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Stepdaughter doesn't hug me

Focusonthepos's picture

Submitted by Focusonthepos on Fri, 08/13/2021 - 8:26pm

Me and SD12 have a close, friendly, very cordial relationship but she never initiates hugs. She hugs her friends, family members And even her uncle's new girlfriend who she has known for less time than she has known me. It hurts my feelings. When her dog died i tried to hug her but she didn't hug back. 

I am too fragile/sensitive to try again. Should I just drop it for now? Spouse says if she's not comfortable it's okay. 

 

Comments

motherof3boys's picture

Submitted by motherof3boys on Fri, 08/13/2021 - 8:37pm

Sorry, I would take that personally too and you sound like a very sweet person! I would try to leave it alone and not initiate them anymore. She may just start missing what she thought would always be there! 

Kes's picture

Submitted by Kes on Sat, 08/14/2021 - 12:00am

If you have a close, friendly relationship - that is more than a lot of us here on ST have.  I know it may be hurtful if your SD hugs others and not you, but like you suggest - I would just drop it for now - if your relationship continues to be good - try again in a year or two when she's matured a bit. 

Focusonthepos's picture

Submitted by Focusonthepos on Sat, 08/14/2021 - 3:02pm

In my opinion, she thinks I'm responsible for breaking up her parents because that is what her mom has told her. It sucks for me because she probably feels that hugging me would be like "hugging the bad guy" and/or betraying her mother. Any tips?

motherof3boys's picture

Submitted by motherof3boys on Sun, 08/15/2021 - 2:42am

The truth always has a way of coming out...maybe not in the way or time we want, but it's something I have to remind myself of in my situation. SD's BM had an affair while my now DH was deployed, took all his money, and moved a new man in. Is this anything SD is aware of? Probably not. I doubt BM is sharing such info with her daughter. Despite doing what she did, you would think DH had done it to her with how bitter she is. 

SeeYouNever's picture

Submitted by SeeYouNever on Sat, 08/14/2021 - 2:40pm

I don't think kids should be obligated to give physical affection to anyone they don't want to. If she says no then not pushing the issue is a good lesson on respecting consent. 

ImFreeAtLast's picture

Submitted by ImFreeAtLast on Sat, 08/14/2021 - 4:58pm

If she was your daughter than it would cut like a knife. Maybe I'm just jaded but the amount of feelings I have about AdultSkid could fit into a thimble now.

hereiam's picture

Submitted by hereiam on Sat, 08/14/2021 - 3:57pm

She may feel that hugging you would be crossing the line as far as loyalty to her mother. I really wouldn't worry about it, nor try to force it or make her feel bad about it.

Don't let it hurt your feelings, it more than likely has nothing to do with you and more to do with BM.