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I am falling out of love with dh

Fullofresentment's picture

Submitted by Fullofresentment on Sat, 05/17/2014 - 3:40am

So after I posted yesterday, dh apologized to me and said "I should have too you ". While I accepted the apology my heart was just not in it and I was distant to him last night. This morning I just woke up thinking "I do not love this man the way I used to". This man made me feel safe, loved and valued. And because of this I dealt with his baggage of two kids and two BMs. Now I am third/fourth priority after ss, his work and now his friends.

I commend dh for being a good father and actually this attracted me to him in the first place but why should it always be at my expense. We have ss every weekend at dh's request. Last year I asked for one weekend every two months off and was told no. Dh can go out with his friends and change ss visitation to our night. He would never change the days to take me out on a Saturday ever. I am only 29 and childless. I feel disgusted at dh. He tried to cuddle me and love on me this morning in bed and I actually felt a bit sick so now he is I playing with ss and I am going to the gym. I'm not going to leave just yet, I am going to bide my time and see if these feelings are permanent. It's so sad because I used to worship the ground that this man walked on Sad

Comments

Smith75's picture

Submitted by Smith75 on Sat, 05/17/2014 - 6:12am

Wow - I feel EXACTLY the same as you! My DH constantly placed SD12 and SD16 (who live with us full time!!) ahead me and our couple time. We didn't even have our weekly date nights (as we discussed when we got married) because he didn't want his precious girls to feel neglected or left out. Life revolved around them and I was expected to sacrifice my own life to do things for them.

I've been married 19 months and I've now left my husband. I couldn't put up with his temper and being second best to his kids all the time. We've been separated for 2.5 months and I promise you, I feel so much happier and at peace with myself. DH has been trying so hard to apologise, promising change and more couple time - basically everything I want to hear - but my feelings for him have changed. I just don't love him like I used to...and trust me, that's pretty heartbreaking.

I guess I just want you to know that the way you're feeling is normal...you're not alone. I completely understand the way you're feeling...the way you've been made to feel! No one deserves that. I hope you find your way.

herewegoagain's picture

Submitted by herewegoagain on Sat, 05/17/2014 - 7:28am

I wish you the very best of luck. You are obviously a strong woman to have just walked out…good for you!

herewegoagain's picture

Submitted by herewegoagain on Sat, 05/17/2014 - 7:27am

I am very sorry that you are going through this. I met DH when I was 31. I too had no children. At the time, everything seemed so wrong and yet I stayed thinking things would get better. It took a very long time for them to get better (it has now been 15yrs) and what I lost as far as health, money, life, etc. drives me insane every single day. I have to say that if I could be 31 again, I would run, not walk. By the way, that was my plan and I was working exactly towards that and became pregnant…which made me stay…stupid me.

DH used to do the same…when we met, he wouldn't pick up his daughter if he had a party with friends, etc…he would work some weekends and not care if he saw his daughter or not…BM never cared as she had moved on and just wanted her money…but as soon as DH and I were serious then he could never not see his daughter regardless of the reason. BM could take off for a month with loser skid and DH didn't mind, but if I had something, anything at all to attend, etc. then it was just no. Heck, even when I was going to have my baby I had to schedule a C-section because DH told me that he would pick up his daughter the weekend I was due and if I went into labor, then I would just be alone because he would have nobody to leave the loser kid with. I will resent him the rest of my life for that and nothing he does will ever make that up for me. Also, although he did do this prior to me having a baby and after, I finally got sick of it and decided that if I had a party to go to or anything with my friends, work, etc. I would have my parents take care of my son and I would go anyway…WITHOUT DH. He was ticked off at the beginning and changed his ways after that…but honestly, I should have left years ago.

Every woman I know that does not have children and is thinking of dating a guy with kids I tell them run, run, run…there are PLENTY of men without kids you can date. Is it sad for the men? Yes, it sure is…but honestly, we need to take care of ourselves first and what a stepmom will have to endure during her lifetime is not any better than feeling sorry for a man not being able to move on because he had kids…tough shit.