we had to deal with this with my husband's exwife...we basically told her to only call our house phone in the evenings and not my husband's cell during the day because she has a habit of lying to me and to her BF about what was said...if she does call him during the day he always lets it go to voicemail and then calls her back when he gets home...now we are at a point that we record every conversation we have with her...she finally got the point and quit calling his cell but it took her about a year for it to sink in...good luck...
oh and the ex will tell you i'm a bitch...lol...but only because i call her on every lie she tells in front of whoever is standing there...she always looks like a deer caught in head lights when she's caught...too funny...now she's real careful with what she says around me...lol

And I set the EXACT same rule, she is to call the house phone only. He is not to be interrupted during work hours with her silly excuses to call, and he WILL not be at her beck and call anymore. After he requested her to stop calling his cell from 8-5 because he works from his cell phone (and frankly WE were sick of her calling 3 or 4 times a week for NOTHING) he would let it go to voicemail. Then she started calling from a blocked number. So we resorted to "cell phones are for emergencies"... because really... they are. She doesn't need 24 hour access to her ex husband for silly things. She can call the house, and if we don't answer, leave a message... that way she cannot leave nasty messages on his cell phone about what a bitch I am, thinking I won't hear, because she in not allowed to call his cell. Luckily, I had DH backing me up 100% on this one. Where was your DH when this 45 minute battle was going on? Did he defend your point? When he told her to only call the house phone she was pretty angry with him and agreed that they don't need to be made available 24/7 for each other if it is not urgent. So, it went over pretty well. Since this request she has only called the house phone a handful of times and only ONCE has actually spoken to DH, every other time it's either ME, or the machine. I would stand your ground on this one. She is not HIS anymore... there is no reason for her to demand his attention no matter WHERE he is or WHAT he is doing.

Daddys Gurl

CAN'T WE ALL JUST GET ALONG?

I just don't even go there. The BM calls when ever. They both email almost on a daily basis there is a lot of co-parenting going on. It drives me crazy but, I just try to not get caught up in it. I do just try to take care of my and my BD. It is so hard because I would love to just give them a piece of my mind about the communication that goes on... I basically raised my children on my own and didn't have the BD to call everyday to remind him about parent teacher conference or what other BS that I could come up with. There was an interesting post last week regarding the seperation factor that the ex's feel... I don't know I just try to make it to the part that it is just me and him... I know that may never be, I do want to be with him and not all of the baggage. Do you think we (all of us) will ever make it? Good luck, I think you have more courage than me...

for putting up with this the BM calls or emails all the time? Should I stand up and say something?

My ex-dh wants me to ONLY call his cell phone.
I can't really blame him because his wife is crazy. He does not want me calling his home phone because his wife will throw a cow-fit. He does not want to deal with her listening in on the converstations and adding her worthless 2 cents.

My dh's ex (BB) will only call dh's cell phone and I don't like it. However, I also can't really stomach the sound of her voice and so I don't know how much I would like her calling our home phone either.

Its a tough spot to be in, but I don't know that you can stop BB from calling dh's cell phone.

I think it depends on your reasoning. If your husband's ex is inappropriate in the content and the time (hours or numer of), I would say yes, you were justified. I, however, don't think that you confronting her was the best approach. Your husband should have told BM to call SS at home rather than on his cell. And then if she didn't oblige, husband should let it go to voicemail and have SS return the call from the home phone.

I'm also a "put yourself in the other person's shoes" type of gal and I would be pissed if my ex's wife/girlfriend tried to dictate where I was allowed to call. I would seriously wonder about his new wife's insecurity. But that is because I only call when I want to talk to my children or I have an issue to discuss. And I wouldn't have cared when I was single or when I was married, I should be able to call my ex's cell if my children are with him regardless of my marital status. So I could see where BM might have been a little taken back by your request/demand if that is the situation.

Personally for me, I like when BM calls DH on his cell because then I don't have to deal with her. He turns his cell off at night when he gets home and she'll usually call the house in that case. But if I see her on the caller id, I always just hand the phone over to DH. My life has been so much easier since I took this approach. She is NEVER going to listen or respect what I have to say to her so I quit wasting my breath.

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...It's about learning to dance in the rain."

I was trying to figure out how to say the same thing that Colorado Girl stated. I was a little "iffy" on why it is so important to use the home phone versus the cell phone. And why isn't DH handling this? It's really a choice that he should make and then enforce.

I also wondered if this was a trust issue for you? Do you trust your DH to hold his conversations with his ex to just kid stuff? If so, then using the cell phone is really relieving you of having to be involved in it...our even hearing her voice. If you don't trust the DH then that's a deeper issue that won't be fixed by limiting calls to the home phone.

Maybe some background motivating this decision would be helpful. Otherwise, I would be happy about not having my home intruded upon by the ex calling my home.

I can't wait until we get to our new home so that the ex can start calling the cell. She doesn't abuse the phone calling because he won't talk to her on the phone. She has lied so many times about phone calls that he has demanded she communicate with him through email only.

As for calling the kids when they are here (if she calls at all) she inevitably calls right when we are in the middle of some family activity. If the kids are excited and start telling her about what we are doing, she keeps them on the phone longer than normal just to be disruptive. (i.e. when my fiance calls if they are in the middle of a movie or activity he keeps it to I love you's and then gets off the phone) I can't count how many times he has called to talk to the kids and she waits exactly 10 minutes before having the kids call back. (she requested that he only call her cell to speak with the kids)
So, we are going to start doing the same. If she calls and we are busy, he will silence the ringer and the kids will be able to call her back when we have a stopping point. It aggravates us both to no end that she will call in the middle of dinner even if we are out at a restaurant and will keep them on the phone. NO MANNERS!!!!!!

anyway, this one has been a sore point for both of us. I'm so glad that the same things irritate us both - I never have to get into it with her!

I don't want BM calling our home phone. Ever. EVER. She used to have our home number, but she abused it. She would call every five seconds until someone picked up. (We don't answer the phone if we are in bed, eating a meal together, bathing the kids, changing diapers, etc.) If no one picked up after several attempts, she would leave horrible messages on the answering machine using just the foulest language, making accusations and threats, name-calling and all that. The first time my son heard one of her crazed messages, I called the phone company and got a new, unlisted home phone number. Since then, she has only been given DH's cell phone number. She doesn't have mine and she doesn't have the home number. It's less intrusive this way... our way of putting up a nice little phone boundary so that we can choose when, where and how to deal with her via phone.

~ Anne ~

"Adjust on the fly, or you're going to cry."
Steve Doocy, The Mr. and Mrs. Happy Handbook

That every situation is different. BM NEVER abuses the house phone. I think because she doesn't know WHO is there when she calls, and she is fearful of leaving a message that someone OTHER than the intended person will hear it. So this is what has worked for us. I stand by the fact that had she not started abusing her "rights" and calling several times a day for NOTHING, it would not bother me in the least that she call DH's cell. Since she has proven to be an adolecent in this area (and many many others) we have chosen to set boundaries. I know her well enough to know that she will NOT call the house unless she HAS to, otherwise I would have left it alone. I think also, the fact that LAST time she called the house... before the rule was enforced, I answered... that was when she asked to speak to her husband and I responded with "I didn't realize you had REmarried, either way, no husband of yours lives at OUR number", and hung up...with a chuckle. Left a bad taste in her mouth. We just threw the part of the custody paper work that stated that the personal information provided to one another i.e. address and phone numbers are not to be used to annoy or harrass the other parent. And she is ANNOYING. She loves that line too! NOT!

Daddys Gurl

CAN'T WE ALL JUST GET ALONG?

that psycho ex is in with regards to phone calls at our home. She used to call all the time--for the stupidest things--when the kids were with us using the home phone. Now, we have caller ID so we can screen "crazy's" (our pet name for her) calls.
But she continues to play games. A few times she would call the home phone to leave a courtesy message for my BF about changes to the schedule and things like that---oh, and it was done during work hours when obviously no one was home to answer the phone--she didn't bother to call him on the cell to inform him of things.
Prior to mediation, she would call when she wanted to complain about things and usually would follow up with nasty e-mails. She basically blamed any behavioral issues the kids had in her home on my BF.
Right before school started, she redefined 'new boundaries'-which had nothing to do with boundaries but just trying to exert more control--and decided they should communicate ONLY by e-mail. She would write 2-3paged e-mails (yes, I actually mean e-mails that when printed resulted in 2-3 pages---psycho). She never answered her phone even when it was important--health of the kids,etc. She would have her new husband answer the phone and "take a message"--yeah, b/c she's so busy she can't walk to the damn phone.
Since mediation, she has actually called him once or twice(usually with regards to money--her real priority) and has answered the phone a few times when he calls.
But the few weeks of pleasant contact since mediation (honeymoon period) is now over. She starting to send her shitty, accusatory e-mails again.

She is ALWAYS recorded and we laugh about it later!!!!
Even with the attorney

I wish I could sell her for what she thinks she is worth,
I'd be a millionare twice.

BM gave ss a cell (he's 11) so he can "call her when I am being mean." Is that not the most absurd thing in the entire world!! She only calls DH's cell and he does not answer and only calls her back if the message is important. Actually, he will call one of the kids and give a response to the call. He hates her too. BITCH

would I allow ss to have the phone when it is your DH's visitation... This is not good when SS has time with DH then the responsibilty to SS's well being lies on your DH's shoulders and he can take care of any situation that may be going on in your home. I would demand that the cell phone be put away if SS was 15 or older then I would be more open to it but, 11 no way!! Good Luck! Stand your ground it is hard enough becoming a family. She doesn't need to know everything that is going on in your home.