You are here mother and her obsession with my sister

halo1998's picture

Oy...really my mother is OBSESSED with my sister.  My sister is a legit genius...and is a veternarian. I on the other not a genius nor am I a vet.  I'm just a lowly college graduate with two degrees.  My parents..more specifically my mother...thinks the sun rises and sets on my sister.  Now..this annoys the EFF out of my sister to the point she avoide my parents like the plague. DH..who has no filter...told my parents and my sister at our annual christmas get together that we ...DH and I ...were thinking of moving from the current state we live in to Maine or Tennessee, Maine being our top choice.  Mmmmkay..I hadn't mentioned anything to my parents about this., well I didn't want to have to explain it or defend it.

My mothers response .....not "oh that sounds good"...or "wow why Maine"...or ":cool..can't wait to visit" was....

"Well what about sister...she will be here in current state?"    Seriously woman....your worried about that...

Keep in mind..I'm 53 years old and my sister is 48.  Not like we are tender aged people here...and both my sister and I moved to the current state by first and then my sister followed a few years later. Then my parent followed.

My sister';s response was "I'm a big girl I'll be fine and I will just go to Maine to visit.  Christmas there will be epic".

Then at mother said the samething.."If you move what will happen to your sister?"  Uh...I think she will be just fine...sheesh.

I swear...every single time anything happens to me...I get the "well your sister"...crap.

I told DH..if that doesn't tell you where I rank in the family..I don't know what will.

Also, this was after I arranged, shopped and took care of everything for both the Christmas get together at my parents and freaking Christmas dinner at my house and the day making cookies the week before Christmas..

I can't imagine why I'm a people pleaser extrodinaire and why I'm in therapy.


Harry's picture

Must be getting older.  If you are 53 she must be in her 70's. She worried about who is going to help her in her,  she is getting to the point where her future is going to need some assistance in everyday life.

halo1998's picture

I wish I could say it was age..but it's been like this my entire life.  I come after my sister...even though I'm older.  Plus we aren't looking to move for at least 2 years and we already planned on and talked about taking my parents or most likely it would just be my mother with us, and in a granny flat.

Nope...she just thinks of my sister before anyone this point.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

How annoying! At 48, your sister is more than capable of staying where she is or moving anywhere she wants (I'm moving to Montana, Mom. Bye!). Is she single and your mother expects you to take care of her?? 

I'm almost 59yo and my older brothers continue to treat me like I'm 10. *wacko*

halo1998's picture

she and her partner divorced last month.  I don't know what my mother expects..but she is definately a big girl.

CLove's picture

Thats sucky for you and pressure for sis.

Maine!!!!!! It looks so cozy and pretty Biggrin

Rumplestiltskin's picture

It sounds like you and your sister get along well and she (your sister) has the right attitude about things. Blatant favoritism happens in intact families, too, and sucks just as much if not more than step-crap favoritism. 

strugglingSM's picture

She sounds like my MIL. MIL fawns over spoiled SIL. It's painful to watch. MIL is like a lost puppy following SIL around. Meanwhile, SIL comes around just enough to get MIL to pay for things for her and then leaves. She used to live across the country and now she lives abroad. SIL is a perpetual student. She is finally (in her mid-40s) a "post doc" researcher. Every time she publishes an article (which is her job), the entire family gets an email from MIL saying, "please congratulate SIL on her article." DH also gets multiple reminders to "wish SIL a happy birthday", which he does via text and multiple social media platforms and never gets any sort of acknowledgement. He usually posts a cute pic of her or our children saying how much he loves and misses her...still nothing. This year, DH had a milestone birthday...did he hear a peep from SIL? Nope. He hasn't heard from her since she came out (the month after his birthday) and we all had to drop everything to make sure we were around to see her. DH is the least favorite child in the family and is also a complete people pleaser because of it. Our children are the least favorite grandchildren and it makes me want to spit fire at MiL. 

Kloewent's picture

My husbands parents were the same. He was the second and blatent favorite. It was really uncomfortable for me. I don't think DH really saw the depth of it until I started pointing it out. It seemed normal to him. They would demean and insult the older son all the time. " let DH do it, he is better at whatever" older bro married a woman who treats him exactly the same. I grew up with 4 sibs. My parents never did that. Maybe a little more leniant towards the "baby", but never prefered one over the others regularly. It must be hard to put up with. When they need more help, they will expect you to do it because sis is too important.