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Need encouragement

Haelsunderfire's picture

Hello everyone, as I've said I've decided to split with my husband. Today is a hard day. There will be good days and there will be hard ones. I love him so much, but i want to love myself now too. I don't want to love miserable because of he's not a true partner and because his kids are rude disrespectful and always asking him into leave me 

 

so today ok this day when I'm feeling a bit weak and depressed, I ask for some words of encouragement. Encouragement to be strong. 

Comments

Johnm0819's picture

What a crappy year 2020 was. BUT, here's to moving forward. I'm moving out myself simply to concentrate on my personal sanity. Yeah it sucks looking at the one bedroom shack I'll be in, but I'm trying to make the best of it. I love my fiance to pieces. But I feel like we aren't moving forward and just need some time apart. Work on YOU. Focus on YOU. Find new ways to love YOU. You'll be alright. Things suck, but you are loved here.

CLove's picture

Just remember that. You are worthy of being loved, and respected. You are worthy of time and attention and being lifted up.

This will take some time, but once you rebuild yourself into your new life, you will be much stronger, as a result.

Youve got this!

Haelsunderfire's picture

Thank you! I will work on trying to remember that I did this to be in peace at the end of the day. That alone is worth it.

queensway's picture

Sounds like you made the best choice for yourself. Good for you! It is true that finding happiness alone is better than being with someone who brings you down. Change is hard for some people. But your change will be for a more positive life. Do things that make you happy. Instead of thinking about him and his kids think about what you would want your new life to look like. Set goals for yourself. Read books that can help with your decision. Talk with family and friends that are supportive. But most of all respect and love yourself.

Haelsunderfire's picture

I have a 5 and 3 year old and will do my best to be good for them. That's why I made my choice at the end of the day. Because i couldnt subject them to CPS or me being investigated for false allegations. I love my husband with every fiber in my being, but I can't sacrifice my safety. I feel sad he doesnt see that the problem is his parenting and his kids. I tried. 

queensway's picture

Wow I didn't know you have children. So who is it that wants him to leave you or did I read this wrong. You will discover what real love is when he is no longer in the picture. He hasn't treated you well and that is not a person who deserves your love.

Haelsunderfire's picture

We have two children together ages 5 and 3. He had three children with two different women when I met him. They are now ages 17, 14, and 8. His children have always had trouble accepting me. To be honest, I think they don't think any woman worthy of him and they have trauma (bio moms) and so they need him more than I do. Since i got with my husband, i tried being there for him and his kids. At first his family loved me, but when i had my son (5 years old now) everything changed. His family said that I changed. Not true. My husband, i know he loves me, but he has never ran the house with me as a partner. Always around me as if to not make his kids feel bad. He doesn't understand that the moment he decided not to have my back, his kids lost respect for me. I understand him, and i understand that he needs to be there for his kids. It just sucks that i'm the villain. He told me this morning that he couldn't be with someone who doesn't get along with his kids and family, but he doesn't see he instigated this. I got along with his kids fine, but what his daughter did (involving CPS against him) grew a deep fear in me. I couldn't be comfortable around her anymore. Therefor he chose to be with them and not us. I'm suffering, today I am weak, but I hope tomorrow I am strong. 

Rumplestiltskin's picture

I know what you mean about certain behaviors giving you a deep fear of being around a child. One of my SO's kids did the false CPS thing, kicked and punched me (he was 9 but very small and weak so i wasn't injured), and strangled my 3-year-old nephew until he threw up amd almost lost consciousness. I don't know if i will ever get past the revulsion i felt. It's been about a year and i keep my distance from him at all times. 

Rumplestiltskin's picture

No, but he lives with my SO. It's part of the reason we haven't moved forward amd moved in together. 

caninelover's picture

Just breathe and realize that the future will be better.  You will find happiness again.  Hugs and here's to a better year ahead!

Haelsunderfire's picture

One day at a time, I need to remember that. I guess it's just extra hard when my husband is in a stage where he is telling me that for the past 7 years I don't get along with his kids and family. Which is not true. I tried endlessly. He failed to back me up as a partner, and now all the blame is on me. Why is the bad one always the stepparent? He told me he is better of alone than with bad company. I'm hurting deeply today. Not as strong as yesterday, but hopefully tomorrow I will wake up strong again. One day at a time.

caninelover's picture

You know your lived experience and do not accept his efforts to invalidate it.  You are not bad company and his emotional cruelty shows who the bad company truly is.

Haelsunderfire's picture

Thank you. I don't know if this makes sense, but with comments like the one he made, he makes me questions whether I am the problem. Am i horrible person ? Am i the issue? Is he right? Am i making a mistake? 

In my heart, no matter how much i lvoe him, i know i'm not making a mistake. His kids will always have a problem with me because they are projecting their abandonment issues on me. Their moms were not the best moms and they want their dad to themselves.

Haelsunderfire's picture

Wow, thank you! I will try. For all my community here that gives me the support I need. I hope to come out of this stronger (eventually) and be able to share my experiences with you all, so that hopefully, you don't have to suffer the way i do.

ndc's picture

You've made the right choice - stick with it even though there will be days when it hurts a lot. He is gaslighting you.  Don't let that cause you to doubt yourself.  You know the truth; you know that you tried and that his parenting is the issue.  You say he loves you, but his actions say otherwise.  If he loved you as you deserve to be loved he would not have allowed things to get to the point where they are,  where you are miserable and at risk of a CPS case.  

Take care of yourself,  love yourself, and get counseling if things get too hard.  You'll need to grieve, but then you can move on to a better life. 

Haelsunderfire's picture

Thank you for your words. Reading your post made me feel that i'm not completely losing it and that this behavior is normal. i need to try to keep my cool. and let it be. I can't control how he treats me. I couldn't during marriage, and it won't improve now.

simifan's picture

IT doesn't matter what he thinks. You know the truth. We know the truth. His poor parenting is the cause of these issues.  You are leaving to protect your children and your future. Best of luck. 

TheEvilStepmomStrikesBack's picture

It's gonna suck because you love him. But you still need to make the best decision for you. Hugs sent your way.