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Just Venting

FEELINGUSED's picture

Submitted by FEELINGUSED on Fri, 10/09/2009 - 5:38pm

One of the many reasons my husband won custody of his daughter was because she was being neglected by her mother as far as her education was concerned. Let me preface this by saying I in no way think my way is best for anyone but me and my birth child, but it has worked and my husband has been around me long enough to understand the importance that I put on education. But, yes there is the but, Ever since she has been with us, he seems to be just as non-invovled as the mother must have been. First of all she is eleven years old in the fifth grade and is reading at a third or fourth grade level. When I try to help, she gets beligerant, rolls her eyes, blows air, or just stares off. I have ways of dealing with this , but that is the point when he just tells her it's okay. He so afraid to parent her, that she tries to manipulate us, but I find myself checking out of the situation, before I say something really mean, because I don't need the aggravation. He refuses to talk to her about her behavior, and when I try to talk to him about it, he just walks away, yet he wants me to take care of her, all the while, her mother is calling on her court ordered call days telling her all kind of negative things and when she comes back from her weekend with her mom it horrible. Apparently the chid may or may not have started her period, noone has told me anything, oh, did I mention she is a habitual liar. She says on her last visit with her mom, she went to a doctor who told her she was having a period. No one told her father either that I know of. No accidental clothing in the laundry. When I asked why didn't her mom tell her dad, she says her mom doesn't want her dad to know anything.
WOW...I'm new here and I'm wearing out my welcome already, I'm just frazzled that's all. I just need a break!!!!!!

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LotusFlower's picture

Submitted by LotusFlower on Sat, 10/10/2009 - 7:37am

I too am not FT "Mom" to a 7th grader who was reading on a 5th grade level and was not proficient in math...all due to the fact that mommy dearest didn't give a shit about school and this kid literally got pushed along. Its alot of work!!! I sit at the table for three to four hours a night doing homework with her and its exhausting!!!......here's the thing....I know my DH cares, but he is not as hands on as I am when it come to school...I WANT this child to have options in life, and the only way that I feel I can make sure that happens is to insist on education, so therefore, I feel that I must make the committment that neither her mother or father did...I got her a math tutor over the summer, and I insist she read for a half an hour after dinner....(the teachers said the best way to improve writing skillds, etc is by reading)...I ordered some great books from Amazon called the bridge series that "bridges" between say 5th and sixth grade with extra exercises...anyway...its brutal and I cry to my sister every day about working FT and then spending 3-4 hours a nite doing homework...I literally have no life....but I just don't feel like I can sit back and watch this child fail and see her "settle" for some man to take care of her because she cannot take care of herself....Here's the thing....my DH may not be the one sitting there, but he is 100% supportive...he insists that she focus and do well and he takes things away and grounds her if she lies about homework, etc....its VERY important that he back u up in yur efforts...if u don't have that support, I don't really see how u can do it all on yur own...anyway....I am proud to say my SD is on the honor roll so far this year!!! best of luck!! and we r here for u to vent anytime u need to Smile

A mother is not defined by the "b" or the "s" in front of her name, she is defined by how she handles the "mother" part.....