Your OSD states that the boy's father is a "pretty okay dad to them". He isn't. Any man (or woman) who harms his wife (or husband) is not a good parent. Physical harm, telling lies, and control are all harmful and not acceptable. The boys are a part of both their mother and father, when either parent disparages the other it hurts the boys. Why would she give up her time to someone who harms her children?

When I divorced my ex, we had 50/50 custody but my son went with him and my daughter stayed with me. I paid a ridiculous sum of child support...plus bought their (son and his father) food, paid all insurance, clothed my son, etc. Why? Because I wanted to make sure he was fed and clothed. Whatever he needed, I paid for. (Yes, he did have a part-time job that was for spending money.) I knew not a cent of that child support 'supported' my son. His parents, who are worth millions, bought him a house and paid his bills. Why did my son go with his dad? Because my ex brainwashed him; he told him I had affairs, that I kicked him out, didn't want him, didn't love him, etc. None of that was remotely true. He had been 'working' on my son for years. When my son was 18, I told him the truth. It was tough for him to hear, but I told him in a factual manner and left emotions out of it. I did not disparage his father. My son was able to connect the dots. We have a great relationship forged on love, honesty, and mutual respect. My son also loves his dad (as he should) but he knows who to come to for...well, everything. 

Also, what is really funny...but not funny at all...was the fact that my ex's family told my son I was a gold digger! Projection and denial at it's finest!

I do not think this will be popular, but I am going to say it. IMHO, I think too much emphasis is placed on sports. Yes, sports are great small scale, but not when it runs their life, affects their schoolwork, or sacrifices quality family time. For the majority of kids, sports will not take them anywhere in life. Spending quality time with family and building relationships will. 

For this, I think SD needs to reframe the situation a bit. The game was rescheduled due to weather, so if exDH was not involved with baseball at all (as coach or otherwise), would she be taking the child to the makeup game or making him miss to attend dinner? Take the exDH out of the equation all together. 

Just because the exDH is the coach, doesn't make it his time. Unfortunately, yes, he will still see the kids more because he is coach. I assume she would still be taking the child to the sport on her time, unless she doesn't allow them to attend on her time. Either way "makeup time" isn't warranted in these situations, since she is allowing them to play the sport regardless. This is one of those things where childhood extracurriculars eat into "your time" and the option is they either participate or they don't, even in intact families. 

Now the concern about the threats exDH is making is valid and could be something that needs to be addressed by the court and maybe law enforcement via restraining order or reducing exDH's parenting time. Additionally, SD does not need to be flexible with the CO at all. If exDH asks for extra days or to switch, she is completely within her right to say "No" and to maintain her time, especially if she knows he won't reciprocate for her. She needs to stop being flexible with him or asking for makeup time because if she flexes for him but he won't flex for her, she has no recourse. 

more of a priority to her. I would say if not missing any time with older son is priority to go with option 2 so she doesn't miss any time, Dad is the coach it is not like he is going over to hang out at Dad's solo on OSD's time. However, if the dinner is more of a priority to OSD then to go with option 3. I don't think the older son should miss his game. It is important to teach children when they make a commitment that they follow through with it. It is unfortunate in this situation the Dad is the coach because he does interaction with his son on OSD's time where she does not, but again he is coaching a team so it is not quality time. If OSD is stuck on what to do, perhaps ask the younger brother if he would rather go watch his brother at his game or attend the dinner?

Were it me I would stick to the custody schedule. Bring both boys to the game. But also not accommodate the ex's special requests. With an a-hole ex, i wouldn't give them an inch. Especially if it looks like this dad is going to possibly use sports or hunting as a way to "edge her out" as far as time. She's got a long road ahead and as stated by the poster above, he really isn't a good dad if he hurt her in front of the boys. But, if she really prefers to go to the dinner, that's her choice. But i wouldn't start down the road of special requests and making up time. Not with a guy like that. ETa also, she needs an iron-clad CO ASAP. One that addresses vacations, holidays, etc. 

I'm read the original post a couple of times and gone back and forth. My thoughts for what they are worth.

Mom needs to really think about what she wants in the CO and then follow it to a T.

Would the decision be different if Dad were not the coach? 

This is a young kid league. There is no MLB scout in the stands watching the kid. It's a rescheduled game. Sometimes kids on teams miss rescheduled games due to prior family commitments. Yes, the child needs to learn to keep commitments. But, he also needs to learn that family is important too.

Mom made her plans around the sport schedule. She did her part. Unfortunately, the game was rescheduled. My vote is that the child misses the rescheduled game and Mom keeps her previously scheduled family commitment.