Stupid SS16 has turned up after causing a week of hell and demanding his own weekly plan of visitation which I was blantantly blanked out of even after saying I could take no more. SO told him this was the last time (for the 100th time) and he would HAVE to stick to it. He was meant to be home after school, ddn't turn up. Left out his dinner (actually it was what was left as I have stopped cooking for the brat), didn't turn up for that, strolled in at 8pm and began chatting with SO about his birthday in 2 weeks.

Tried disengaging and SS15 is taking this as his opportunity to completely get daddy to do everything he says. I cannot witness this pathetic guitly parenting and not be engaged in it. I have to be physically absent to not let it get to me. I feel physically sick and am furious. Basically SS wants to alter visitation (fo the millionth time in 5 yrs) to suit him. He has failed exmas , is direspectful and causes trouble at school. He lives with us mostly (and my 2 kids)and seeing as this was my house too, I said that no sorry it was unacceptable for him to just come and go as he pleases.

After a nights thinking about all yr comments, I need to make a plan. I need to disengage because living with 15SS full time is making me miserable and I don't want to be a moody mum to my own kids when they are doing nothing wrong.
How do I disengage as I've tried saying I'll keep out of it before then I get sucked back in and end up getting annoyed at all their stupid plans and decisions. I've also tried not doing his washing/ironing/cooking his meals etc and then I feel guilty and partner and MIL think this is terrible that I do it for my own kids and not SS.