted to it.She had kicked him out and told him never to return.I was stuck in the middle of a mess.I offered him the spare bed and told him that it was only till he got back on his feet.

He was from my hometown more that an hours drive away and his business was there, he did all the carting around of the kids,extra mural activities and daily routines.We had once again become very close but he decided that the traveling was becoming to costly and moved back to our hometown.Shortly after that I dropped out due to finances and moved to the neighboring town.He then moved in with me,it was then that I learned that he had been married twice and that he had another son from his 1st marriage and he had another girl child out of wedlock,I soon met both of them.For the first time he had come clean about all the relationships and kids that he had had.His four kids from his -still current-marriage however had refused all thought of me.His wife attacked me in my own home and his youngest daughter has guilted him into taking her mother to her year end functions and even a week end away that was supposed to be a father daughter thing that I paid for.Fast forward to 2013 we have now been together for six years, his four children (who are all now adults) will still not acknowledge that I exist, the other two have lived with me from time to time but he has still not gotten a divorce.Now I face the challenges of kids who are not a part of my life but affect my life on a daily basis.

Comments

DaizyDuke's picture

Yikes! I'm not trying to be judgemental, but how in the world can you be with a man who has been so deceitful? I guess you're a better person than I. Why is he still not divorced after 6 years, just lazy or what?

esm for too long's picture

Don't do it anymore...just don't. Been there, done that, with a man who had been trying to divorce his wife for years - jack, if you haven't done it by now, you ain't gonna do it. He still ain't done it. Send him packing.

Starla's picture

Do you see any patterns here? I'm sorry if I sound harsh but your being played. Players know how to sweet talk and he sucked you in when you were vulnerable {lonely}, its what they do best. For another woman to call and tell you what she said, I'd thank her and walk away from that situation while your still ahead. If you stick around in that relationship, you someday {maybe not today nor tomorrow but someday} will be that woman deciding if you want to call the latest fling of his to spare her the heartache or walk away shaking your head.

I hope this reply and others to come will help you see this guy for what and who he really is. If he really cared about you, he would leave you be and not drag you in the mess that he created. A player will never admit that though for they are only in it for themselves.

HungryEyes's picture

If he cheated on her - he will cheat on you. Seriously. You're just a hot young carefree piece of ass. And you are better than that. You'll be miserable if you stay. You can be in a great relationship with someone who loves you and will be honest with you. This guy has already lied up and down the sidewalk. Have some self respect and get out of this mess!

Willow2010's picture

I am trying to not be judgmental either but damn woman. If this is a realy post, then you need to get some help.

The man beat you over the head with red flags and yet you still are with him. I have no advice on how to handle him. He is a loser and will never change. You however, need to get some counseling on why you are with a man that clearly is a cheat, and a liar. Sorry.