My Boyfriends Soon To Be Ex Wife Hates Me.
Okay. To start off everyone should know that my boyfriends soon to be ex wife told him about 5-6 months that she didnt love him anymore and had not loved him for about 2-3 years. He was hurt badly by this especially since there youngest daughter is a little over a year old. They have been separted for about 5 months now. Me and him have been dating for a month and a half. Him and i decided to keep our relationship between us and our familys until the divorce was offically over because she is a very jelous person. Because we live in a small town she found out we were dating a 2 weeks ago.
These last two weeks for me has been hell. She has done nothing but spread rumors about me around town and threaten me and my bf. Keep in mind she is diagnosed with depression and bipolar problems. She has been dating guys and now one in particular since they separated, she told him this and others in this big town made it a point to tell our familys. She is constantly calling him and texting him on his phone saying i better not be around him when he has the kids or she will kick my ass. Saying the kids will never see him if im around.
I do know his children but dont see them often. the kids dont even know we are dating and when i do see the kids it is around our familys because our familys have have been close for years. me and my bf have heard of each other in the past but meet officially about 5 months ago( i was dating someone else when i meet him).
I am not afraid of him wife but only fear that if she keeps on calling and acting as she does my relationship with my bf will not workout. our families are happy we are together because me and him have some much in common. I do care for him and am starting to feel slightly distant from him because of here. Someone please give me some advice.
- hello's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
I agree with dorothy in a way
I would step back from a serious serious relationship with him until some things get sorted out. His wife is showing some signs that she is very jealous and willing to take his children away - even after she basically told him she did not want him anymore.
I personally would tread very lightly and remain his good friend until they put some type of visitation and child support into play.
This situation could get very ugly very fast. Move slow slow slow slow slow on this one.
back off
The other ladies are right...you need to back off of this one. I would wait untill the divorce is final and then ease really slowly into it if I were you.
There is no way your BF is ready for this, his kids are going to resent you and you will end up being foreved labeled THE OTHER WOMAN.
Having a baby does not make you a mother.
i dont see the kids
i dont see the kids resenting you in the long run. i was told that too. i would keep my distance from the kids though, and give him his time with them. kids are very influencial and will get attached really easily. and no matter what you do, you will always be "the other woman". no matter how unhappy they were together, or if you met him after the divorce, that will be your label. its hard for the exs to swallow their pride long enough to know things just didnt work out, not because of another woman, but just because they dont belong together. she doesnt want to think she couldnt make him happy and you can. thats an insult to her. depeding on the situation you can lay low, it will make it easier on your bf. i myself hung in there and was there through it all from the day they separated, through the nasty divorce, and to the final end of it....it is ROUGH, and if she is anything like my fh's ex, she will fight it to the end, and use the kids to get to him.... i really wish you all the best... because it takes a STRONG woman to deal with the ex's that us stepmommas do.
thanks
thank u everyone for your comments i am hoping this will help me out. i will take what i can out of it.
To soon to make any major life changing decisions
They have been separated 5 months. You have to step back, way back, and wait. There is raw emotion still flying around, even if she ended the relationship.
I agree with Goodmom, they have to sort out all the emotional, financial and mental crap first.
A Step parent is in a no win role
YET AGAIN
please explain to my why bm has a boyfriend but my boyfriend can not date in most of your guys eyes. i dont understand. i hangout with my boyfriend spend the night at his house a few times a week and that is it. i do not involve myself in there business. i am simply there to date him. the birth mothers children knows she has a boyfriend and she has not tell them that she is dating someone. PLEASE TELL ME WHY AGAIN MUST I BACK OFF when the kids dont even know daddy has a girlfriend. i am not jumping into something if i did my heart could be broken and i dont wanna take that chance.
lisa
We arn't saying you CAN'T but we are saying if you do it is not going to be easy. That's a choice for you to make. Don't expect an easy go of it if you choose to get involved this soon though. Too much emotional residue that has not been cleared.
Having a baby does not make you a mother.
huh
i dont want a baby. is that ur signature or r u saying that
lisa
That's just my signature. It is a result of a crappy BM that I have to deal with. I am a custodial step mother, my skids live with me because their mother chose drugs over them, thus my signature.
Having a baby does not make you a mother.
Oh, my!
Unless you want drama (and not good drama), I'd back off. He is not even divorced yet--I don't care how many months he's been separated--HE'S NOT DIVORCED YET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That
means he's MARRRRRRIEDDDDDDDDDDDD!!!!!!!!!!!!
........and he has kids.
the fact that he is married means that he hasn't finished (emotionally, financially, etc) his relationship. He will not be "dateable" or emotionally heathy and "available" as a partner until he is completely finished with his marriage. YOU WILL NOT BE HAPPY with that situation.
lisa_vc
It really isnt about.."she can date, but he can't" I can tell you that several of us here went through the divorce process with our DH. And many here deal with psycho BMs. There is experience here to draw from. Step back a moment, and look at this from others eyes. I can tell by your posts that you are extremely upset about the situation, as would be anyone, but your letting your emotions cloud your thoughts at the moment.
As a woman that went through the divorce process with my DH(he and BM were seperated for 3 yrs) I can tell you that its hard, and it wasn't neccessary for me to deal with that just to be with him. Hind sight is 20/20, and I can bet that each of us here has some clear hind sight. I also dated a man who had just split with his wife-she left him. They were seperated for about 2 months. Bad decision on my part-even though they never got back together, there were so many emotions being dealt with from the seperation and the child involved that there ws NO way he could completely open to me and a new relationship. I think he wanted to, but it just made it that much harder to deal with. I remember waking up one night to him crying-yes crying.. what an awful feeling for us both. He was still coping with his loss, and I was coping with just being a fill in.
So lisa_vc... please understand that no one here is out to tell you to be unhappy and leave your BF alone.. we all just hope to give you some advice that may keep you from being one of the unhappy stepmoms on this board.. because we want you to be HAPPY!
step back n c what happens
step back n c what happens dont play the ex wifes games. she is wanting a rise out of you dont letit get to u.
Run.
Like your ass is on fire.
Agree with others
Back away from this relationship for awhile. It is too early for him to be involved.
I would slow down too
I met DH when they had been separated for 6 mos and a week before the divorce was final.
BM didn't find out about me for a month plus, til DH and I knew we were serious about dating each other. The divorce was finalized before she found out, and she immediately had the guy she'd been seeing for a few mos move in.
She was so giddy about her new man, and he gave her an engagement ring that she promptly showed to DH for approval on one of the pick ups of SD. He came in and told me, well...guess she can find out we're serious now.
She changed overnight. She started trying to turn SD against me, raged at DH over the phone about me, refused to politely meet me or acknowledge me as the months went by. She started becoming totally oppositional.
Now...
All that being said, there was nothing she could really do with custody by then, other than be a pain in every other way. But the agreements were all signed before she even knew of my existence.
If they hadn't been? It would have dragged out for YEARS. A friend of ours just went through this with a very unstable BM who after a year and a half battle pulled out all the stops by calling CPS on our friend's GF. The GF has 4 kids of her own and could have had them taken away if CPS had any concern the charges were true. Luckily BM had done so much of this crap, that the GAL instantly filed a report with the court that the charges were unfounded, and it was the final straw and the GAL immediately recommended FC for our friend.
My friend's GF? Decided she couldn't live like this anymore, and heartbroken she ended the relationship. Because she realized that just bc the courts had spoken, the BM was going to keep pulling crap, maybe worse. (She has, she already didn't return the kids to school after visitation.)
So...
If he is just starting this process, you being in his life may unfortunately contribute to the court process becoming even more of a nightmare. I'm not saying break it off completely, but go very slowly, and continue doing what you said - not having anything to do with their business in the divorce.
Of course....
My DH made some mistakes I wish I would have coached him about, but it all worked out in the end now.