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Ok there DH...eff you then...

halo1998's picture

**DEEP BREATHS****DEEP BREATHS to SD is not the sharpest tool in the shed.  Not by a long shot.....she currently takes general ed courses in high school and does ok in those with a lot of support. Her SAT...oofff..those were brutal.  SD does not do any extracurricular activities...she does have a part time job now.  So there is that...(interestingly it was the job "I" recommended at the start of her job hunt..but ok whatever)

Dh is found the river of Denial.....SD made the honor roll last sememster. Woohoo...right.  *not to dimish this but her courses are not exactly that hard*.  DH is over the moon...look she made the honor roll.  Yep DH that is great....good for her.

Now...this year SD has an inflated sense of her academic prowess.  She decided to take an Advanced Placement course...oh boy..saddle up people.  These things are not easy....2 kids in honors taking a bunch of these..I got plenty of experience with AP courses.  These are not your, memorize, recite...these are designed to make you think.  You need to be able to think criticallly and apply what you are reading to related topics.  Cool right...

Let me stop you here...NOT COOL FOR SD.  

1. She HATES HATES HATES to read.  And there are no graphic novels for this subject matter.  Graphic novels is all that SD "reads".

2.  SD cannot think critically.  She just doesn't....ever watch a movie with someone that doesn't think critically.  You have to explain the entire movie while they are watching it. MY SD.

Ok...SD took the first quiz in AP...yep she failed.  She didn't understand where they got the questions from.  They aren't in the book. YA DON'T SAY there SD.

DH is all like....she asked the teacher and she told her to read the material again and come up with questions about the material. DH is all butt hurt...why didn't the teacher tell her what SD needs to do.

So..I tried to explain to DH..this is an ADVANCED PLACEMENT class. They expect you to be able to read, use critical thinking and apply your  knowledge.   SD cannot do that.

DH's response...I don't have time for a lecture Halo.   I have to be in a meeting in 5 minutes.

OK THERE DH...EFF OFF THEN. Good luck and don't ask me anything about this stupid AP class.  Good luck to you and SD.

He knows I'm pissed and tried to walk that one back.  NO GO THERE BUDDY...I SEE YOUR TRUE FEELINGS.  POINT TAKEN



justmakingthebest's picture

AP typically has a test for college credit associated with them. Did he really think the teacher was going to babysit her through this class? Oh well. Sink or swim, right? 

Maybe she can transfer back into a regular class? No shame in getting a better grade and not struggling all year. It's not like that one class would make or break college for her anyway. 

halo1998's picture

and you can earn college credit.  My kids took a lot of ap I'm really familiar with them.

I suspect SD wanted to take this class because she thinks she can because she is on honor roll..and because she saw my kids take them.  

AP classes are sink or swim....they don't babysit you and expect you to be able to keep up and digest the material.  SD has the next two weeks to transfer...after that...she will have to tough it out.

This one class will not help her with college but it certainly will tank her GPA...its a weighted class so it will be even worse if she fails.

advice.only2's picture

My BS took AP history (straight A student) he hated it and told us he was going to fail, he didn't he passed with a C, but didn't pass the AP test.  Also I think for the AP classes anything under a C is considered failing and she would have to retake the course in summer school.  Oh well your DH is so SMRT he will figure it out, or not, and then his kid can be on the 5 year high school plan.

halo1998's picture

she had one that she hated with the intensity of 10,000 suns, AP US HISTORY.   Must be common to hate that one.  She passed with a B but bombed the test...she got a 2.  Her brother on the other hand loved the same one (he is a big history buff) and passed with an A and got a 5 on the AP test.  It just depends..but all of them require a lot or work and applying what you learn.

DH go eff himself.  I'm still TICKED over the whole..

I don't need a lecture.  Yea..whatever there buddy.

Shieldmaiden's picture

I hear ya. These skids. UGHHH. They can't think, let alone, CRITICALLY think. My skid was 15 before she realized that Alaska is not an island. No joke. She can't even make Mac N Cheese without asking for help, even though she has done it thousands of times before.

lieutenant_dad's picture

I'm surprised they let her take an AP class. When I was in high school (many moons ago) you had to have taken honors classes up to aa certain point in order to be considered for the AP classes. For the SKs' high school, I believe you have to be in the early college or AP track to get into an AP class.

It just seems really unfair to SD. She made honor roll because she worked hard at the level she is at. Nothing wrong with that - there are plenty of people in this world who don't excel academically that are successful adults in their own ways. This could kill her confidence and push her into having to take summer school. Shame on the school (not the teacher, but the advisors) for setting her up to fail.

And double feck you to your DH for blaming the teacher versus accepting that his daughter isn't a good fit for the class, or sitting with her to help her succeed, or reaching out to the teacher to see what could be done to help SD succeed in the course. Getting mad at you for pointing out reality and then blame shifting to the teacher is an awful approach. He does remember that he's on thin ice with you, right?

halo1998's picture

my kids school would have told her no and would have required a parental overide with the stipulation if the parent overrode the school decision..the kid COULD NOT transfer out.  Sort of a swim at your risk kind of thing.

I think SD should have stayed on her regular track..done well and been confident in herself. This will not go well and I do think it will hurt SD.

Yea..DH's approach SUCKED and yep...he knows he is on thin ice.  We just had counseling last night.  This ain't helping...I can tell you that. 

Watch as Halo disenages from the SD/DH situation.

lieutenant_dad's picture

If you want to be nice (and I'm not saying you need to be at all), you could pull SD aside and tell her you're proud of her for trying, especially if she is beating herself up about it. You know, I know, and probably her teacher knows that this isn't going to go well without intervention. You can't parent her in this, but you can help her maybe not spiral and hate herself for this.

halo1998's picture

she confided in me that this class was a lot for her.  I offered to help her in any way I can and that there was no shame is not being able to do it.  That not every class is meant for every kid.  I told her I would be proud of her either no harm in saying..not for me.

caninelover's picture

That you told her you'd be proud of her!  Very important words, I believe...

caninelover's picture

You learn more in life, and about yourself, from failures than successes.  So, if she takes this class and drops/fails/whatever - she can learn from it.

It's so annoying that bio-parents 'celebrate' every minor success of SK's - but bury their heads when it comes to teaching lessons from failures.  Bad parenting!

ndc's picture

That was the right thing to say.  I don't think you can say much more, though.  

What were your DH and the Beaver thinking when they let SD sign up for an AP class?  I never wanted to take one (I was a lazy student), but if I had my parents would have talked me out of it pretty quickly.  They knew I wouldn't do the work, and I'd never taken an honors class so I wouldn't be used to the pace or the effort required.  My sister took several AP classes - she was a great student and still didn't get As in most of them, although she passed the tests and got college credit for every one. She said that multiple students dropped every single AP class she took (at our school you were allowed to drop from AP to honors or regular classes throughout the whole semester, although obviously it was best to drop as early as possible if you were going to).

As you clearly realize, AP classes are great for some kids but would be an unmitigated disaster for others.  It's disappointing that the school would allow an unqualified student to take an AP class (my HS was very particular about prerequisites for an AP), but ultimately the parents need to get involved if the school doesn't.  It's too bad your DH doesn't take good advice well.

caninelover's picture

SK's with delusions of grandeur are the worst!  Bratty McBratFace is still pontificating about med school.  Yet gets mediocre grades in science and has yet to take the MCATs at age 25, despite 2 post baccs!

Just breathe.  And disengage!  It is DH's problem to address.  And if he wants to stick his head in the sand, so be it. She'll flunk (or get a poor grade).  

No need for the both of you to argue about this.  Not your monkey, not your circus...

caninelover's picture

I know you've fought the good fight for this marriage!  We're here for you whatever happens halo!

JRI's picture

I hear what you are saying, DH85 has ALWAYS Inflated his kids' achievements.  The weaker the kid is, the more he inflates.  I suffer with my SD60, you know the whole stupid story.  Our latest example of delusional inflation: her GS started kindergarten this week.  My GD, a single mom, sent me a picture of him.  I showed it to DH.  Was his comment, " How cute!", or, "I hope he likes school"?  No, it was " I give SD60 a lot of credit, she does so much with them".  Uh huh, she routinely uses the "Helping with GS" excuse whenever she doesnt want to do something or as a coverup.  I know cuz my GD often calls and asks about SD's welfare on days when she is supposedly " helping".  I dont care what she's doing but I get sick of the accolades.

I hate to tell you but the delusional inflation doesn't stop. It's like they are compensating for the kid's weakness.

thinkthrice's picture

Asking college aged kids GENERAL KNOWLEDGE QUESTIONS that most of us learned in 3rd grade.  EPIC fail every. of the Gen Zs!!!!  But they could name all the Kardashians!

I took 3 AP classes in different subjects and yes you have to put in a lot of effort!   Something I don't see a lot of youngsters doing these days. 

Miss T's picture

  .... is that you see your DH's resistance to facts for what it is and have vowed not to intrude on his little fantasy.

Stay the course. Don't say another word about it, not even when it is manifestly obvious that you're right, not even when your DH indicates he's conveniently forgotten you ever raised the issue. This is another one of those dishes best served cold.