Ok, so first I want to say thank you to all who welcomed me. I think that I may have come across as too harsh with my first post... as I thought that this was a way to VENT and not to be attacked but I may have been wrong. Anyway, I do care for my SD and I do EVERYTHING for her. About the ice cream, which I think most people couldn't get past, it wasn't that she reminded me it was the attitude that accompanied the reminder. I am the first to say that if we promised the children something, then we should go thru with it, good or bad, but it was the attitude with each reminder. AND not only that, once we do something she asks every night about it, she tells us that at the other house they ate McD's every other day and pizza the other half. I hardly use canned food and so most of the food that I cook is fresh and she is constantly giving me grief that my food tastes strange and that she doesn't like it. Another issue that I have is, like I said, once I cook one thing she expects it every night. Sometime last week I cooked Mexican and so everyday after that every time I am about to cook she comes into the kitchen and tells me... "Make sure you cook Mexican today... ok!"... uumm, again it is the attitude that I don't like.

I do want to say that if I didn't care about my SD I wouldn't be fighting as hard as I could to get custody of her. I am the first to say that she needs a good home and a healthy family life, but it is difficult for me, as I am sure it is for her, to adjust. As I think I mentioned in my first post, she comes from a permissive family and my husband and I are anything but. We are both prior military and we like for the kids to listen. My SD DOESN'T listen. Every time we tell her something she shuts down... I mean that LITERALLY!!! You can see her eyes where she just stops listening and nothing is coming across.

I know that she is not like her mother, but I am trying to adjust to parenting a grown child, well she is 10, who is not used to MY household... I am SORRY, I will get a bit frustrated. I am used to running my house a bit differently. With that said, I know better than to scream at her, I understand that she is sensitive to those kinds of things, but after me telling her to do something a few times it gets a bit annoying. I am a harsh speaker to begin with, I don't mean to be, but I am that is why my personality was perfect for the military, but again my husband was done with that lifestyle.

If I didn't care for her I wouldn't feel as guilty and badly as I do because we don't have that bond. I truly do wish that she and I could bond and have a mother-daughter relationship. If anyone would see how I treat both my kids, SD & BS, I treat them the same. If one gets something, the other does too. I do NOT allow my BS to mistreat his sister or make her do anything I wouldn't expect my BS to do. She doesn't even have chores... yet!

She was very used to being a mother to her younger sisters, from her BM & SD, and so when she came to us the first thing I told her was that her only job at our house was to be a 10 year old. She used to wake up before her mother and make breakfast for her sisters, get them ready and help put them to bed. I don't agree with that. With us, both my DH and I tuck her in, sometimes is one or the other, and help both get them ready for bed. I just need a little bit of time to get used to having a 10 year old who thinks she can talk to me like she used to speak to her mother! Sorry, I got my shit together I don't need a 10 year old telling me what I HAVE to do.

About therapy, she has started therapy and seems to be doing well. I guess if I give you all a little background then maybe you all will understand a little more. I suffer from depression, since I was 13 I am now 30, and eating disorders. I don't adapt well to an abrupt change well, it takes me a little bit to be able to give up control and get used to something new. I am in therapy and on medication, but it is still difficult to go from having one child to all of a sudden having 2. Again, thank you all for the welcome!