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The great Toaster incident...just a funny for a snowy day

halo1998's picture

I was cleaning my toaster the other day and thinking about how much drama a dented toaster could cause.   You wil be surprised at how much.

 

Surprisingly this is not about Beaver but about my ex..the Village Idiot.  He lives in a  Village and every Village has an idiot.  My EX is that idiot.

The year is 2000 and something and it is just about 2 months or so before I decided enough was enough and got the hell out of the Village.

We, (me and the VI) had an old two slice toaster.  This thing was so old it could be in a museum.  It was on its last legs or last toast.  Smile

The VI decreed that we should get a new toaster and I was tasked with this quest.  Off to Wallyworld I go to procure a new toaster.  I come back from my quest victorious with a brand new 4 slice toaster complete with bagel settings.  Ah the toaster gods have been good to me.  

Alas, my joy was short lived.  I did not notice that the toaster box was slightly dented.  OH NO...the new shiny toaster was dented.  It would toast just fine. but it was dented.  The VI decreed this toaster would not do...begone dented toaster.

So...the poor dented toaster and its receipt went into the garage to await its return to WallyWorld.  

In the meantime, Halo decides that f this mess of marriage and secures her own housing and moves.  I went to take the old almost done toaster only to be told by the VI..no..that is MY toaster you will not take it.  You will leave that toaster here.  Okaaaay...

I remember that the dented toaster is still in the garage just waiting to be used.  I bought it (VI and I had seperate bank accounts..he didn't trust me on his..insert eye roll here) so I took it.

About 3 months go by and dented toaster is working just fine and the kids are enjoying our nicely toasted bagels.  Suddendly, kid number 1 (my DS) tells me...VI wants the dented toaster back. You had no right to take it.  You left us (the kids and the VI) with a toaster that died.  The VI cannot make lovely toasted bagels.  You need to retun the toaster.  (insert Halo's WTF look as to why my DS then 8 or so is bringing me decrees from the VI)

BAWWHWWHAHAHAHAH...say what now?.  NO, the VI will not get my dented toaster.  I simply told DS to not worry about a toaster I'm sure the VI will figure something out. (you know like go BUY ONE).

Ah..but the VI was not pleased when DS told him my response.  The VI then sent me 20 ( yes 20 emails) on how I am a thief and stole the dented toaster.  I was a HORRIBLE mother to leave two precious kids without the means to enjoy hot toasted bagels.  I was to return the dented toaster to him IMMEDIATELY or he would call the police to report a stolen toaster.  

I did not respond or return the stolen toaster.  The VI did indeed call the police for a stolen toaster.  They showed up at my house on a Saturday and asked me about said toaster.  ( The officer admitted he could not believe he was asking about a toaster).  I promptly showed the officer that I had the receipt for said toaster (I had it because originally it was to be returned) and that it was purchased from my individual account.  The officer thanked me and proceeded to radio in that he was on his way to the VI's house to inform him that another call to them would result in his being charged with harassment and misue of the police resources.

I would use the toaster incident later in my case for a restraining order as evidence that the VI cannot restrain himself and would use any and all means to harrass me, including a dented toaster he did not buy.

I laugh now...because that dented toaster has lasted 14  almost 15 years and still going strong.  The VI had t buy his own toaster.

 

Comments

Winterglow's picture

"every Village has an idiot"

I disagree. There are some villages that are so small they have to take it in turns to be the idiot.

tog redux's picture

When DH left BM, he took an extra set of silverware they had, unopened.

"Stolen cutlery" was a theme of many emails after that. Yeah, we still use the pilfered tableware.

justmakingthebest's picture

LMAO! 

AgedOut's picture

my own memories. My husband (now obviously ex) had an elderly aunt, she was a bit of a hoarder and when she passed not one local family member, not him not his 4 siblings, would organize so her daughter could deal with the estate. I offered. The daughter lived many states away and greatly appreciated my efforts. My ex and his siblings had no problem swooping in after the debris was hauled away, they took anything they wanted. When the daughter was able to get there, she asked me (who had done all the work myself) if I was interested in anything and I said I wouldn't mind having the old View Master, it's reels and attachments if no one else wanted them. No one did, she told me to keep them. Cool beans. When my ex and I divorced, surprising no one who knew him, he actually demanded that View Master be returned as it was his family item not mine. I refused. Stupid request, stupid man. He sent the police after his attempt to have it put in our court paper work as a "family heirloom" was denied. The police then had to contact his cousin and she told them it was a gift to me. Up until a few years ago when my ex passed away, he still reared his pathetic head once in a while demanding his birthright of a View Master, it's reels, and it's lighting attachment. Those items still live happily in my hall closet. I plan to be buried with them just to continue to piss off my ex.

halo1998's picture

thwart your ex and his quest to regain the Viewmaster.  

What people will do to regain what they perceive to be "theirs" never ceases to astound me.

 

AgedOut's picture

He and his siblings/mom had gotten a huge settlement on a wrongful death case from his Father's accident. They were looooaaaaddddeddd and I signed off oneven getting so much as a penny of it. But yeah, View Master.. 

halo1998's picture

I gave the VI the house, the contents, the bank accounts everything..I took almost nothing.and yet..

A Toaster....a dented toaster.

strugglingSM's picture

This story made me laugh out loud. When DH and I were dating, BM angrily accused him of stealing some pillows that she swore SSs brought to DH's house. That was back in the days when SSs brought nothing with them, so it would have been easy - even for someone as unobservant as DH - to notice if SSs had shown up with pillows. Around Christmas, BM insisted that DH take SSs for a picture with Santa because she "didn't have time". Being a foolish, not-quite stepmother, I took SSs out to purchase shirts appropriate for such a picture. We got two collared, button-down plaid shirts at Marshall's or some similar discount store. I purchased these shirts with my own money. After BM saw the pictures, she again sent the list of all the things she claimed DH needed to "return" to her. The list included the infamous pillows (that were never at DH's house to begin with) and also the "colored shirts" from the photo. DH told her, "struggling bought those, they don't belong at your house."
 

BM was notorious for claiming things as her own that were not her own and also notorious for losing things in her pig sty of a house and claiming DH "stole" them. My favorite was when SS called DH crying to say he'd left his football pants at our house. I knew he hadn't because I had packed them up myself and put them in the back of DH's car with the rest of the football gear. Despite my assurance that I knew they had gone to BM's house, DH undertook a frantic search for said football pants, all the while receiving texts from BM that he had "ruined" SS's life because he did not return the football pants meaning SS could not play in that week's game. A little over an hour after the frantic phone call from SS about said pants, BM sends DH a text, "nevermind, we found them." You'd think they would have looked a little harder before accusing DH of purposefully keeping the pants from SS, but no, if BM can infuse a little drama into any situation, she will. 

Aniki-Moderator's picture

My psycho exh demanded (in the divorce) that he get custody of a quilt his mother had given me for my birthday before we married. He also demanded any wedding gifts that had been given to us from HIS friends. My second greatest desire (first being to divorce psycho) was to rid myself of every single thing that part of my nightmare with him, so I made sure he got my birthday quilt.

Funny thing: one of the wedding gifts from HIS friends was a toaster! I never used it - I was not allowed to touch HIS toaster - and it was dirty and sticky (he never cleaned it). Even if I'd been desperate for a piece of toast, no way in hell would I have used that toaster after I saw a mouse scramble out of it. Not telling him was probably the meanest thing I ever did to him. Then again, I didn't want to be blamed and "get in trouble". 

halo1998's picture

VI took all of my hand blown christmas ornaments that I collected from working during high school and college at a high end department store in the Windy City.  Windy City people will know the store...it was famous for its green bags and mint chocolates.  VI even kept MY BABY BOOK..not my kids...but mine.  His sister returned that when she was cleaning out DD's bedroom there to redo it.  (Spoiler..not even VI's own family really like him) 

Kicker...he doesn't even like Christmas and if it weren't for my kids doing all the work his house would never be decorated for Christmas.  I

 

A MOUSE....A MOUSE RAN OUT OF THAT SUCKER..blech...ewwww...no...just no. Serves him right though...too bad he didn't come down with HANTA virius.

I get the not saying anything ...because yes..the mouse would have been your fault it was there and how dare you not erradicate said mouse before it touched the almight toaster.

I did take my kitchenaid mixer from my time in hell.....no way was I leaving that sucker.  I still use that thing almost every day....he could suck a bag d*cks before I was letting him have that thing.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

While the quilt was lovely, the memory of it is more than enough. I honestly could not bare to use it. The things I was allowed to take - I replaced every single thing associated with him. The only thing I've kept were the divorce papers. 

Yes, a fat mouse. Maybe he's made friends with some in jail. *diablo*

A mutual friend told me that all of the china, kitchen items, etc, either gathered dust or got sold. Total waste for him to have them, but there was no way he would have let me have things I used! 

My DH bought me a kitchenaid mixer a few years ago. I want to buy pasta and meat grinder attachments!

halo1998's picture

maker attachment.    :)  DD asked if she could take the kitchenaid with her...NOT A CHANCE IN HADES THERE DD.

 

Meat grinder is fabulous for making ham salad after Easter, etc.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

There is an ice cream maker attachment?! *shok*

Ha, DD needs her own!

I want to make my own bratwurst. 

CLove's picture

lol. Yeah. My ex VI wanted some photos off a laptop that he gave me. And sent a disk. I keep forgettting.

Toxic Troll wanted to get a statue that DH had been given by his brother. He said no of course. but he did promist her a large circular mirror during their "divorce discussions", and about 3 years later mentioned it out of the blue. I was so mad, I sent it right over with instructions that hed better not install it for her...he didnt lucky for him, although she did ask. Because shes TT, she actually asked.

I think its sitting around somewhere in her knarly apartment. DH replaced it with a new nice mirror that sits above our fireplace.

AND to make life ever more fun, she contined for about 3 years to ask for things "its so hot, can you send the snow cone maker over?" or better "Tweedle Dum and I are thinking of going camping, can you send the tent over?"

It doesnt happen now.