My husband was given custody of his 3 boys over 6 years ago, after a long, difficult court case. The court welfare reporter found that the bm was emotionally unstable and unfit to have full time custody of the kids. We have documented evidence that she emotionally abused the kids from court reports, reports from child mental health professionals and statements from school staff who expressed concern about the boys' behaviour, attainments and emotional state. BM has a history of mental illness and alcohol abuse. She emotionally and physically abused my dh for many years in front of the kids and often said crude and disgusting things to dh about their sex life (or lack of it) in front of their kids, neighbours and friends. She hit, yelled at and ignored the kids when they were little and neglected them, not changing their nappies often enough and not watching them properly so they ended up getting hurt too often. Dh worked long hours at the time and was out of the house all day so he only got the full picture when a neighbour told him after they split. She used PAS to try and turn the boys against their father and told them all sorts of things which frightened them, such as telling them their dad was a bad man who didn't give her money and that he would go to jail. She even discussed the court case with them and told them things that were totally inappropriate for their age. The kids were under seven at this time so found it very frightening and confusing. They were seriously traumatised and had extreme behavioural and emotional problems which have gradually improved due to 6 years of living in a stable home with rules, boundaries and love plus some help from child mental health services and support at school. The court ordered that she has regular contact, which she has EOWE and half of school hols, plus phone contact whenever she wants it.

The boys are now 9, 10 and 16 BM has never made any secret of the fact that she hates that dh got custody and believes she was hard done by. She feels so sorry for herself and is convinced that nasty dh is to blame for "taking her darling boys away from her". She has always planned on trying to get them back and apparently is always telling them that soon they will go to live with her. She only wants ss9 and ss10 and wants nothing to do with ss16. He doesn't want much to do with her either but does go on some contact weekends to see his little half brother, the one she had with father unknown and who, at nearly 3 years old, is still in nappies and cannot talk.

Unfortunately because she's a lazy bitch who can't be bothered to get a job, she gets benefits which means she gets legal aid. On the other hand I am working so that means we cannot get any help with legal costs at all. We're on a low income but not low enough to get any help, and we simply cannot afford legal fees. Bm has recently decided to have another try at getting custody and my dh has been requested to attend a mediation meeting next week. The initial meeting is free, but any further meetings will cost us £200 so he's already told bm and the solicitor that he will attend the first meeting but no more after that due to the expense.

Once it becomes clear that mediation is not viable, I'm worried that she's going to try and take us to court. We've researched online and got some free legal advice which suggests that she hasn't got a case because no court is likely to order a change in custody after 6 years unless the kids are at risk in some way, being neglected or abused or if we were stopping contact which we are not. The kids are doing well in school and staff are delighted with their behaviour, social services and the police have never been involved and they are in good health so haven't had to see the doctor very often. It looks like she doesn't have a case for a change of custody and it seems unlikely that the courts would award it to her just because it's what she wants. However she's been working on ss10, brainwashing him and bribing him with treats and I'm convinced if anyone asked him, he would say he wants to go an live with bm. SS9 I'm sure would say he wanted to stay here, as he is very attached to his dad and enjoys being with us as a family. I don't know how much weight a 10 year old's view would carry in court. When he's older and can see things for what they are that will be different, but at the moment all he sees is that mum's house is fun where he gets to eat crap all day, do what he likes and hasn't got the same rules and routine he has at home. He only ever goes there at weekends and school hols so there's no daily routine with school etc like there is at home, and he would be in for a real shock if he went to live there as things would be very different. Until he's old enough to take everything into consideration and come to an educated decision, he's better off here with us.

We're worried that once it becomes apparent that mediation isn't viable, she will take a case to court. If this happens we're fairly hopeful that she won't win, but we're going to be left with no option but to represent ourselves. We're quite capable of researching, writing letters and speaking to official people but it's a daunting thought and I would be worried that she could pull some crap that we're not qualified to deal with.

Anyone out there dealt with anything like this?