I can somewhat relate to this. My dad was in hospice after suffering 2 strokes, one at home and the 2nd in the hospital. He passed away just over a month ago. Its a tough situation. I'm out of state, 10+ hours drive away so the distance made it extremely difficult and stressful. My mom passed away less than a year ago so my dad was also on his own. Very independent and seemed to be adjusting well when all of this happened. There were a lot of neighbors/friends who I thought were critical at times that I didn't stay longer to visit or didn't visit often enough. I had to put those "opinions" aside and do the best I could from a distance & get to him as much as I could. I spent a fortune and missed A LOT of work from January to when he finally passed in February. Its tough and only you know what you're going through. The neighbors and friends sound like they have finacial motives. My advice is to get everything in your name if you haven't already. That way you can control money. bills, etc. That will make a huge difference for you and add piece of mind.

"I appreciate what you have done for my dad. He is receiving great care at home right now and our family is asking that you respect his recovery by leaving him in peace until he's out of the woods."

I would much rather say, "Back off you vultures!! He isn't going to put you in his will because you were kind for five minutes!!" But that seems less diplomatic.

GM was a very low key lady.  My parents wanted her to be able to stay in  her home after granddad passed. My dad worked out a deal with his cousin that they would get my grandparents small farm including the house if they lived there, cared for my grandmother, and kept the property well maintained.  The cousin's GF had become a licensed home care aid and had taken care of her own aging parents for a number of years before they passed so it seemed to be a good arrangement.

Nope, the cousin's GF basically did crap for squat for my grandmother.  After nearly a year we had to move my GM to our location so we could all keep an eye on her care and regularly visit with her.

My dad ended  up selling the house/farm to his cousin since they were no longer "caring" for my GM. 

Ultimately moving her to a retirement facility near us was the best outcome.  She thrived there, we all were able to visit her regularly, and we got her away from the cousin's toxic GF. She and the cousin are now married though none of us have much  to do with them.

Take care of your dad and don't forget to take care of you.

Oh my, I cannot begin to imagine the gamut of emotions you're dealing with. Concern for your Dad, distrust for these people, frustration.... It sounds like you are doing your best (and good things) to care for him.

Is there any RELIABLE service available who can take the place of these potential users?

I have delt with elderly parents, 1 passed away while in skilled care and 1 passed away in a hospice center from accute pneumonia. ALSO went thru the distance factor with the latter. THAT is very very hard.

You have taken important steps...checkbook, POA, locked office etc.

It is very strange they are sniffing around the house. I use that word because that is what they are doing. IT is one thing for neighbors to visit with a meal, or book. OR a short telephone call.  Same goes for close friends. When you visit a close friend who has had surgery....you may offer to clean their house, or cook a meal, run erronds, or sit and read to them.

Honestly I would not give a crap what the so called friends thought. If they were caring, meaningful 'friends' they would check with the nurse first and ask what day is best and what time is best for a short visit.

You could post or inform the nurses that tues/thursdays and Sunday afternoon visitors from 3p until 430pm IF patient is doing well. Readdress visits when Doctor clears dad.

IF they called you and pitched a fit,  I would ask if they are concerned about the care plan in place for YOUR dad?

Your dad is in his 80s...and getting use to a new norm what ever that norm is IS paramount. 

I am sorry...I DO understand.

Hang in there, I know it is very difficult. As the child of your 88 year old dad of course your concerned. Heck I remember every time the phone rang I jumped. For years it was this way.  And,  Of course you want to be careful no on brings a respirtory infection, sniffles, intestional bug into your dads place. THAT can be deadly for him. Next year during flu season I would post something on the door.

His caregivers can be a buffer when needed just tell them.

Make sure the caregivers know that you will back them up if they refuse anyone entrance. You can act as the "bad guy" if necessary. The caregiver can say "ESMOD wants her Dad to have plenty of rest, you will need to come back later." I like the idea of designated visiting hours for the time being - that limits the amount of time anyone can be around - so it is not seen as personal.

The door should be kept locked no matter what the circumstances - that will solve the problem with the "mail" lady.

I would enforce a strict sanitary protocol as well. Visitors should wash their hands before visiting and your dad should wash up when they leave. If they seem at all sick they shouldn't come in and if they do, wipe everything down with a Clorox wipe.

It can become a delicate balance between insisting your parent do what you think to right and them wanting to continue to exert their independence.

I dealt with this when my mother was in ICU for three weeks following a brain aneurysm; she died after three weeks. All her looser friends were hanging out in the private family ICU lounge like vultures, trying to impose their religious beliefs, their opinions on my mother’s care, and their overall negative presence on a very trying time in my life. One woman in particular, who I had never met or even heard from, was in particular quite annoying. I eventually had enough of her and rudely asked her sarcastically “Who are you?” She was taken aback and eventually disappeared.

Her friends became worse when she died, circling like vultures over her stuff. Her best friend was disgusting. My mom promised her the dog. When she tried to take it in my presence, after watching her go through my mother’s belongings with interest on what she wanted and what she could sell for cash for herself, I lost my shit. She later came back for the dog when I wasn’t around.

It’s hard. The above is only some of what I went through. I really recommend setting boundaries and don’t be afraid to be a b*tch. Put people in their place early on so you won’t have to deal with them when your father passes.